[quote="garamasala, post:2, topic:273859"]
Also, ninja, it is your responsibility to prevent your daughter from being treated like a piece of meat. You have to instill a sense of self-respect and self-worth in your daughter. You have to protect her from being in a position where she has to take off her hijab in a back room somewhere to be ogled by some women like cattle. This is so demeaning! If the women want to see her, have a little party and invite these women to your house. Let her dress up and and play the part of hostess. Here she will be in her comfort zone and on equal footing with these woman (except for age). You should tell her that she should consider this very much like an interview. These may potentially be her family, so you/she should politely ask questions to figure out how compatible you are:
temperament- does the future MIL let you talk? bossy, opinionated? asks questions about your daughter's interests? is she a polite guest in your house? how supportive they are of a career/education- are other women in the family working? closeness among family members- do other family members come along, visit often, are talked about fondly and respectfully? value for children- does nani/dadi gush about her grandchildren? financial preferences- are they showy? into keeping up with the Jones? designer clothes?
Desi girls do NOT marry a boy, they marry into a family! You and your daughter should make your own list. Write it out. You should be specific and keep in mind that some things are deal-breakers and some are just minor annoyances. Analyze the pros and cons and also do istikhara.
My daughter believes 100% that when Desis marry, it is a union of 2 families. She comes with her family, he comes with his.
Here are some total ridiculous remarks: (upon hearing those comments we put an end to all further talks etc)
"Aap ka ghar chota hai, hamara beta kaha betih kah. (You house is too dang small, where will our prince sit...)
"We have one son, and five daughters, we are looking for girl who vill take care of mother when son is doing residency"
"Aap ki beti tori see healthy hai; kya bohot khana khatti hai" ((Your daughter is a bit on the heavy side, does she eat too much:)
" We are looking for hijabi girl as they are better/easier to keep under control"
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Mashallah you and your husband are doing a great job! Usually people put their best foot forward during the rishta process. If this is their best behavior then you definitely don't want to go forward.
I would not compare woman to cattle. both sides the family have right to be choosy. Most of would not marry our daughters to someone who we don't consider financially unstae and and unattrActive. Spouses should feel physical attraction towards each other.t. That is def. important. Of course pure physical states traction is not the be all and end all but it def matters more in the beginning.
