I have no idea what to do here. My daughter wears hijab, as do I.
Someone comes to see your daughter ie rishta and have obviously seen her wearing hijab. What to do when the other party requests pics of her without hijab to show to the ’ guy" or other folks? Or even asks that she remove her hijab so their son can see what she looks like ? I have spoken with family (Ami) and friends, but way too many differing opinions.
This rishta stuff is new for me, and driving me insane. Why is it so complicated and just so demeaning?
Right or wrong but thinking as a mother of a daughter I will never subject my daughter to such torture. She is a human being with feelings not a car in a showroom available for public display. Asking for girl's pic without hijaab is very very low and I think the girls family should not even move a single step further with people having such mentality. I feel that people who can not realise a girl's dignity now will never be able to respect her later on also.
You can do one thing more ask for the guy’s pic if he has a moustache ask him that you all want to see him without one so have it shaved and removed and send a pic without a moustache.
aur agar maa badoulat ki moonchain nahi hai to ask them that you want to see how he looks without hairs on his head and send his pic as a ganja.
I think the boy has a right to see whom he is marring, I mean wearing a hijab is alright but if the guy wants to see how the girl looks without a hijab, it should not be such a big deal in my opinion.
Right or wrong but thinking as a mother of a daughter I will never subject my daughter to such torture. She is a human being with feelings not a car in a showroom available for public display. Asking for girl's pic without hijaab is very very low and I think the girls family should not even move a single step further with people having such mentality. I feel that people who can not realise a girl's dignity now will never be able to respect her later on also.
You are meaning to say that you would marry somebody even without looking at the person. Well good luck !!!
First, I don't know how ok you would be sending your daughter into a family that is ok with parading around a picture of some unknown girl to others. That just sounds skeevy to me. That's like some guy showing the picture of a hottie he happened to snap at some random party to which he wasn't even invited to. Chacha maami phuppi shouldn't have an input into if a girl is ok to be married based on just her looks, and that too based on how she styles her hair. Second, my understanding is that if the guy requests the potential girl to be seen without the hijab, then she can choose to show it to him. Simply put, you request that family to bring his son along for a rishta meeting, and if he is THAT eager to see her hair, then you, your daughter and only him can go to another room and they can sit together and talk. And that should only happen if the other family is serious about taking the rishta talks further, and not just there to drink chai. And that usually doesn't happen in the first meeting.
As far as I know it's not a problem to show the guy a pic of her without hijab but don't let them keep the pic. He has the intention to marry her plus they are not seeing each other alone without mehram present. There is also the option to show just his mother the pic or she can go infront of his mother that way mother can let him know anything he asks about her appearance.
If you ever feel that something is demeaning during this process then please walk away. Trust your instinct! It will save your daughter a lifetime of trouble. A family that respects your daughter for wearing hijab will never ask for her to be uncovered in front of a non-mehrem male. It would be analogous to asking her to pull up her sleeve, unbutton her blouse, or raise her pant-leg in front of the guy. If your daughter and the prospective groom have interacted and she and the guy and his family seem really interested and then some women in the family request seeing the bride without hijab then I personally would be okay with it.
Although this may seem really frustrating, please use it as a good filtering mechanism to weed out families that are only interested in your daughter for how she looks and not who she is as a person.
Right or wrong but thinking as a mother of a daughter I will never subject my daughter to such torture. She is a human being with feelings not a car in a showroom available for public display. Asking for girl's pic without hijaab is very very low and I think the girls family should not even move a single step further with people having such mentality. I feel that people who can not realise a girl's dignity now will never be able to respect her later on also.
Aray aap tou aisae hi aag bagola ho gayeen. Gari agar achhi na lagay tou ussay becha bhi ja sakta hai, lekin phir bhi hum ussay acchii tarah dekh kar khareedtay hain...balkay test drive bhi kartay hain. Aap keh rahin hain keh honay wai biwi ki shakal bhi sahi tarah na dekhi jaye, jo poori zinagi kay liey hai aur jissay becha bhi nahi ja sakta ?
I think the boy has a right to see whom he is marring, I mean wearing a hijab is alright but if the guy wants to see how the girl looks without a hijab,** it should not be such a big deal in my opinion.**
I think that's easy for those of us who don't wear hijab to say..
It's often a huge deal to the girl who is actually wearing the scarf..
(I'm not really practising but I can see why a girl wouldn't want to take it off)
Umm…who are these other folks?! I imagine there isn’t a problem with your daughter taking off her hijab in front of another woman. So the ONLY man who has any reason to see what she looks like without it is the potential groom himself. The few girls I know in real life who practice hijab don’t send pics to ANYONE without their hijab. Even if you tell the mother that you want the pic back, thanks to technology, they can easily scan and save it, and show it to who ever they want to.
^ I agree with this. Obviously you and/or your daughter are not comfortable with the idea of sending pics. So any family that’s interested in your daughter, let them know that if everything else goes well, the guy can come over with his mother/sister or another female family member, and your daughter would be happy to take her hijab off in person for a few minutes.
** Of course, if your daugher herself is very uncomfortable with the idea of taking off her hijab in front of the guy even for a few minutes, then don’t pressure her. It may take longer but you will just have to keep searching for the “right” family/guy to come along.
Hijab is not only a piece of cloth, its a way of life, I knew a hijaban, who would cover her full face (nikkab) outside but when at home forgets that there are other na mehram men around and they can see her whole cleavage.
This can be a difficult issue to deal with. One of the greatest responsibility is of a parent is to protect their daughter and also to find a good/suitable rishta for her. Most families who want a hijabi girl for their son do understand this.
That being said Islam does give us the right to see potential spouses. Not in the form of causal dating but both spouses can meet if the intention if for marriage.
Some girls look awesome with hijab. It suits them and they look better with it on. And I know of some women who Hijab looks terrible on. If everything else is agreeable between 2 families then one should be allowed to have a look.
Please don't be SO EAGER TO WEED EVERYONE OUT! I really think that the EGO and attitude should be kept in check when it comes to rishta process.
Personally I find it very sad to see a girl or guy not get married or stay unmattied due to crazy societal norms. If your son or daughter is ready for marriage then it is your utmost responsibility to find a good rishta.
Marriage is about physical attraction also. I can understand a guy wanting to see a prospective bride without her face/hair concealed.
But of course, this is about religious sentiments.. and the fact that they're asking for a non-hijabi picture of your daughter hints that maybe they aren't as religious as your family. That may be a bigger problem later on.
Why is it so complicated and just so demeaning?
I imagine there isn’t a problem with your daughter taking off her hijab in front of another woman. So the ONLY man who has any reason to see what she looks like without it is the potential groom himself. The few girls I know in real life who practice hijab don’t send pics to ANYONE without their hijab. Even if you tell the mother that you want the pic back, thanks to technology, they can easily scan and save it, and show it to who ever they want to.