When you lot date and court the opposite sex…do you ask your parents?
Then WHY all of a sudden is parental approval so necessary when you’re tying the knot?
Jab dating karte hein tab to poochte nahin…shaadi ke vaqt ek dam se bheegi billi…“ammi ji, shaadi karloon?”
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
**hahaha...yeh to aise hii hai jaise:
chor chorii karne se pahle police se to nahiiN poochhtaa...jab pakRaa jaataa hai to bheegii billii ban jaataa hai :D**
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
KKF it just bothers me so much when I see this.
WHY get involved with people you KNOW things wont work out with?
And IF you do...WHY pretend as if you care what parents will say because if you really truly did...you wouldnt be sitting in this position in the first place!
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
Question is whether it was something serious to begin with. if its not serious then who cares if she is from your nationality, ethnicity, sect, religion or race.
I also think sometimes people overestimate how open minded the parents are, and then realize the hard truth later. With 2 sets of parents involved, often it gets more complicated because they are less flexible and open as the two main parties and it becomes an issue between families rather than something as simple as the dude's ammi jan saying no
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I also think sometimes people overestimate how open minded the parents are, and then realize the hard truth later.
Exactly. That is when i thought, my relationship with my ex would work out. We would eventually be able to get married and all. And i actually thought her and my parents will approve but it actually didn't happen this way. In fact we under-estimated lot of things which comes into marriage. I am still going through this immense pain though, it is certainly not easy task to just forget all of it. To answer your question, i guess we date to "test the water" before fully jumping into it. All parents want to see their child happy and do good in life. That is why, they deserve a respect to know the prospect and her family as well. I do know perhaps that whatever i have said sounds hypocritical but that is all i have to say into this.
Having said all above, i am trying my best to do good in life and pursue and finish my education. Insh'Allah i want to push my limits of achievements in life and find myself good partner to support into this cause. And yes last but not least, i appologized to my parents as they were very upset and Insha'Allah jo hoga onki razaa sai hoga.
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The question also is that if one realizes that 2 sets of families are against it going through, do you really bring someone in an environment where she will not be accepted, be respected and be on equal footing with others in your family, and you will not be accepted, be respected or be on equal footing in her family. That is one option, another is to elope and tell both families to sod off and deal with it and go on living your life happily but disconnected from the families, or part ways.
Decisions are not easy. I can say that from personal experience.
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
hm...i think same story goes for the girls....but overall they have a better percentage than guys in convincing their parents for particular proposals.
other day one of my friend told me about her engagement in summer with her bf. i think she was in relationship with him for 3-4 years. she told me that before dating him she made sure that he is serious about her, which i don't know how she found out.
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
hm...i think same story goes for the girls....but overall they have a better percentage than guys in convincing their parents for particular proposals.
This is because girls are more mature zobi. And somewhat practical as well. I have great amount of respect for girls who love and respect their parents. And in turn, parents love and trust her as well. Hats off to these kind of girls and their parents. We Pakistani guys are just too jazbati. Larki ne zara se lift di..we just go crazy.
The question also is that if one realizes that 2 sets of families are against it going through, do you really bring someone in an environment where she will not be accepted, be respected and be on equal footing with others in your family, and you will not be accepted, be respected or be on equal footing in her family. That is one option, another is to elope and tell both families to sod off and deal with it and go on living your life happily but disconnected from the families, or part ways.
Decisions are not easy. I can say that from personal experience.
There is no point in pursing something which families aren't happy. This is fact..but heyy..we are humans..learn from our experiences.
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
The question also is that if one realizes that 2 sets of families are against it going through, do you really bring someone in an environment where she will not be accepted, be respected and be on equal footing with others in your family, and you will not be accepted, be respected or be on equal footing in her family. That is one option, another is to elope and tell both families to sod off and deal with it and go on living your life happily but disconnected from the families, or part ways.
Decisions are not easy. I can say that from personal experience.
Decisions are not easy...its true. But if someone makes the decision to be with a certain guy or girl...date them...be with them...then why is it so important around rishta time what the parents think?
I guess I am having a hard time grasping this because I wouldnt get involved with someone my parents couldnt get along with or approve of. I know they're important to me...
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
Decisions are not easy...its true. But if someone makes the decision to be with a certain guy or girl...date them...be with them...then why is it so important around rishta time what the parents think?
I guess I am having a hard time grasping this because I wouldnt get involved with someone my parents couldnt get along with or approve of. I know they're important to me...
cant a girl talk to his mom??? i know it sound crazy, but u know just to see what kinda DIL is looking for. i dont think its crazier than dating her son. or is it...hmmm
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
news flash: do guys intend to propose to all their dates? umm no.
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
KKF it just bothers me so much when I see this.
WHY get involved with people you KNOW things wont work out with?
And IF you do...WHY pretend as if you care what parents will say because if you really truly did...you wouldnt be sitting in this position in the first place!
i know it does bother you and it should. i absolutely agree with you that one must be brave enough to see it thru or else he/she must not initiate and get deeply in love.
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news flash: do guys intend to propose to all their dates? umm no.
Thats not the point and not what I am saying either.
All I am saying is...
Dont date if you cannot go the mile with the person - especially if you know they're expecting that.
When you date, you dont ask your parents. When you get married, all of a sudden you need to ask.
Its hypocritical.
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
Decisions are not easy...its true. But if someone makes the decision to be with a certain guy or girl...date them...be with them...then why is it so important around rishta time what the parents think?
I guess I am having a hard time grasping this because I wouldnt get involved with someone my parents couldnt get along with or approve of. I know they're important to me...
That is assuming that the parents dont change their tune once the situation is not hypothetical and is a real situation staring them in the face.
and its not just the guys and their parents.
in my case the demands changed from respect our religious rituals > participate in them > kids will be our sect > you need to covert etc etc. It got to a point i was more than willing to say sure, convert schmonvert, sure..but then they had to go tell my folks that i needed to convert. essentially creating enough roadblocks that my parents perspective was, now this is getting out of hand and we are not comfortable with it, shared their views of the potential issues, and ultimately left the decision to me. her family was important to her, and mine to me, so it was simply not going to happen, I called it off, we walked away.
One of the toughest decisions I had to make, but it was the right decision, had i not walked away, i would not have met babez and had i not met her, i would not be as happy as I am today and getting ready to celebrate another anniversary.
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
Why is the question addressed to guys only? I have seen girls doing the same as much as guys do. After dating, shopping and eating all of a sudden they realize that they have a "bhai" at home who will kill her and everyone else if he comes to know about this dating. Hence they leave guy in middle of no where.
....and answer to the question is YES, no one should date without being ready to take next step. Most of the time girls/guys under estimate the resistance they get from parents for one reason or another. I am not a big fan of dating process anyway.
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
Dating a good girl which meets all the requirements of a guy and his family is not a big deal (but still parents object because perhaps they think such girls whom their sons liked on their own are not good in character). Majority of the parents have traditional views when they marry their children off and I have seen extremely modern and liberal moms to not approve of the girls their sons dated for 4-5 years because they think the girl does not have a good character since she has been with their son for so and so years. This aspect guys don't understand as they think they know the girl and there is understanding and think that their families will support them in this decision.
I have seen guys dating difficult girls (like sunni guy going for a shia girl) when they should have know that both sets of parents will make a big deal out of this proposal. Why would such guys and girls even start taking their relationship relationship seriously where there are such differences between them? I guess they truly say Mohabbat andhi hoti hai :D
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
dating wali stage tak aap ko sab akailay bhugatna hota hay is liay you never ask but baad mein family ko bhugatna hota hay thats why you ask for approval :P
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
When you lot date and court the opposite sex...do you ask your parents?
It doesn't apply to me personally, since I never dated before marriage. However, from what I've seen from others, a lot of times their parents don't even know what they're up to. They don't necessarily intend it to be serious.
[quote]
Then WHY all of a sudden is parental approval so necessary when you're tying the knot?
Jab dating karte hein tab to poochte nahin...shaadi ke vaqt ek dam se bheegi billi..."ammi ji, shaadi karloon?"
[/QUOTE]
Again, from what I've seen, mothers are usually open to their sons choices. Many of my friends (and myself as well) have had their mothers ask them about if they themselves had anyone in mind for marriage. Even if this is not the case, I would say that guys would do it because as opposed to dating, which is done in secret (supposedly or at least outside the knowledge of their parents) and as a temporary thing , marriage is a lifelong thing (ideally speaking).
Re: Question for the men here.............................................
When you lot date and court the opposite sex...do you ask your parents?
Then WHY all of a sudden is parental approval so necessary when you're tying the knot?
Jab dating karte hein tab to poochte nahin...shaadi ke vaqt ek dam se bheegi billi..."ammi ji, shaadi karloon?"
I never asked.. I just kinda said this is happening and they just went along with it..
For others tho generally in desi familes the parents are very involved in the couple's life during and after the marriage in a way they obviously weren't during the dating stage..
Re: Question for the men here…
This question does not require brain of a rocket scientist , the answer is as easy as ABC , because parents will not allow.
So the only option is to be a Laila-Majnoon , without seeking permission , otherwise people start asking parents then , there will be no desi shairi or romantic literature, movies , dramas , life would be so rokhi pheki without all these fun filled activities . 