Okay so we all know teh general attitude towards SAHM and housewives sarcastic smiley here from other women but I want to ask the opinion of married men here (and married women too).
For the dude…you have a decent job…not a millionaire but still make a decent living. You have no kids and your wife isn’t working, isn’t going to school… do you have moments where you resent her or consider her not contributing to society? Do you feel she is a burden?
For the other dudes…you have kids but your wife works and makes a living, earns less/same as/more than you. Do you wish she would stay home and take care of the kids instead? Do you think of her being selfish for concentrating on her career and working?
im not a dude... but cus u said married women can also contribute, I will say my bit :)
I've been working for the past 10 or more years (professionally) and met the husband mid-way, so about 5 years ago.. and he knew I was working at the time, and was very much alright about it.
We've always had a good understanding about me working... its something i want to do, and something he likes for me to succeed at. However, i know the hubz would prefer it if I worked part-time. Not in terms of kids or anything... actually, not it does tie in with the kid(s).... cus he knows I am extremely exhausted from work, then looking after the house and the munchkin... When i was working part-time... I was probably less stressed out, less exhausted and hence, he was less exhausted.
I've always had the option of not working if I dont want to. I can stop whenever... today if I feel like quitting. But it's not something I want... and he knows work keeps me happy.
I dont think he's ever felt that I have not given time to my daughter.. or that she's not my priority when it comes to work. That has never been the case. He's always the first one to point out how good of a job I have done so far and.. for that we have a happy child as proof. Enough said
i would never ask HIBA to work no matter wht, however if she wants to work its her choice and if she doesnt i will respect that too and not consider her a burden at all infact when i marry her (sign the nikkahnama) i take the responsibility of her well being and financial requirements.
i would never ask HIBA to work no matter wht, however if she wants to work its her choice and if she doesnt i will respect that too and not consider her a burden at all infact when i marry her (sign the nikkahnama) i take the responsibility of her well being and financial requirements.
Okay so we all know teh general attitude towards SAHM and housewives sarcastic smiley here from other women but I want to ask the opinion of married men here (and married women too).
For the dude...you have a decent job...not a millionaire but still make a decent living. You have no kids and your wife isn't working, isn't going to school... do you have moments where you resent her or consider her not contributing to society? Do you feel she is a burden?
Not at all. I feel that as the husband, the responsibility to provide for the family is solely mine and she should not have to worry about it.
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For the other dudes....you have kids but your wife works and makes a living, earns less/same as/more than you. Do you wish she would stay home and take care of the kids instead? Do you think of her being selfish for concentrating on her career and working?
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I would like her to give first priority to the raising of the children.
i would never ask HIBA to work no matter wht, however if she wants to work its her choice and if she doesnt i will respect that too and not consider her a burden at all infact when i marry her (sign the nikkahnama) i take the responsibility of her well being and financial requirements.
Kudos! to the men who don't care whether the wives work or not, kids or not!! I feel the man should bear financial responsiblity but if the woman wants to work, it should be her choice.
ok i'm a married woman and almost a mommy too :) i work full time. but i've always kinda appreciated sahm and housewives for giving up their careers to stay at home. its a really tough choice and when a woman makes the right one it shows that she's got her priorities straight. its a scary choice. not easy to make and men need to learn to appreciate it more. when a woman decides to stay at home, she's giving up a alotta control over her security. she is trusting her husband to provide for her and kids for the rest of their lives, through good and bad. thats not an easy thing to do and shows alotta love, commitment, and trust on both sides.
the onllyyyyy time i have an issue with the concept of sahms is: when a girl cuts off all her ties with the outside world as soon as she gets engaged. her husband is now her sole provider. she doesn't have a separate savings account, she doesn't learn to drive (if she was brought in from pak) she doesn't really learn english or know how to interact with anyone but hubby and other desi sahms.
problem then becomes: if hubby all of a sudden turns out to be a jerk...turns out he's cheating on her with office coworker, or just divorces her cuz of MIL, or dies in a car crash. i mean ANYTHING. then that girl is left all alone with no back up plan, no means to support herself or any of her kids. thats when i wonder....in allll that time this lady was sitting at home with so much time to think of all that life throws at you, did she seriously not think that this can happen to her? i mean, if you've got kids, they're your responsibility. you HAVE TO have a plan B, and C, and D all figured out and ready to go for every possible situation that may affect the kids' well being. i hate when it turns into this situation that the girl is unable to leave her hubby who's got a wife or two sittin on the side cuz she's got no other way to support herself. i mean, thats when i feel like those girls have no right to complain abt "the other woman" or their "cheating husbands". we're all responsible for our own basic well being and honestly if you couldn't take a simple teaching course or anything during all that time that hubby was willing and ready to provide for it, then its your own stupidity. if you didn't learn to interact with the kids' school teachers in all that time then you can't complain that hubby has stopped goin to PTA meetings now and is ignoring his children for the office secretary. if you can't drive yourself to a divorce lawyers's office to learn your basic rights then....common. what the heck? its makes women in general look bad, and stupid, and vulnerable. when we're NOT. i understand...some men don't allow their wives to step outta the house....if they do it has to be in hijab or abaya. i mean, i can understand how a girl MAY end up in a similar situation through no fault of her own, but many times its usually just the girl being too lazy and generally unrealistic about all the things that can happen in life. sorry :(
She was not a liability, she is not a liability and she will never be a liability. I have seen it all
She is staying home by choice now to raise kids and enjoy time with them. She plans to go back to work once our little one is in full-time school. She stayed home in early days of marriage (she wanted to make her new home) and then she decided she want to work. She worked for couple of years and then she decided to take some education/training in field which was not directly related to her field. Just 2 years ago she decided to do "khid-mat-e-khalq" by volunteering first with youth organization and then with senior's organization (as a computer instructor)
Now I wont lie. There were times when I got frustated (in heat of a moment) mainly not for what she was doing (or not doing) but mostly due to the ripple effect of some other unrelated problem specially when I decided to quit the job to establish my own business but not for a moment I thought that she is a liability to either me or society.
I am very satisfied that I am fulfilling her financial needs so she can do whatever she want to and she does not HAVE to work. I love her for what she has done as my wife, and I respect her for what has she done for our kids. Man ko chaar din morning to night bachey sambhalney parh jaeen tu lagh pata jata hai.
BUT if she wanted to work then good for her if not then that is HER choice too.
To run a household is a Man's responsibilty, anything the woman contributes in terms of her job money is a bonus. If she doesn't then it does/should not matter.
I think my husband is the only guy I’ve come across who prefers his wife working… he says it very openly that he prefers me working instead of staying home … he has a lot of pre-conceived ideas about SAHMs (something along the line of they watch star plus dramas and chat on phone all day gossiping and backbiting) and nothing I say can change his mind… I think its because most of the SAHMs he has come across are like that only :hinna:.
He says that for women (or any person regardless of their gender) work/career is constructive and then they get fewer chances/opportunities to fight over with their spouses and keeps them happy and relaxed, rather than frustrated.
I am planning to quit work once I have my second child, I’m hoping I can change his views and make him realize not all SAHMs are the same, some are actually contributing a lot to the society through their kids.
My BF and I have had many discussions about this. His view is the following: He makes enough $ to support a family. He does not need me to work. He wants me to work until we have kids. Once the kids are here, he wants me to work part time (approx. 20 hrs/wk) just so I get out of the house. But otherwise, he'd prefer that I stay home with the kids.
My BF's mom was always a stay-at-home mom and raised him so he has a very positive view of this role. He understands that some wives need to work b/c the husband doesn't make enough to support the family. However, he doesn't understand why a woman would choose to work full time and have the kids raised by a nanny IF the husband makes enough money to support the family.
I’ve two BILs who m’A are the most supportive men I’ve ever known (and hence set the bar so high, so few other guys meet it :hinna:).
My sisters are graduate degree holders, one was working full-time when she got married and left her job when she had her first child and has been a SAHM since. The other sister pursued her degree after marriage and with young kids at home because her husband was as supportive as he was.
Both of my BILs have consistently said that the value of what their wife does as a SAHM is immeasurable - they are raising their children to be decent, educated, successful, productive members of society.
Both guys are supportive of their wives working if/when they want to, because they appreciate how qualified the wife is and are proud of their educational accomplishments. They would support their wife’s wish to work if it makes her happy and it gives her a better sense of personal accomplishment.
The guys are happiest when someone is complimenting their wife not on how she cooks or her fashion sense, but on how well-behaved and bright their children are, or her intellect/conversation and business accumen.
.** i mean, thats when i feel like those girls have no right to complain abt "the other woman" or their "cheating husbands". we're all responsible for our own basic well being and honestly if you couldn't take a simple teaching course or anything during all that time that hubby was willing and ready to provide for it, then its your own stupidity**.
But what if he wasn't willing to provide it?
[quote="MIAinVA"]
I think my husband is the only guy I've come across who prefers his wife working.... he says it very openly that he prefers me working instead of staying home .......
(something along the line of they watch star plus dramas and chat on phone all day gossiping and backbiting) and nothing I say can change his mind… I think its because most of the SAHMs he has come across are like that only :hinna:.