Gosh, I ve been a weirdo all my life 
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fraudz: *
I see pakistanis back home have no lack of the knowledge of quraanand that they do not need good islamic teachings.
jirga laws that allow guys to rape women for some dispute, parading women naked in villages due to family conflicts, inter sectarian and ethnic killings. rishwaat and 32 kaam on every thing. That I suppose is all okay etc. Oh yeah and desis in pakistan dont have a habit of staring..must have been somewhere else.
May allah shower you with his blessing and give you humility and take away the "holier than thou" attitude. ameen.
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1) i never said pakistanis dont need teachings
2) i dont make the jirga laws and i dont approve of them
3) "if they r bad, its ok for us to be bad too" is a very bad excuse
4) i dont live in pakistan and i can never live in that place
^ You made a gross generalization.. let me quote for you
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by armughal: *
**u american desis really show how much u all lack the knowledge of Quran and how seriously u r in need of good Islamic teachings....*
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This is a very strong accusation. You must have strong arguments to support your claim.
I sense a superiority complex, which in simpler terms known as * Takkabar*. And least liked by Allah in creatures.
[quote]
i dont live in pakistan and i can never live in that place
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Again i sense that you wanted to say 'wasteland' instead of that place.
Well you are not alone, many people dont want to live in that place
I dont blame you, nor others.Everyone wants better and prosperous life. Just want to say that, you have the liberty, to chose your surroundings, and easily look down upon your brothers who never had that privilege. While easily ignoring the hipocrisy and hatred for you, in your very own chosen surroundings.
.
Instead of dissing armughal (who has a superiority complex of sorts, no doubt), can we please get back to discussing the topc at hand? Thank you.
sweetpie, apologies in advance for butting in. I'm not sure if you wanted girls to reply here or not. hope you won't mind the intrusion. i read thru most of this thread and i really wanted to post a reply.
i feel that marriage is a sacred and sincere relationship based on mutual trust. among all the relationships in the world, the husband and wife relationship is the one that is the most, i dono wat the word is, but its a very different kind of relationship. there is absolutely no room for cheating. a person should not even look at others except their spouse, even looking involves disrespect to your own spouse. even unneccessary talk with opposite gender should be avoided. i would think that once there is a mutual commitment all this would come naturally. to someone to whom it doesnt, a strict guard needs to be maintained at all times on one's niyah and actions and soon Allah swt will help them.
for those who say that its natural to look, etc etc, i dont agree with them. yes humans are prone to sins but a sin is still a sin and must be controlled. we have to control our nafs and then Allah swt will help us too. what is wrong is just wrong, no matter what the reason is, and there's no two ways about it. there are justifications for every wrong in the world but that doesn't make it right. all this is wrong, very low and totally unrespectable. its going to hurt your spouse, and its cheating, u r lowering ur own self. its just wrong religiously, socially, ethically and from the humanitarian point of view.
how can you hurt and disrespect your spouse, the person whom you're married to, whom you are spending your life with, and if you have children then the person who is the parent of your children, how can you hurt that person so deeply and how can you do such a betrayal to them?
Allah swt has said in the Quran
“Among His signs is the fact that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect.” Quran [30 : 21]
He has planted affection and mercy between you. Quran [30: 12]
They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them. Quran [2 : 187]
this is how close husband and wife are and what their relationship is. one's honor and respect and happinness is the other's respect and happiness. your spouse's respect is your respect, and their happiness is yours. cheating and disrespecting is just so unimaginable. you are supposed to care for each other and look out for each other, not be selfish and not hurt each other. this relationship is about giving and sharing.
when one makes a decision or a commitment to another human being specially of this magnitude, one should live up to it. there should always be honest communication between the two. i just cannot ever condone this type of underhanded and behind the back stuff. some people raised the point that you are not happy enough with your spouse whom you got married to. firstly, if you were a consenting adult at the time of nikah, you committed to something and now you should live up to it.
Allah swt says
Marry the women of your choice... Quran [4 : 3]
u should not marry out of force and if u have then be fair to the one u have married and live up to it and if u make an effort Allah swt will make it easy for u. if you dont want to be in the contract of marriage anymore, communicate to your spouse and if it comes to that then break the contract, islam allows for that even, but Islam does not allow cheating while being in that marriage contract. deceiving your spouse is just wrong.
islam has even allowed 4 marriages for men. if you so want, then get another wife, get three more wives. but cheating on your wife, leading an underhanded life, hiding things from her, deceiving her, all this is just so so wrong.
plus i dont get, why should you not be happy with someone? unless there is some major problem, why should you be so unhappy that you are going to cheat? to me it speaks of ungratefulness and wanting too much, a lack of being satisfied and thankful with what you have.
although i think this problem is more common with men, its true that this problem is with men and women. i know of a pakistani female who, after she was engaged, has been very friendly with other guys, more than just friends. she was not happy with her engagement, the guy whom she got engaged to really wanted to get engaged to her, and she said yes pretty much out of family considerations and b/c of the guy really really wanted to get married to her and would not have been able to live as he said if she did not marry him. she was not happy with him and in such a case i think it'd be better that she tells the guy and does not marry him, rather than be with guys except him.
there are cases also where the wife is aware of the fact that her husband cheats on her but is okay with it. seems so weird to me.
this surely is a strange world with so many different kinds of ppl. i can just speak for myself tho that ive always considered all this completely unacceptable and wrong. even looking at someone else is just way beyond, and even thinking of someone other than ur spouse is absolutely wrong and completely unacceptable. there should be complete and utmost loyalty in every sense of the word.
may Allah swt guide us to the right path. aameen sum aameen.
I dont think its acceptable to look or commit adultery. Hopefully I would never commit such a major sin (inshallah).
However I do think every man deep down wants to have a number and variety of sexual partners. And living in a western society which is highly sexualised its just thrown in your face all the time, it just creates more problems.
I think best way is the couple both try to follow islam in their lives as much as possible and fear Allah. Either live together honourably or divorce honourably.
But in reality it will always be there, and there will always be some people who will be selfish and follow their own desires.
Irem…disclaimer: No, I absolutely do not mind that you’ve posted here even though technically the thread is targeted to men. Thanks for replying 
Also, I want to start off by saying that…maybe it’s a female thing…but I agree with 99.9% of the points you have made save for one or two little ones.
All political correctness aside re: this issue of cheating, no matter how many ways and angles you look at it from (and trust me, I tried…for the sake of this thread) I cannot (repeat CANNOT) find one single justification for cheating on your spouse. I have at times even heard it said by guys that if given the chance to cheat, they would do so discreetly without the wife knowing since the action(s) would hurt the wife and why would they want to hurt the wife anyway? Can you imagine such a stupid, pathetic made-up justification for cheating behind your spouse’s back??? It’s sick, hurtful, demeaning, self-deprecating, and very lowly. And the sad thing is this: as you say, some women may even know that their men wander sexually from them but they continue to stay in the marriage anyway. I hate to say it but these women need to get a backbone and some much-needed confidence. No man is worth sticking around for if he can’t be trusted or respectful to you in the sacred union called matrimony.
I’d have to disagree on one point…in my view, I don’t see anything wrong with men looking at other women. I do in fact think it is natural and expected as long as (and this is the biggie) they don’t take indecent steps to tarnish their relationship with the spouse, etc. THAT would be wrong and very unreasonable.
Other than that, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head twice-over in every regard. Certainly cheating is wrong from a religious point of view as no religion condones such action but it is also wrong from a moral and ethical perspective as well. God created us as human beings, gifted us with highest intelligence among all other types of species. Why should we start acting like jaanwar all of a sudden in order just to satisfy our forever-unfulfilled libidos? After all, there is something called control.
M, thanks for replying. I hear you, and yes, in this highly sexual western society, sex is constantly thrown in your face. I think of it this way…it’s God’s test to see how strong we human beings are and how much we can withstand temptation. Cheating still has no justification. As I said earlier, if things are not so good in a marriage, there is always something called divorce and re-marriage, etc. Cheating is not the way to go.
thanks sweetpie :)
i'm so glad to know that you agree with most of what i said.
you said that there is nothing wrong with looking? hmmmm, im thinking, if you are committed to someone, and you look at another person and think, "they're good looking" and you entertain that thought, how would that make your spouse feel? won't they be slightly hurt if they knew u were thinking like that? i dont know, to me it seems a disloyalty to your spouse. i dont think its right. and i would not do that.
in islam one should always lower one's gaze towards a na-mehram. looking is probably the first step where the cycle of sin starts.
its all about training oneself and Allah swt also then helps. if one is just walking on the street and sees someone who is very good looking, one may or may not momentarily think that hey that person is good looking, but one shud immediately take their mind away from that thought. its not a good thought. if one is married one should remind themselves of their spouse. ive always thought that to me my spouse would be the most beautiful person on this planet and no one can be more beautiful to my eyes and i wouldn't need or want to look at anyone else inshallah.
M - even if men deep down want a variety of partners, Allah swt allowed men to take 4 wives if they can be just to all of them. cheating outside of marriage though is just wrong.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
M - even if men deep down want a variety of partners, Allah swt allowed men to take 4 wives if they can be just to all of them. cheating outside of marriage though is just wrong.
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Yes of course, there are halal ways, and there is absolutely no excuse for adultery, ever. But fact remains people still do it, why would some one who does not fear Allah swt, want to take up the extra reposibility of marriage, when he can get it for free?
The islamic punishment is severe for this, stoning to death, so if any muslim knows the severity of this sin, would make sure that they dont ever come near adultery and avoid all avenues that lead to it.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by M: *
The islamic punishment is severe for this, stoning to death, so if any muslim knows the severity of this sin, would make sure that they dont ever come near adultery and avoid all avenues that lead to it.
[/QUOTE]
may Allah swt save us all from this grave sin...aameen sum aameen
I think there's a reason why Allah mian created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Eve and other wives for hazrat Adam. He only created one wife for him. We should control our desires and act with our spouses how we wish them to act toward us and we should be fair to them. This stuff scares the hell out of me when i keep reading it and keep hearing it and keep seeing it.
And also, for 25 years Hazrat Muhamman saw stayed married to Hazrat khadija and he was faithful to her. no one has any excuses to go and cheat on their husband or wife when the best amongst humans was faithful to his wife for 25 years even though she was much older than him.
Well, sin knows no boundaries as it is the work of the devil, if you look at it in religious terms. Suppose I give you the example of a man who is married and has one face (of a dedicated, loyal, responsible husband to a pretty wife, father to small children, and son to simple, religious parents) and totally another (of a drinking, sexually wandering philanderer)? Suppose also that included in this Jerkyl/Hyde character, he schemes up elaborate lies to deceive women into believing that he is a decent, single man in search of a prospective spouse. What would you say about such an individual???
You may not think so in a million gazillion years but there ARE desi men out there who would not only cheat but cheat so elaborately. I wonder if scoring/challenge is the only thing on their minds or do they get satisfaction in some other way out of this? To me, this mode of behavior is utterly sick and extremely self-deprecating. Obviously the cheating man has no respect for himself (unless he is delusional enough to believe that he’s getting one over everyone else) and furthermore may possibly need some sort of therapy. I’m serious.
Finding sin is easy, walking away from it takes a strong human being. May God lead us all on the right path 
hmm just curious.. i see that the philandering man is being blamed quite elorately in this thread
let me be the first to ask, is the woman the man cheats with at wrong as well? or does that depend on the individuals culture and religion.. haina?
^Sadzzz, I think the reason we're not focusing on the person who the married man/woman is cheating with is because it is probably understood that this person, as well, is just as guilty IF the person knows full well that the other individual is in fact married or at the very least in a committed relationship. Both parties, in this type of a situation, would carry the burden of guilt, but suppose hypothetically that there is a married man who is "very" married (even has small kids) but has deceived the woman he is cheating with by stating point blank that he is single and basically on the lookout for a marriage partner? If there are no signs to make the girl think that he is married and leading this strange, forbidden double life, she will perhaps continue seeing him if she likes him enough until or if she discovers that he is basically making a mockery of her and leading her on for God knows what.
i dunno, i dont think any party is any less guilty of one another
for a man (or a woman) they arent "very very" married or "just" married.. marraige IS marriage no matter which way you look at it and if ur seeing another woman/man other than ur spouse, ur guilty from that first second u astray
in regards to being the woman the man is cheating with, well as i said its got to do with culture and religion then haina
if ur a mulsim by nature and all, i guess u wouldnt be caught in the act neways with a single or married man..
^Well, the “very” bit aside…maybe I shouldn’t have put it in those terms…but I do think that despite marriage being marriage, there are those rare cases where a man and a woman are separated, living apart, basically just awaiting divorce. To me, this couple isn’t really married anymore because although legally the marriage hasn’t terminated, in both their minds, hearts, and souls, the marriage is essentially over. This is my opinion.
However, that aside, let me ask this: What does a cheating spouse have to gain from wandering outside of marriage? I mean, is it just the variety in sex or can there be other issues at hand as well?
in those type of scenarios where a hubby and wife arent living together, well they are still married but classified as separated.. and yes thats different
i guess only a cheating husband/wife would know why they're cheating.. We'd just be guessing..
ive seen what happens to girls whose hubbies cheat on them. And trust me, no one wants to be in that position.. all 3 parties need therapy