Ok so living with in laws is not ideal. One of the reasons it’s not is because generally the woman of the house likes to be queen of the kitchen.
Now I enjoy cooking sometimes and sometimes husband will request specific dishes. Anyway the issue is whenever I try mother in law always interferes and insists on me me following her way of doing this. She has a very different cooking style to mine and I like doing things the way my mother taught me because husband and I prefer the taste. I try to cook when she’s not around to avoid this but it’s not always possible. Can I politely tell her I want to do things my own way or will this just cause problems? If so what do I say? I don’t really have an open relationship with her. It’s all very formal and ‘nicely nice’
Secondly sometimes I also cook because I feel like it’s a contribution towards the home but I find that my in laws don’t really eat my food. I don’t think I’m a bad cook or anything (If I was I know a few people who have eaten my food who wouldn’t hesitate to say!). It may well be due to the fact that my mother in laws style of cooking is very different and they are very fussy eaters. I always eat her food even though I don’t really enjoy it (and that’s partly why I feel the need to cook myself because I miss the taste of the food I grew up on). Should I stop making food for them or continue and see it going to waste?
cook two dishes but smaller portions of the food that the in laws do not prefer…
it’s just food…why create such a fuss over something so trivial?
you know where it’s gonna end up in a few hours… right?
You will never win. Lol i had this issue with my MIL and i told her politley tbat this is how i prefer to cook but if you feel like making something your way thats fine or i would say hubby doesnt want salan roti today so il be cooking an "english" dish. In with one ear and out the other. Regardless of what you do she wont stop picking lol so just in all honestly carry on and dont pick over it.
+1 I had something similar(but not as bad) and we just decided to move out. It was already in the plans,but we just sped things up and got our own place. Now we all have a perfect relationship when we see each other once a week.
For your own sake, do NOT sake anything to her! She won’t take it the right way. Just move out. If you can’t move out, then and only then you need to attempt to say something and you need to do it very delicately not to offend her.
You: Ammi YEEE keh rhaey hain aaj pilaoo pakaoo. Aap logoon k leye bhi banaoon? Ammi Jee: Aray tum tu rehney HEEE do You: (dil main khush hotey howey) Acha ammi main nai socha aap sai "pooch" loon
End of Story: You ended up cooking for only yourself and hubby (how romanchik), food did not go to waste and you earned golden points for "pooching" from ammi jee....life moves on.
I gave up on cooking/baking/doing whatever in my own kitchen a long time ago because of this issue. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell her, she will continue to make suggestions while I am doing something in the kitchen in her presence. And no, I can’t move out, I have mortgage payments. I stay in my room as long as my MIL/FIL are in the kitchen. -__- I haven’t really grown up in the last five years. Pehle my parents, now his parents.
They don't mind? That you don't cook? And that you stay in your room?
They know very well that I do not like working with other people. Same goes for my professional life. Yeah, it sucks but that's how I am. Have always hated team work, luckily my profession allows me to work independently for the most part. LOL. I have a career and I contribute financially so what is there to mind? I cook when they are NOT home. They know it bothers me when someone tells me to do something. So don't expect me to come and help while you are in there. Either get out and let me handle it or take care of it all.
Yes, I could move out but to where? Buy another house? Also, I don't want to be known as the evil witch who took their precious son. LOL Some days are good, some days I am dying to get away. I am sure they are tired of my shenanigans too. I can be pretty passive aggressive and very unstable emotionally. I am sure I am a pain in the a$$ for them too.
They know very well that I do not like working with other people. Same goes for my professional life. Yeah, it sucks but that's how I am. Have always hated team work, luckily my profession allows me to work independently for the most part. LOL. I have a career and I contribute financially so they don't mind. Yes, I could move out but to where? Buy another house? Also, I don't want to be known as the evil witch who took their precious son. LOL Some days are good, some days I am dying to get away. I am sure they are tired of my shenanigans too. I can be pretty passive aggressive so yeah. I am sure I am a pain in the a$$ for them too.
passive aggressive is how I end up feeling. You're right there can be days it's ok and not so good days. I'm tired of the not so good days though. There are enough other pressures in life and I want to enjoy this time. Waiting for the husbands career situation to improve so we can move out.
So in your case they are living in your house rather than the other way around?
passive aggressive is how I end up feeling. You're right there can be days it's ok and not so good days. I'm tired of the not so good days though. There are enough other pressures in life and I want to enjoy this time. Waiting for the husbands career situation to improve so we can move out.
So in your case they are living in your house rather than the other way around?
Yes.
I wasn't passive aggressive before marriage either. It gets extremely hard some days because I want my life SO bad and it feels like it has been on hold for as long as I have been married. Unfortunately, there is no way to resolve my problem without breaking their hearts. He is their only son (have three daughters but can't expect much from them since they are traditional) and I would rather walk away from this marriage than take him from them. At least that's how they will see it so moving out or living away is not an option for me. Not trying to be all saint-y and stuff. I am an absolute b*t**, don't get me wrong. There is also a huge difference in our mindsets. They are very traditional and religious while I am a liberal, agnostic atheist. LOL
I just try to be grateful for what I have on the good days. The bad days are so bad that Mr. Theorist has no idea how to handle me.
I wasn't passive aggressive before marriage either. It gets extremely hard some days because I want my life SO bad and it feels like it has been on hold for as long as I have been married. Unfortunately, there is no way to resolve my problem without breaking their hearts. He is their only son (have three daughters but can't expect much from them since they are traditional) and I would rather walk away from this marriage than take him from them. At least that's how they will see it so moving out or living away is not an option for me. Not trying to be all saint-y and stuff. I am an absolute b*t**, don't get me wrong. There is also a huge difference in our mindsets. They are very traditional and religious while I am a liberal, agnostic atheist. LOL
I just try to be grateful for what I have on the good days. The bad days are so bad that Mr. Theorist has no idea how to handle me.
Just make it her way if you're making food for them. If you're making it for yourself then make it how you want. If you're moving out eventually don't say anything to her. If you are never moving out, again, don't say anything to her. She'll take it the wrong way I can guarantee it.
My MIL doesn't like how I make food. She makes it her way all the time. If I suggest anything different she will say "we don't eat it like that.". I'm waiting for my baby to get a bit older then I'll start cooking my way for her and myself. Then at least I have an excuse for the way I cook. I can say Baby likes it my way.
Yes I agree with what most people are saying - either do badtameezi to her and tell her off, or leave the place, cause really those are the only two ways to resolve such a minor issue
why don't you ladies get your own space? You all should have talked about this before marriage.
Sometimes its not that easy. Especially if you marry an only son. And they tell you before marriage that they want to stay together. So you agree cause at least you'll be able to do some stuff your way, in laws say that they will let you live your life as you wish. Of course that doesn't happen. After marriage you realise that you're never going to be able to do things your way at all and really why should you? Its not even your house. Its your in laws house. And you'll never get your own house ever anyways. So either cry about it or get on with it.
