I have finally found man of my dreams, it has been going pretty well until now.
He doesnt want be to pursue my medical career after marriage. I am a doctor. We have argued alot on this issue, he/ and his family want a homie bahu and will never accept a career oriented woman He is love my of life and do love me , but i dont know what do do. If i had choose another career it wouldnt not be that difficut to leave, but beeing a a doctor its not easy. I dont want to loose him either..
Sympathy to you, this is a tough one. Sorry I'm not a doc but I dont understand guys who have a problem with a professional wife with no kids. I can understand once the kids arrive, those who want the mom to be home with them...but before kids? Many women can beautifully maintain their home and have successful career too. If he's one of those who wants you to become a housewife now and forever, would you want that life? He wont likely change after marriage so you'd have to decide before you go through with it. Its the rest of your life, you know?
Hmmm such situations do arise sometimes but you've got to set priorities to get through them in a decent way. Think heedfully if you can leave the guy for your profession. If yes, let him go. And if you can't let him go then try to devise a middle way that can fit well between your desire of practicing your profession and his (or his family's) desire of being at home. You can discontinue your job for some time and once life gets settled you can convince him that now when I've been fulfilling my responsibilities in the most efficient way, I want to do something for my own self --- something that will earn satisfaction to me. I'm sure at that time he'll understand your point and will let you do your work and not only he'll let you translate your dreams into reality but will also cooperate with you.
And by the way, I don't mean that you shouldn't talk to him about your job right now. You can talk to him politely. Get his views. And then base your final decision on the flexibility of his attitude that he shows you over this issue.
Im so confused, he is a great person, lovely, kind hearted & established. He is what every woman want. But i know he will never allow me to continue medical after marriage. His family is very traditional too, and they wont either allow. We have discussed it, and it seems like i might have to choose one.
I just want to cry. Staying at home is not really me, i have been working/studing all my life, but i do love him. I cry because cause i cant choose between my love and my career, i feel so depressed :(
Since you say he is your love, I would assume he knew all along about your studies/profession. When he was falling in love, did he not realize what you do? And why does it matter what his parents want you to do? I dont get it.....
Try talking to him, and explaining how that's what you have studied for and worked hard for & it is hard to give up & you shouldn't have to choose between him or career, but rather should be able to balance both.
I think the case here is that he is the love of YOUR life but you don't seem to be the love of HIS life.
Becoming a dr. is not an easy thing, im not studying to be a dr, but i am studying to become a dentist and the studying and the long hard hours of university are pretty much the same as the medics, why wud u want to waste all of that because he wants you to be a good bahu.
You know that you can still b a great wife and daughter-in -law even while you work,
EVen if you aren't in the medical profession every1 appreacites the hard work put in 2 it, and he should 2, I would advise you to sort this issue out b4 u get married, dnt leave it till after thinking that u can change his mind
If he cant appreciate this then u r serioulsy better off without him
I dont care how much I loved someone, if they did not love me enough to let me continue doing or allowing me to pursue something that is important to me, it was not going to happen. period.
I did walk away from relationships because of that.
Jhat, I so agree with X2 here. Your studies and profession are part and parcel of who you are.
I imagine that there is a man out there somewhere who is every bit as lovely, kind-hearted and charming as your fiancee - who will also accept with pride the fact that you are a practicing doctor.
And i believe its so important to discuss and reach a conclusion before u get married, i am a doc too but me and my parents make sure before our marriage that my husband n in laws understand the point seriously that i cant leave the profession. So mashallah I am doing fine.
And also want to tell u abt a friend who was not so ambitious abt practicing medicine at the time she was getting married, but after sometime she also wanted to work and also she had the same problem as yours, she had never stayed at home doing nothin, but she had hard time making her husband understand and finally the argument resulted in divorce.
So please dear be careful in deciding abt ur life.
u know its very hard to become a doctor and the matter is that if i were in ur shoes and i really loved him to death i will leave my carreer for him, but then think that he has such a small heart that he cant even have a lil respect for u to allow u to continue ur carreer until u have kids....i mean think abt it at least he should give u that much space...if u think that u will get someone like him or better....i will say wait for the right person...because this man is way to controlling and its not just one thing it might be in alot of other things did ur parents talked to him and his family abt this.....beacuse this is something that needs to be resolved other wise it will create problems
i totally agree with X2 and tweety_pie.
It takes alot to become a doctor - time, money, dedication and if one day someone walks into your life and tells u to forget everything for them then not only are they being selfish but also theyre being v-inconsiderate. Aaj career kal kuch aur hoga and if you have to change your outlook on life for someone than its soo not worth it.. you want to work, you have all the right to do so.
I would suggest you doing istekhaara.. its a huge decision and i think asking Allah's will might make it easier!
and if things dont work out - Insha'Allah there is something much much better out there for you! Dont lose hope - hugz
Well If His family is that much conservative that they won’t like you practicing your profession at any stage I concur to the view of the rest of the folk that you should reconsider entering into this relationship. Mamaof3 is very right in saying that there will be someone equally good, loving, kindhearted etc etc for you who will accept your practice very open mindedly. Just don’t cry.
Im just loosing all hope for this relationship. Even the wedding date has been set, and my mom is in pakistan for wedding shopping. Can someone suggest a good dua i can read in difficult time
