Pursue career after marriage

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Pursue career after marriage

I agree with X2 and what others said. Not only that, but do you think his controlling behavior will end there. Yous aid even if he agrees, his family wont. Will he always give more importance to what his family thinks than you? You ARE gonna be his family afterall.....doesn't sound so great to me. Sort out your feelings for him, is it really true love, he wouldn't be making such demands....

Timepass - March 2013
22

Re: Pursue career after marriage

INSECURITY AND SOCIAL STATUS.

So sad to hear about this situation again and again, wife wanting to work and hubby not wanting it. And always for the same reasons.

Is he as equally educated as you..I mean post graduate level? Men who marry women more educated tend to have insecurities about this and the deal with it by reducing your status so that they become superior.

The other problem is when in laws worry about what others will say.The in laws probably dont wont people thinking that their son cant support his wife which is why she is working.

My gut reaction would also be to leave this now before it blows up afterwards but not before fighting for your right!

With regards to a woman working...Hazrat Khadija was a businesswoman and the Prophet was actually HER employee. She chose to give up working after marriage but it was a choice SHE made. Women are allowed to work outisde the home with the permission of the husband..NO INLAW PERMISSION IS REQUIRED.

I think that a fair compromise may be to say "I wont work immediately after marriage but will retain the right to go back to work if I want to". If he agrees to it and the in laws dont...doesnt matter. Use a little trick.

The nikaah nama is not only for signing consent it can be also used a prenuptial agreement. Have your hubby ensure that it is written in the nikaah nama that you are entitled to work after marriage. That becomes a contractual obligation that even in laws cannot change.

When my sister got married, we had all these agreements of what she should and shouldnt do but after marriage it all changed and she ended up divorcing. I got married in the middle of my studies and only got married on the understanding that I would be allowed to finish after marriage. It never happened. My sister wrote in her nikaah nama that she was entitled to work but chose to be a stay at home mom, however the choice was always there.

If these people are not agreeing now, if they eventually agree, it will be reluctantly and there is no guarantee that they will hold up their end of the bargain..unless you get it written somewhere so that you have proof to counter them with.

Good luck.

23

Re: Pursue career after marriage

Loser hai. Dump kar lo.

24

Re: Pursue career after marriage

^ :omg: what’re you doing dude?! :smiley:

and to the thread starter..seriously, if he loved you oh so much he wouldn’t be putting you in this situation. loser hi hai, dump hi kar do.

25

Re: Pursue career after marriage

well, i am husband of a doctor and also a brother of a doctor sister.

i had always in mind before marriage, will not hinder wife career if she is a professional, which she is, though she is not working at present but working towards it. my sister hubby tried many times to end her professional life and stay at home, but me and family has resisted so far,

though both do not require to work, but i guess the efforts they have put into their careers and the country resources they have used to become doctors definitly deserve them to be in the profession.

if this person loves you and know how important is for you, then he should convince himself and his family too about it FULL STOP! get some nerves and stand up for yourself! or why you have wasted a seat in medical school which could have gone to a person who could also serve the nation!

26

Re: Pursue career after marriage

I agree. Sorry to state the obvious but if he loved u he wouldn't be making an issue out of this and be asking u to give up such a worthwhile career. I come from a family of doctors as well and they would never dream of asking a young woman to drop her job just like that, it's really selfish and disrespectuful imo, as if what u worked so hard for is something irrelevant. They should be grateful they're getting a DIL who's so hardworking and wants to do a great job. Shame there are not more female Muslim doctors out there..

27

Re: Pursue career after marriage

SAY TO HIM....without female docs, where would you send oyur mum/sister/me to get chekced...we would have to be seen by male docs...if every female doc was not allowed to work where would that leave us then...

and why would he wana marry someone whose studying to be a doc, most ppl studying this, end up working as one ! He should know this.

my fiance also said in the beg, he didnt like me working, i told him to get lost.....( in many words) but he changed, adapted understood, because he wanted me, so now 2 yrs later we are getting married soon inshallah, maybe hel change, trust me, if you give in now, thats it...

28

Ok the first thing is he KNEW that you were a doctor when he proposed to you--if he didn't want to marry a career woman, why would he CHOOSE to marry a doctor? He made the proposal knowing full well your profession, so he should support you in it. If he thinks women shouldn't work, then isn't it dumb to propose to one who does?

Another thing is are you expecting to get pregnant as soon as the nikah is over? if yes, ok it might make sense to stay at home. But most people do not want to get pregnant in the first 24 hours of marriage. So that means you'll have at least a year with no child....so what are you going to do all day? Wait 8 hours everyday just to make him saalan? In that time you can be helping so many people with your education.

Your parents should talk to the guy's side very firmly, but politely, about what their expectations are BEFORE anything gets finalized. Once you are living with him and his family they have the upper hand. They know your situation is much more delicate in our society, so they will take advantage of it and have little incentive to change. And it's easy to convince a husband alone, but when he is around his family all the time, it is a lot harder. So definitely work fast, don't think too much about who will be upset or not...trust me divorce is a lot more upsetting than broken mangni. But ideally you can make him understand and avoid either situation.

29

Re: Pursue career after marriage

he sounds like an idiot.

are u still marrying him?

30

Re: Pursue career after marriage

hey sweetie i have gone through very similar scenario and alhumdulliallah i am doctor as well. the information u have given i find it insufficient to base my decision on pm me ur email and we'll talk :) and until then chill out and have fun and that way u will sexy and smart

31

Re: Pursue career after marriage

If you really can't convince him to let you work, let it go. We didn't bust our butts and waste our money to sit home. Eww. Who's gonna pay off my loans, if I don't work?!?!

When did you sleep yesterday?
32

Re: Pursue career after marriage

Even if you agreed not to work, you will have a lifetime of resentment and this will ALWAYS be brought up in arguments later on.

Another case of love is blind, you should speak to Disturb Angel and start a club... But wait, you sound more aware than she does.

33

Re: Pursue career after marriage

Don't your parents think that your investment in your education is worth using? You need to talk to your parents/mom ASAP about this, and they must take it seriously- not like "baad ki baath hai". I don't know any dua- just pray to bring you to the right decision, and to give you strength. Seriously, if you can't convince him yourself, then you MUST tell your parents your concerns and tell them to talk to his family on your behalf before things get too far!

And even if you love him now, one day when the novelty of married life has wilted and you get into a cycle of monotony- you will question, and perhaps hold resentment- that why were YOU the one who had to sacrifice?

34

Re: Pursue career after marriage

Do istikhaara: How to do (perform) Istikhara with dua. Arabic Text with Urdu and English Explaination - Istakhara

Nothing wrong if you choose to be a stay at home wife…but only if your def. sure it’ll make you happy. And since thats clearly not the case i can see by reading this thread then i suggest u do istikhaara and keep making dua to ask Allah SWT to guide you to the thing that is best for you. Because sometimes what we think might be the best for us won’t really be the best in the long run…Allah knows best.

35

ouch. i can totally understand ur pain. Recite Surah Yaseen (jo subah k wakt peray uski sari din ki hajtain poori hoti hain) then there's always Istakhara.

the fact tat this thing is becoming an issue might be an indication from ALLAH. i wud say calmly think again.

same hting happend to sum1 i know. everything was good to go. 11 days before her flight to pak stuff happend from guy's side of family n finally gal's family broke off the engagement. the thing is they never did Istakhara n ever since they had set the date they were having issues.. i guess it was an indication from ALLAH.

SO JUST CUZ DATE IS SET IT'S NOT TOO LATE YET. i'm not saying break the relationship all i'm saying is be careful. think bout whether u can sacrifice ur career. if it's not sth u can do then wait till ur mom comes bak tell her the whole stiuation n then adults can handle it. Best Wishes. Will keep u in my prayers.

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Re: Pursue career after marriage

very difficult decision.......you are not married yet. he shd have known that women who are doctors become so ....so that they can pursue a career. its so difficult to become a doctor. and then not avail this talent!!!!! so harsh.

if you got married then you will have to do as your husband wishes unless you can convince him(do so before marraige). bcz its something that that is not unislamic(women staying home) so once married ur husbands saying goes.

i wud urge u to convince him before marraige as u do love him.
take care

Timepass April 2013
37

Love of live banaing period kay dawran kioon naheen discuss kar lia tha is matter ko?

Ya phir rishtay ya shadi kay waqt mamla saaf ho jata phir aap faisla kar laiteen.

Aisi batain jis main kisi ki naheen sunni hoti hai aur apni chalani hoti hai us matter pay pehlay baat kar lena bahtar hota hai.

So why did they marry a doctor girl if they wanted a homie bahu?

According to me if your husband give you permission you could do your doctory till you become mom. Tell them this and also tell you will also fulfil all the requirements of home along with job.

38

Re: Pursue career after marriage

I think it all boils down to this; do you love your career or your man more?
if you like your career more, then you might have to leave the guy. or vice verse.
these kinds of issues should be settled out before making a commitment of any sort.

39

Plz do not try to break their relationship and for her she might have to give away her carrier becoz at last in the end after children she would have to give time to her children and give up her carrier. so dont loose such a nice guy for ur carrier bcoz today those women who get a gud hubby are very lucky otherwise u could see the situation of men today.

it will be a foolish step for u to give up ur love for carrier bcoz in the end after birth of children u definitly would have to give up ur carrier so not now.

be brave just go ahead and take a wiser step.

:)

Andaz Apna Apna
40

Masha Allah gr8 post. Jazak Allah khair for giving gr8 mashwara.