What kind of problems may these couple face in terms of culture/language clash? Let’s say the husband does not know anything about the pathan’s e.g. doesn’t speak pushto but wife and her family does, hasn’t ever been to areas in pakistan where pathans live e.g . Attock, Pehsawar. No clue what so ever about the Pathan background.
The only thing that brings the couple together is that they both able to speak english and follow the same Islamic school of thought, does anything else matter?
Don’t have much time to go into anymore detail, pls excuse me if the above doesnt make sense. I’ll check replies tomorrow.
We have one punjabi/pathan combination in my husband's family, and while the differences aren't as dramatic as our marriage, there are several considerations to take into account.
The first situation you will run into is dowry. Punjabis seem particularly fond of the girl bringing dowry, but the Pathan families that we know insist on mahr, and don't pay dowry. Your parents and family should understand this ahead of time so that they don't embarrass themselves. The wedding customs may also be different, and both sides should be willing to compromise on this.
Most of the problems in mixed culture marriages are not from the couple themselves, but are caused by the respective familes. If the girl and boy feel that they are compatible and are willing to compromise on certain issues, and WILL NOT be living in a joint family situation (at least for the first few years) then you should definitely go for it. It isn't everyday that you find someone that you can envisage spending the rest of your life with.
If both families are not too much into their culture and traditions, it should be okay.
I know my family are always talking about how punjabis do not follow Islam the right way because they have come across too many who do not fast. So if they were to get a punjabi rishta they wud probably make sure of that.
So it all varies from family to family. Figure out whats important to you guys and if you find those things in common, then i dont see a problem.
The pathans i've known are religious and dedicated to praying five times etc but don't know about their lives outside the mosque. Never known many pathani girls at uni etc as Pathans are known to be strict when it comes to educating girls and allowing them to work - don't know if this is the case anywhere else.
I've never been to a Pathan wedding ...don't know about their wedding customs.
Anissa - I think ur right.
Thanks for ur input guys.....I'm still interested to know how pathan culture differs from the punjabi culture.
Thanks for ur input guys.....I'm still interested to know how pathan culture differs from the punjabi culture.
Biggest thing about having pashtun/pathan girl in your life is::::
bi-monthly she is going to remind you that how good pashtun guys(people )are.
She won't mean it in bad way-- but She will not be able stop being proud (once in a month or so)
Other then that your life will be fine. Don't think twice!
my family is punjabi but we have lotd of punjabi/ pathan couples in my family both to pathani men and woman, there are cultural differences, but it doesnt bother us, infact its a gud thing, when we have weddings and its a pathani bride or groom we carry out the different punjabo and pathani traditions that take place during a wedding which makes it more fun.
As far as language is concerned all the pathans that have married in2 or family spk fluent english and urdu, a few ppl in my family spk gud pashto but neither familys speak pushto or punjabi more often than english or urdu so it doesnt really matter
On the whole though 4rm my experience pathan/punjabi or even punjabi/sindhi marriages work well, u just have to think positively and all will be well inshallah:)
The pathans i've known are religious and dedicated to praying five times etc but don't know about their lives outside the mosque. Never known many pathani girls at uni etc as Pathans are known to be strict when it comes to educating girls and allowing them to work - don't know if this is the case anywhere else.
I've never been to a Pathan wedding ...don't know about their wedding customs.
Anissa - I think ur right.
Thanks for ur input guys.....I'm still interested to know how pathan culture differs from the punjabi culture.
Well there are lots of differences in culture.. such as wedding, rishtas, and even education.. as u said pathan ppl don't like women working and they are very strict in islam...
One of the main difference in pathan wedding is tat, in pathan's wedding the guy pays for all the wedding expenses.. while the girl pays only for the jahez..
other main difference is walima.. ( some pathans do have it) but most of the pathans don't have walimas..(mostly afghan pathans).
Pathan and punjabis are both very proud tribes.. it is like there can't be 2 kings in a jungle.. so tat is why they don't get along alot as well..... there are some language issues as well.... after wedding the pathan family expect the girl/guy to learn pushto and punjabi family expect them to learn punjabi....
iam a bit tired and sleepy so iam not editing my post.. but i hope u got wat i mean.. :(
if ur confused.. ask me and i will try to make it a bit clear later..
P.S The previous post i said was more of a joke.. i do get along with punjabi pplz.. and as a matter of fact 70% of my friends are punjabi...it is just a matter of compromise..
We have one punjabi/pathan combination in my husband's family, and while the differences aren't as dramatic as our marriage, there are several considerations to take into account.
The first situation you will run into is dowry. Punjabis seem particularly fond of the girl bringing dowry, but the Pathan families that we know insist on mahr, and don't pay dowry. Your parents and family should understand this ahead of time so that they don't embarrass themselves. The wedding customs may also be different, and both sides should be willing to compromise on this.
Most of the problems in mixed culture marriages are not from the couple themselves, but are caused by the respective familes. If the girl and boy feel that they are compatible and are willing to compromise on certain issues, and WILL NOT be living in a joint family situation (at least for the first few years) then you should definitely go for it. It isn't everyday that you find someone that you can envisage spending the rest of your life with.
I totally agree with you, although its a big issue in my family, we being pathan, i somehow after much thinking am engaged to my punjabi fiance.... and believeeeee me... its very different. I care a lot about him and always felt that i can compromise on things for him but now its getting harder as the wedding is coming close because he seems to never compromise since his family is so stubborn!! aghh....
and now my family just feels like they treat us as inferiors... etc etccc
well honeslty... i think its about kismat... make lots of dua...have faith in Allah SWT... and insha Allah I hope everything works out for the best..
