There are many things to consider. The most important thing is education. Educated people in pakistan believe more in nationalism than regionalism. Educated Pathans and Punjabis will feel less differences in each other's cultures. The second thing is acceptance. The beauty of a marriage is that both husband and wife let the other to preserve their identity and let there be a balance between acceptance and adoption of each other's cultures while also respect those aspects which one can't adopt or adjust to and come to a more reaasonable and acceptable solution. What I mean to say is try to mix up your cultures while also retaining your separate identities. Second thing is love. If they truly love each other nothing can come between them. Elder brother of my friend as well as his maternal uncle are married to pathan women. They respect their husbands, listen to them. Don't do anything against their will. Tend to their needs. As a result their husbands also love and respect them. Let me be clear that every man no matter from which culture he is wants this. This is all men want. And if he is a true person he will also give devotion and respect to his wife in return. I am also interested in marrying a pathan female as my friend recommends it. Now any where in any culture , even couples from same cultures have differences. The problem occurs when husband or wife adopts a confrontational policy. It is a general rule that the wife has to follow her man. She can influence his decisions through love and subtle actions of wisdom, if she is really wise and believes that her husband is doing wrong. On the other hand one may ruin one's marriage if one directly confronts him. The thing is that try to make your home, heaven so that after coming home and at the end of the day of so much hardwork he feels comfortable. The last thing is compatibility. In punjabi we say here that Oh God! Make me meet with a nice (Pious/ Naik) person today. So this is the thing, Keep your will (niat) right and Allah will help you to meet the right person. My final words. Love is necessary in marriage.
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
I'm Hyderabadi and married to a punjabi - the main thing with marrying a different desi culture, as has been mentioned, is the wedding process/costs/events.
Make sure your families have a clear understanding and agreement of who does what and pays for what. We found that what punjabis expect during a wedding is different to what we expected to happen.
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
i dont think there should be a problem with punjabi/pathan. But there might be some cultural clashes like different traditions and language etc. What i wonder is, what language will the child adapt to? both languages?
In our family as far as i know there havent been any punjabi/pathani yet, but there is Sindhi husband/pathani wife. And they have now a 2 yrs old daughter, i wonder what language she is speaking 
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
Everyone is talking about difference in traditions and culture. i fear we are mixing them up with religion. Religion is same for punjabi and pathan. aS long as any tradition or culture doesnt clash with Islam, it should be acceptable by everyone.
Its all about how do the two individuals go along. if their mentaly compatible then no major issues will ever emerge.
In my family we have punjabi gals married to our pathan boys and vice versa, they are doing just fine. Happily married.
We have one punjabi/pathan combination in my husband's family, and while the differences aren't as dramatic as our marriage, there are several considerations to take into account.
The first situation you will run into is dowry. Punjabis seem particularly fond of the girl bringing dowry, but the Pathan families that we know insist on mahr, and don't pay dowry. Your parents and family should understand this ahead of time so that they don't embarrass themselves. The wedding customs may also be different, and both sides should be willing to compromise on this.
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yeah I noticed this too with Punjabis. Im a karachiite, we insist more on the mahr too and don't pay a dowry either....but i did notice that in Punjabi culture it is sort of the opposite.
btw, I LOVE pathani people!! I think their eyes are gorgeous!!! :)
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
i am also a pathan...well about wedding than i think in our family the wedding is same as punjabi people...we have 2 mehendi ceremonies...for 1 the girl side pay and for the other the boy side...for the baraat side, the girl side pay and for walima the guy side...
in our family there is no restrictions on girls working or studying but yea when we go to pakistan then we have to follow lots of rules...like wearing burka aur big chadar to cover up when we goes out and thats because of my grand father...
well about jahez than yea i think the punjabi expects their DIL to bring jahez but in pathan culture its not a must but still the girl bring jaheez
i know 2-3 couples where the wife is punjabi and the guy is pathan...they are very happy and they speak urdu at home...they guy doesnt have to learn punjabi and the girl doesnt have to learn pushto
** Rishtay Asman pur Banthey hey.**
True , but God have gifted us with thinking abiltiy, so proir to proceed for the underquestion Engagement/Marriage better to consult people and debate it , well done.
I am Trible Pushtoon and can understand better what differences could be there in Pushtoon and Punjabi cultures.
I have many punjabi friends from my University in Karachi , we were together for about 4 or more years.
Prior to interaction with Punjabi people I had same view as our people in Pushtoon belts has , but when I interacted with them my many misconception were omitted/rectified.
I am not going in my stories but want to conclude that ,
If Pushtoon families/Person Grown up outside and have enough interaction with other cultures that would definetly include Punjabi , then there would be little differences among the couple individauls, their compatibility etc and the otherwise Could never be recommended.
Yes, differences are always there from person to person even in siblings and Marriage is always name of Compromises.
But we should always look in situations where to come across lil compromises , so if you/Your freind have other options and can go for that then that would be definetly better solution.
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
wow … GS HAV sooo many pathans n patheniess … n majority blongs to middle east countries… 
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
^ some of us have escaped to the UK though :p
My husband is punjabi pathan he is very proud of his punjabi and pathan background. I am half pathan. He is not pushto speaking but he converses with me in punjabi since he came to the uk. Whereas when we were in pak he only spoke to me in english. But it also gives me a chance to get a better understanding of the punjabi language although it does not always happen we he is speaking it at 100mph. So now i just answer him in seraiki which is my mother tongue so he is gettting the hang of that. : )
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
mum dad both are pathans...mum speaks farsi and dad speaks pashto..and to understand eachother they had to speak urdu
and just bcuz of that im urdu speaking lolz...dont even know a word of pashto/farsi :D
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
Of course, pashtoons could argue that any pashtoon person who marries a punjabi has given up any right to call themselves pashtoon and are now punjabi anyway.
So I hear :p
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
^ I think those would be a very backwards type of people to think that.
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
@BritChick
And in some cases punjabis say that they guy has turned "pathan" and no longer belongs to the "elite" punjabi group. :)
^ I think those would be a very backwards type of people to think that.
^ something that is usually said by people in the very situation described :p
@BritChick
And in some cases punjabis say that they guy has turned "pathan" and no longer belongs to the "elite" punjabi group. :)
Can't be so elite if they've 'left'.....
Pakhtoon have extreme pride. Even little kids are taught to have pride. You will not find this attitude in non-pakhtoons in general. Rather marry a Tajik or Iranian , Sindhi or Balochi. Stay away from Pakhtoons.
When people here are "joking" that she will tell you "how great pakhtoons are.." every day .. they are not joking at all. Pride is part of Pakhtoon culture. I think better to avoid pakhtoons.
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
i am also a pathan and my fiance is punjabi - it will be a love marriage.
We get along very well but of course there are many differences between us, but don´t know if it is bc of the pathan-punjabi combination or bc of our sign :-D
but if you are born and living in the western culture, then it´s easier to get along with the other bc you also adopt the western culture in a way and are more relaxed about some differences. you r not that typical pathan aur punjabi if you r not living in that culture.
Re: Punjabi Husband/Pathani Wife
My mother’s side of the family are Pathan… my father’s side are Punjabi. As far as i am aware, there weren’t any major issues in their marriage that they would blame on their differences of their “ethnic tribe”. They are both of Pakistani diaspora anyway.
If you’re both Muslim and mentally compatible, then i think nothing else should really matter. It is what it is. There will be issues if you make a big deal out of every little difference.
I think both of the two previous posts are regarding diaspora Pakhtuns and Punjabis. I am referring to the culture of Pakhtuns within Pakistan.
Read the following article in an anthropology magazine give a very close observation of marriage within Pakhtun/Pashtun culture.
Marriage as Warfare:
"......
Inside her house, a girl of twelve, hearing the war drums' energetic tattoo, cowers in fear on a string cot. She cries silently behind the folds of her voluminous embroidered shawl, while her relatives gather about her, their faces long and mournful. Even the bright luster of the girl's golden jewelry does little to alleviate the atmosphere of tension and distress in the household.
The girl on the cot is the new bride, and she and her family are waiting for the moment when she must leave her natal home forever and take up residence in her husband's house. The use of the war drums for a wedding is actually far from ludicrous, for marriage in Swat is very much like a prolonged combat and is recognized as such by both men and women. The relationship resembles that between two opposing countries where an ever present cold war frequently erupts into skirmishes and open conflict.
During our nine month stay in a Swat village in 1977, we witnessed such relationships firsthand. With our twelve year old daughter, we lived with a Pakhtun family in three small rooms that had been constructed on the roof of their house. As friends, guests, and adopted relatives, we were accepted into the life of the village with the warmhearted generosity and hospitality for which the Pakhtun are deservedly renowned.
This remarkable hospitality, combined with an idealized notion of male friendship, is one of the three cornerstones of Pakhtunwali, the Pakhtun code of honor, the other two being refuge and blood revenge. This code is older than Islam and often supersedes Islamic tenets. For example, Islam allows divorce, Pakhtunwali does not; also, sometimes a man will swear falsely, his hand on the Holy Koran, in order to save a friend....."
read the complete article: w w w. naturalhistorymag. com/ print /2054
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