^ no matter what I, or anyone else says, you seem to already have preconceived notions...X2 & Ghosty have already given very thorough and realistic takes on what this scenario entails....
As for my friend, no, "grandparents did not raise the kids" they helped the couple after the birth of their first child while she was in her residency. She and her husband continue to work and raise their children on their own just like any normal working couple.
If you don't think you can adjust to that type of struggling in the beginning, it's simple..don't marry a doctor, because if you do, their will be some level of sacrifice and understanding needed on your part.
My brother in law is a Dr. in the UK, my sis is a teacher. He was away for most of the time due to his residency , fellowship etc, MA, now he is a consultant. My sister and he chose not to uproot their family every 6 months - 1 year, so my sis stayed put in one place with the children. They met on most weekends etc, and then he was off again. It was a tough time for them, but AH they made it work out.
My BIL's regret is that he did not see his children grow up, they are now young teenagers, and that he did not spend as much time with his wife and family,. If that is the route you want to take, then you have to sacrifice, but there is no guarantee how it will all turn out..
A female cos of mine was accepted into her residency program when she got married here in the US. Her hubby is in IT. Her residency was on the East coast, hubby in TX. She just completed her residency this summer..they both decided no children etc while she is in her program. Now they are desperate to start a family, neither of them are getting any younger.
A great friend of mine is a med Dr in Canada. His wife is in her 2nd year of her residency program in the US. They have children, a 1 year old and a 2 year old. She lives in the US with the 2 children while he is in Canada. He visits once a month. She is in a competitive residency program, her in laws moved from Canada to be with her and the children (mostly for the sake of the children).
So above you have 3 different scenarios, I can give so many more.
What works for one, may not be feasible for another.
Wow. Thanks to hubby, I know quite a few women who are M.D.'s. I'll give some very specific examples of a few of them.
examples poofed
I can go on and on. I know women who work as anesthesiologist, ER attending, neurologist, OB etc. etc. etc. At least out of the female doctors I know....I don't think they're any "worse" then women I know who work as lawyers, consultants, nurses, or even secretaries. It's very possible for a woman M.D. to find a job with regular hours if she invested the time to excel during her residency/fellowship and network with her peers.
EVERY single women I know who has a full-time job has their kids "raised" by grandparents, nannies, or day-care etc. That's not specific to doctors. I'm not a M.D. but have a full-time career. If I don't' give up my career when I have kids, they'll end up with a nanny or day care too until they start school. Heck even the secretary at my office drops off her 3 year old at day care every morning.
As mentioned earlier by another poster......the pros and cons of marrying a doctor is the same as any other full-time career. For a man, the issue shouldn't be if he wants to marry a doctor. He needs to ask himself if he wants to marry a woman who has a full-time career (ANY career).
well, i heard they usually don't give proper time to the kids and the house because of the career n stuff.
I hear this is the reason most men give when they feel bad about earning less than their wives. I don't know a single woman who has sacrificed her family for her career. Not one.
pros = will bring in a handsome salary, will have a social status, a doctor at home, good benefits
**
cons** = will work longer and odd hours so hubby will be lonely, hubby will end up working as domestic slave, she will be bossy!
KKF, this is a huge generalization on your part.
No matter what the field, everyone has certain sacrifices to make in their early days.
^ Lets keep it close to home...There is a Guppan, a very active poster might I add who is an ER physician with a baby...her husband is not. He works a regular 9-5 shift, she works the night shift..their daughter is never neglected, she still manages to cook for her husband, keep the house clean, all needs met etc...
This scenario might not work for all, but it certainly works for them, without the stereotypes normally associated with marrying a doctor.
And the other couples I know personally don't have hang ups either...they also have similar arrangements or rely on help from parents when it comes to the kids.
Again, it's not a lifestyle for everybody. I just hate to see the assumption being made that a husband will be less of a man or his wife's slave if he marries a doctor
So she cooks for him cleans the house etc while husband 9-5? Seems like she is choosing to take on too much. Why not share domestic chores?
So she cooks for him cleans the house etc while husband 9-5? Seems like she is choosing to take on too much. Why not share domestic chores?
i don't live in the house with them, and was merely relaying bits I've picked up in conversations with this individual, so I can't speak on the division of housework...the point I was trying to make was that it is possible for a wife who is doctor to still run her household efficiently and carry out traditional "housewife" tasks if she so chooses.
i don't live in the house with them, and was merely relaying bits I've picked up in conversations with this individual, so I can't speak on the division of housework...the point I was trying to make was that it is possible for a wife who is doctor to still run her household efficiently and carry out traditional "housewife" tasks if she so chooses.
i don't live in the house with them, and was merely relaying bits I've picked up in conversations with this individual, so I can't speak on the division of housework...the point I was trying to make was that it is possible for a wife who is doctor to still run her household efficiently and carry out traditional "housewife" tasks if she so chooses.
KC i hear ya, maybe she likes doing justice to both roles. i know some women like that, run a career and run a home, does not mean the husband is king of the castle, he has all the outside chores, and yard work, pick and drops, weekend sports trips and other family commitments. The workload may not be equitable but if the couple is okay with it..they are okay with it.
Wow! Glad I decided to peek into this thread. :)
I am the guppan khatti referred to.
I will confirm what khatti said .... I do manage to work full time and keep house and raise my baby. First off, I can do so because my line of work allows me to pick my hours. So I mostly work nights ... 12 hr shifts. Some weekends I work days because my husband is home. I don't use babysitting services and I haven't yet had to use cleaning services.
Yes I'm tired and yes I sleep very little. So what? ... Human body is amazing in its adaptability.
Secondly, I'm always surprised to find such threads on here, because in real life there are so many women like me. They do it all and they do it well.
So yes, I cook daily. Its my choice. Hubby n I love food ... And keeping halal means someone's gotta cook. Yes I do laundry ... Don't you all, married or not?? Yes I clean my home ... I like clean.
To the poster who mentioned chore sharing. Without a doubt my husband helps out. He chooses to .... I have never once asked him to. He does it because he loves me. He does it because he assumes (rightly) that I must be tired. He does it because he is compassionate. None of it is because I'm bossy ... I am perfectly able to shed that role before I enter my home. But then ... Those of you intent on sticking to your stereotypes will probably find my post fake/made up/putting up a front .....
For the op who seemed concerned about grandparents raising the child .... In my case, my parents live about 15 mins away from me. Yet I've only left my baby with them less then 10 times in the last 15 months.
Why? Because I don't think its fair to have them take care of my child while I work. I prefer they enjoy being just grandparents.
Please do not judge those who have the luxury of having grandparent s nearby. Their presence in a child's life is a blessing for both.
I have loads of examples of couples where one of them is a doc, making it work .... And that is the key here .... You have to want to make it work. I'd post the examples but I really don't see the point.
Let me end by saying that doctors are not the only ones with challenging schedules. I know some lawyers, bankers, businessmen and women, whose schedules rivals mine ... So not sure why lady docs were singled out here.
The most challenging schedules are those of kaamwalis, manual laborers who work themselves to death for less than meagerly pay, leaving no time for cookinf or cleaning for own family/ shack.
ehl-e-chaman, u sound like my sis who is a doc and is raising great kids, cooks fantastic food and has a home and garden that is just gorgeous. your point about a couple being caring and doing things because they want to not because they are forced to resonates with me. Begum and I divide chores based on interest, or lack of interest, and practical considerations. dont really use a regular cleaning service so its us. i am the garbage man and the toilet cleaning man, dishes are shared, wood floors are my thing, carpets are shared, laundry for kids and kids rooms is her thing, cooking is shared. i do breakfasts and pack lunches, she does dinner most nights. some ppl find it unusual but living independently for much of my life, i dod all of this for myself so why stop after getting married. oh yeah yard work, killing bugs, unclogging toilets because the kids threw a mountain of TP in it, etc are mine too. works well, not quite clockwork, and the place is not always showroom condition but its better than most and we have a rhythm that works.
