Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

Lifestyle Relationships
1

JEEZ, okay, my MIL is ok, nothing bad, nothing like the horror stories you hear, its basically that im just not interested in talking to her.lol. ok sounds bad i know, i just feel like its a chore to talk to her once a week, when we call them. my husband even says why dont u call urself once a week…rather than wait for him say on a sunday when hes home from work…thing is how do i say i dnt want to ..i mean what could i possibly have to talk to her about every week. and my husband never used to call them at all before, hes been here 4 years, he used to call them hardly once a month or even not that. now its once a week…and its annoying. i know its out of order for me to say that, but its p****s me off everytime he remember to ring, i sound like a right old cow, dnt know why i dont like her much. maybe its little things she used to say, or once said to my mum years ago, or maybe its the little things she used to say or not say when i was there…i feel happy when she sends bday cards on my bday, or asks about me, she even sent a newborn baby card to me even though im not due for another 2months..lol…but then theres time when she will text him and not me, and not ask hows nadz, or anything, all she can say ohh beta i miss you alot, bahut yaad arey ho yada yada…

i sound like im off my hinges, …dont i?

SO whats the pros and cons of being all cosey with her? sometimes i really wish i never spoke to her at all, sometimes i wish we were best friends…?

2

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

umm....you can simply talk to her out or courtesy and ask about how she is...and how are the others at home and tell some stuff abt yourself and how you are feeling.
Its not that hard.

3

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

yup keep the spirit alive, werna end of the day u will be commented as proud, nak chari pata nahi khud ko kya samjhti hai

so its better to have that light sort of healthy conversations on and off :)

4

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

Comeon...If someone doesnt have the courtesy to talk a few words with someone...be it anyone..let alone someone who is the mother of your husband then the comment "pata nai khud ko kya samajhti hai" would suit the person.

5

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

hmmmmmmm. Well i do well hope that once if we live with them, then i get to call my mother once a week too.......!

6

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

But you were talking about talking to MIL here and you aren't living with her abhi so give her the benefit of doubt.
Its not an eye for an eye kinda thing...like if I talk to your mother you let me talk to my mother.

7

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

whats the big deal? it's not the end of the world if u speak to ur MIL once a week just to ask how she is and how everyone else is doing etc etc. why do u want to alienate yourself from his family? if u want to have a good relationship with ur hubby then keep the peace with his mother

8

Well Said.

True. But i hope every human being has that thing within them where they get that uncomfortable feeling if they are not being just with someone. It shouldnt have to be for someone, you should feel for such things yourself.

9

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

I dont know why. She just annoys me, even when shes not talking, even shes ok. i find her fake and things she says p*** me off, like even her son, my husband, thye are very well educated family, and all, and so is he, but he seems to find it hard getting a job here, so at the mo he was doing retail work and stuff, and they look down on that, his mum openly says to him yeh to sharam wali baat hai, yah kya kaam kare ho....its pathetic...i wana slapp her when she says that because he gets all down about it but wont openly say so.....

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and its this that makes me wana slap her one. i dnt have that tolerance level or other bahus who may be jee jee this and jee jee that, i am doing all the jeesss jeeesss at the moment, but its hard and im gritting my teeth as i jee jee.....shes ok otherwise, nothing major, its the minor BS....

10

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

does ur hubby knw how u feel?

11

well, he knows that i obviously try to make him feel better when she says that, but what can i say......i cant say anything negative,itl just sound wrong..anyone saying anything against ur parents sounds wrong, even if he agrees with me, what can he say, he just says ` haan they say that because i have done a masters as well and pir bi i cant get a job but their friends sons who come to the uk all have good jobs now..

whats the answer to that type of taana...

12

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

No offence but offence totally intended: Nadz? You seem like a big-time jaahil w/ that tone of yours. You're talking about a woman who's probably 2-3x your age. =/

13

Dude....she is his mother. She can say whatever she wants to him. She has raised him and taken care of him the vast majority of his life. When your children get older, will you stop acting like their mother when they get married? Will you stop telling them what you think about what they are doing with their lives, i.e. working in a shop when they have a masters? I'm sure his mother feels upset about it and this is her way of expressing it.

I don't see what the issue is here. It's not difficult to be polite and have a little chit chat with the mother of your husband once a week.

And you can never be best friends with your MIL. There are certain boundaries that cannot be crossed.

14

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

I suppose you live with your mom.. your husband does too. You think its justified that your mom see you guys everyday and his mom can't even talk to his son or her DIL once a week? I mean come on. That's too much.

What are you complaining about if she is a nice woman? That she talks to you guys and she shouldn't? She is a mother who probably misses her son and considers you as a part of her family too. You don't have to be her best friend, but I don't see the big deal in talking to her every once in a while.

My relationship with my MIL is very much like this. She is a very nice lady, and I'll be honest, I feel guilty for not talking to her as often as I should. There are times when I don't want to talk to her because I don't know what to talk about but I still talk to her. I know she wants to talk to me so if i can't give her 5 mins a week that's pretty selfish of me.

15

Yup! I would say the same nadz that your tone is extreemly rude and disrespectful.

I know eh. Its so irritating yet funny when these newly wed ladies have the audacity to think they care more for their husbands than his mother or family.

16

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

There was a telefilm on Geo yestertday about the very same topic lol strange

17

You want to slap a woman who is probably same age as your mum and mother of your husband? Clearly shows hows educated and well mannered you are ! :rolleyes:

18

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

Nadz, you ONLY have to talk to her. You dont have to dabao her payr or do her laundry. Just talk.

The problem isnt with her, its with you.

19

Re: Pros and cons of being friendly with the MIL

To the OP, your entries/posts are becoming more pathetic as the days goes by, go play with your dolls. :snooty:

20

Nadzz if your husband is calling her every week after marriage and before he used to call them every month then I think you are the one who must be getting credit for it in his house. Inlaws are very quick at putting blame on bahu and if the calling scene was other way round I am sure people must be think "beta shaadi kay baad badal gaya " or " bahu nay sikhaya hoga " or "beta hum sey cheen liya" may be your husband also doesn't want them to feel anything bad and I am sure they must be thinking that you are a nice bahu thats why he is now calling them once a week instead of once a month.

Girl , you are just soo lucky masha allah that your MIL sends you card on your birthday and she also sent u a card of new born baby .......your MIL is nice & rare , I am yet to come across such a MIL.

Marriage is about compromises , talking with your MIL once a week is no big deal at all ...........is it a too big compromise for you to do in your marriage ? to speak with your husband's mother once a week is a burden on you ????

Forget that she is your MIL just give due respect that she deserves as someone who is old enough to be your parent and show some kindness towards her.