So lets say you like a girl and crazy about her … she lives in pakistan and you live in north america. So she applies for a scholarship to the US and gets it. Before she comes down the guy promises her that an year and a half after she comes here he’ll marry her. By then he would graduate and would be looking for a job. Fast forward 4 months and the guy has some issues with education and goes on suspension. Now he can’t graduate for another 2.5 years, at least. The girl is still forcing him to marry him like he promised which his parents won’t agree to because he has absolutely no income. The girl is saying that she is a graduate and can support them both with her income. What are your views on what the guy should do …
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Wants her badly.....marry
can't handle marriage now....end it
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hmmm thats tough....she can think that he's just making excuses and may have played with her...she uprooted herself to come to US and it would look like the guy didn't try at all
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Well the guy is all for marrying the girl but just wants more time so he can complete his education because no way is his family going to agree where as the girl's mom wants to marry her off asap
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one my friends is in similar situation....girl's family want the marriage ASAP and the guy is not stable enough yet......but the other side is pressurising again n again.. i don't understand why people can't wait......they want a financially stable,viable guy........yet they are not willing to let the guy get stable
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She will think he is playing around.
He needs to speak to his parents and do something...either an engagement or a nikah and rukhsati later.
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it seems like the girl is okay with the idea of supporting the couple for a while at least til the guy graduates...
btw, if its relevant, what were his issues with education that it was suspended? and by suspended do u mean education was put on hold or he was on academic probation/suspension or somethin?
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academic suspension .... and thats pretty much wats put everything on hold
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If she doesn't get married as decided before, does that mean she can't stay in the country? Is it a visa/ green card issue?
But if you're saying she'll work, then I guess its not the visa issue. I think its great that she's willing to support him, however, she also needs to understand his parents prospective. The fact he got suspended, clearly means he must rearrange his priorities now.
Isn't it just better for her to work and save for their future, while he finishes up?
This is only a small dent in the making of their future, you certainly can't plan exactly and expect it to go 100% well. right?
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If the guy's family wouldn't approve of him getting married until he graduates and has a stable job (and the idea of their son living off of her income won't sit well with them), then it also needs to be considered that the girl's family might be pressuring her to get married as well. If she's receiving rishtas, what would she tell her parents?
Can a compromise regarding the time frame not be reached? He could take classes for 1 to 1.5 years and try to do a good job in school, so that his parents would feel more at ease. After this time limit, he can get engaged to the girl, and hopefully (if he's doing well in school) his parents might be more understanding about an early engagement. This would mean that the engagement period will be a long one, and the wedding could take place close to graduation or after it.
If the guy is absolutely sure that he wants to marry this girl, then he can try to meet the girl somewhere in the middle. At least, if there's an engagement (after some time period, like one year), she might feel more relaxed that this relationship actually has some sort of direction. Without an engagement or some sort of formal commitment, she may feel like she was being led on. So, I guess he could try to convince the girl to wait a certain amount of time, then do a long engagement, and then a wedding.
Hmm, it can also kinda depend upon how many classes or credit hours the guy can take. And if he was on academic probation, then taking too many classes in one semester could be overwhelming. Is he planning to take courses during the summer? That can help speed things up a bit.
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Well if she's supporting the both of them with her income. What the hell will he be doing? Being a stepford housewife?!
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Get engaged. That is a firm commitment with the view that once he graduates he will marry her. Set a date and get it all sorted. Your word is your bond.
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She is a keeper , If she is committing to work and support his education , he should not hesitate for a moment and get married and happily ever after . He should cherish her company for life.
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**Waiting for another 2 years is going to put dents in the relationship with one partner being ready for marriage and having kept their side of the "deal" while the other basically messed up (figuratively speaking) for whatever reasons and is now on academic suspension ( what is that anyway ??? ..........Considering that the girl has taken the situation positively and instead of thinking he might have played her has offered a viable solution then the guy should at least stick to some part of the original understanding !
However I would suggest he still pitches in with a part time job AND completing his studies so he isn't completely dependent on his wife . Secondly right now an engagement with a date set for the wedding in like an year would not only help keeping his word but buy him time to finish a large chunk of his studies , so that struggling on a single income would be for a shorter period of time.**
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If he likes her, then marry. All other issues can be better solved with two of them working together on these issues.
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if given the option I wont marry the girl cuz girl is quite inconsiderate. I understand parents are pressurizing her, but she should see his problem too.
if the guy cant live without her, he should take a break from education and seriously look for a job in this bad economy.
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He should have a detailed discussion with the girl. I mean she should understand that he wont be graduating any soon and she would have to take care of everything after they get married for a long time.
For the time being sab changa changa lag raha hai na... two months in the marriage and she would be giving him taanay like desi aunties! =P
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I say he is a fool… Marry the girl man 
These chances dont come often and if thier both in love then love must come first.
As for graduation and job these things can all join the que, besides you dont need to be that smart for a job… these days i’d rather hire experienced and therefore competant workers than some degree holder anyday.
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I dont understand why girls put themselves through this rubbish.
If you can graduate and get a job, why cant they ? You should both be of equally standing.
From my own life experiences via my family and friends i have seen girls who are professionals marry these duffers who have some inexcusable excuse about why they did not finish their education / why they work in tesco's when the girl works as a teacher/ lawyer/ accountant. They SUFFER lack of money equates to living and the girls parents home ( well practically living there!)
For example , my cousin is a teacher. She got married a year a go , and it does not feel like she is married. Why? well she rents a house which takes up 80% of her pay .. her husband works in tesco's part time .. and apparently decided to 'study' something or another as an excuse for not being able to get a good job. He is from pakistan ( born and bred) hasn't got a degree no nothing to my knowlege all he has is a big fat EGO and always boasts about himself and acts as if he knows everything!
Now my cousin and him rented a place around the corner from my cousins parents house. My cousin is ALWAYS at her mums house. Like ALWAYS breakfast, lunch dinner etc all the time. Saving money on food, but bleeding my uncle dry as her husband always uses my uncle's car dosen't refuel it, and they have a car... which my cousin and her sister bought but he so kindly took my cousin's sister of the insurance!
So basically my cousin is stuck with a leech, and is pregnant within less than a year of her marriage. Her husband will never get a good job, and she can never leave her job. My aunty will look after the baby and raise it more or less.
WHY would you do this to yourself? You work so SO so damn hard educating yourself, getting through those hard exams, battling crappy weather, going to uni/ college/ work when your dying of period pain/ sick.. and your hubby is sitting at home sleeping or leeching of your parents.
Is it worth it ? NO i don't think so!
Re: Promises
Guys guys guys ... relax a little bit. The guy wants to finish his education and doesn't wanna mooch off of the grl's money. He wants to be able to earn and provide for both of htem thats the biggest reason he can't marry. Secondly, his family would never agree to it and as far as I know the girl's family won't agree to it either. He got into an academic suspension in a group project where some of the group partners copied and pasted a journal article for pretty much the whole project hence the suspension. I am not saying he is not at fault for this ... because he is but the girl doesn't wanna agree to an engagement and he can't marry her at the moment.