4-5 years I can understand, absolutely, and thankfully there are many job options (at least in the USA, too bad Pakistan is too slow to develop these job options) that allow a young mother to devote time to her children. Of course, extremes are not allowed.
I'll tell you an example. I once talked to a guy who told me that he'd prefer if I left my job for taking care of the children. I said, sure, but only temporarily. While off the job, I'd like to keep in touch with the field, so I'll work at home. But once the kids are in school, I'd like to go back. I give him the same 4-5 years estimate, right? Guess what the dork says?
"No no, more like 10-15 years."
I pretty much knew it wasn't going to work from that very moment.
Geekk, I'm thinking outside of Islam, because even Islam has its social reasons and logic for its social rules. Islam also says to treat your wife with respect, and it says nothing about preventing a woman from following the career she's studied for like 10 years of so of her LIFE, and it certainly does not say that a woman should be sitting at home and doing all the cleaning.
My point is, that if a woman is not obligated to do ALL the cleaning and cooking, then surely, its not unIslamic that a man should share those responsibilities 50-50 or get a maid for the home. If you look at things Islamically, you should concede to that. Like I say, do you need boobs or a vagina to make sure your kitchen has been fully cleaned with Pine-Sol? Last I checked, I don't need my breasts to move the vacuum...
Yes to most of your questions … but the funny thing is, the more you work out in the ‘real world’, the more you start to realise that life just does not work like this … the more you meet you people (meaning rishtas/men), the more this fantasy life starts to dwindle.
I think how you have been raised makes a huge difference … also how much you have really interacted with guys while growing up also makes a huge difference. If you have stayed away and kept that distance from the opposite gender until you start being introduced to guys for marriage purposes, your expectatations, wants/desires will be totally different from how they would be if you had been around guys, even just as friends, while growing up.
Expecting a “Prince Charming” really is expecting too much, but a lot of girls are too silly to realise that.
you ask why a man cant stay home and take care of the kids?
it's quite simple....Allah (SWT) has commanded men to be responsible for the care of women during all stages of their life. Now, it's up to her if she chooses to work or not. However, the man must continue to work because that is his Islamic obligation. The mother's obligation in Islam is to take care of her home.
You say you are thinking outside of Islam? how can when you when you are a Muslim (a practicing one at least)? Islam is a part of you...there is no thinking outside of Islam.
Decisions are not made in a vacuum. You have to consider factors such as religion, traditions, and where you live.
You know what the religion says about the roles and priorites
You know how traditions can’t be set aside in the East
You know how majority need to have a two income lifestyle in the West
Depending on the situation you are in, you should consider the respective perspective. Issues crop up when you pick a little bit of religion, some of traditions and lead a confused life in the West (or East). Working in an office is not a measure of owning 50-50 responsibilites to lead a successful family life.
I don’t think that any women would want her husband to sit home and babysit kids where as she is out of the home all day long. Before marriage we think it is discrimination, etc etc but once you get married it is very painful that your husband doesn’t work or does not want to work and you are out all day long earning money for home which is basically his job (no matter how career oriented you are but it still is painful).
I would never want my husband to sit home full time and raise kids, I can do that job.
If the husband is unable to help the wife with cleaning and stuff, he can always get her some outside help. Like the husband can take his clothes to one of those commercial laundary, may tell his wife why don’t you call the cleaning lady once a month for deep cleaning and stuff, etc etc
My question here is (not be inflammatory): You ladies mention that the guy has to AGREE to this or ACCEPT that, which is fine, but do you ever consider the guys views on this?
Do you honestly believe that the 'perfect guy' (one who agrees to everything mentioned) will not have ideas of his own?
a lot of women try so hard to get “equal” rights that they forget that men have views and rights as well. a man has a say in whether or not a woman should stay home …afterall his kids will be affected by the decision.
I am not saying that women should do this or that, but sometimes you have to give to get something more important. If there is no room for compromise, then stay single and stay happy :)
who doesnt want to look after their hubby? who doesnt want romance? becoming a professional doesnt make you any less emotional or romantic.. we do become a tad bit more realistic but not emotionless :)
the perfect guy is not someone who accepts everything you say without having his input.. asking for someone like that is making you so a lil hypocritical.. if you dont want a hubby who expects you to be all dutiful and obeying.. how can you expect that from him? hmmm
Alright, so what do the men here think that a woman should give up and why? It will come back to my question...does a woman need her breasts to sit at home and do the vacuuming and pick the 7 year old up from school?
I think any reasonable man (read "perfect" man) will let his wife make that choice... if she wants to work once her children are of school age, he will.. its her life. But, you have to remember... marriage is a very special bond. It's not "I this", "Me this", "me wants" anymore.. its about making decisions together and respecting each others choices and wants.. and with that comes compromise..
if a hubby prefers his wife to stay home for maybe the first year or so to take care of the child, i dont see what the harm in that is... i know a lot of parhi likhi girls who have done that and then gone back to work.. nothing wrong in it at all..
You've just gotta give the guy a go.. not look at him with untrusting eyes and thoughts... surely, if ru marrying the guy, there must be some good in him:)
It would be easy, wouldn't it, except desi people are the most 2-faced people I have encountered in my life. Its one thing before marriage, and then after the shaadi the real colors come out. I have seen plenty of girls go back to work and their husbands are really nice guys. On the other hand, I've seen plenty of girls not go back to work.
The numbers speak for themselves. Pakistani Females are sorely underrepresented in the work field...and the number that go to college, just don't end up sticking with their job. This includes professionals.
My point is this: These professional girls are amazing people when you see them getting into professional school. I mean, they have those characteristics that all professionals need. However, they resort back to this desi-nized feminine character type of "oh my husband is my chand, oh my husband is my god, oh I would lick the dirt off the soles of his shoes, and even tolerate it if he cheats on me because you know, he is a man".
Jeez. I would describe the morph in more graphic physiological and anatomical terms, except that Ehsan will probably ban me for it.
Basically their dignity goes down the drain after marriage. I suppose its because they figure that if they actually challenge the guy after marriage, they might lose him, and god did it require a lot of work to get him in the first place.
^ dont u think its really the females fault then for actually not wanting to go out herself? she does have the choice.. but if she's gonna act like a dummy, then its as much her fault as its the husbands..
u can love ur hubby, pamper him and be good to him at the same time u can work.. u dont have to choose between loving someoen and work... its not that difficult..
i blame the girls in ur scenario... why didnt they stand up for their rights? why are they making a mockery of their God given rights? I reckon most guys like independant girls...
i work with one of the most religious and strict muslims.. but what he told me the other day truely opened my eyes.. he said Islam gives women rights... if she doesnt want to work, she doesnt have to, if she doesnt want to clean or cook, she doesnt have to... the hubby has to fulfil all her needs.. if she doesnt want to feed her kids...he has to provide the food for them too... if a women has all these rights..why is she abusing them and acting like a poor lil goat?
when are women gonna stop acting like becharis and actually stand up for themselves? why do they expect the guy to change? they have a voice.. make use of it