Recently my friend got engaged to a really good guy. They will get married in few months.It was an arranged rishta.His family want them to live with them but my friend doensnt like the idea. She wants a place of her own like every girl. She asked me advice wether she should talk to her finace abt this. Wouldnt it look bad now? At the moment they are at the initial stage of knowing each other. What should I advice?She is willing to comprise but it would not make her happy.
she can always live with her in-laws initially and then they can both move into a separate house.
i think she should speak to him very politely and nicely that she wishes to have her own house which she would like to decorate. or may be she can even show him some house pictures saying that after marriage i am planning to buy a similar house for us two. he will either say yeah sure or will question her that you have plans to live in a sep house. and to that she can say what she wants.
waise before the engagement she should have told her parents about her concern so that they could have told the guy/parents...anyhow still not late.
I know girls who preferred living with inlaws (and their inlaws didn't like the idea!). It's worked out well in many cases, but there are of course difficult moments.
For the OP, your friend needs to speak up. This really should've been discussed before the engagement. But at the very least it should be addressed before the nikkah.
Ask the guy....."will you get me a separate house in xyz period of time (xyz can be negotiated"
if he says yes.........then fine...
if he says no........... break the rishta.
Is breaking marriages/engagements/relationships that easy for you? or you just dont feel like offering wise advice to others?!
I have yet to meet a girl who does not want a place of her own
Meet me too :D but reading your post, i doubt i would like that :(.
Meet me then. I dread living alone (ok my friends make fun of me that I won't be living alone but with my husband). But I still would prefer to live with my in-laws in a happy family. I may sound like some abnormal woman but I truly believe that living with in-laws is possible with some sacrifices and compromises from both the sides. But its really worth it. My views might change once I marry into such a family. But its yet to happen. Till then, let me daydream :D
If you keep your neeyat saaf and get married into a decent, sane family (IA) you will remain the same. Aameen.
I will let you daydream. I was the same way...said the same things.
It sounds like it didnt work for you which is unfortunte, but that doesnt mean it cant work for others.
Is breaking marriages/engagements/relationships that easy for you? or you just dont feel like offering wise advice to others?!
No its not.......but since the OP mentioned that living separate is very important issue for the girl......and from observation i have seen things go very ugly due to these matters....its better to break it off now rather than start issues later..
P.S.....the instant rishta breaking thing is Life1 ettiquette..which i can't go against :@:
No its not.......but since the OP mentioned that living separate is very important issue for the girl......and from observation i have seen things go very ugly due to these matters....its better to break it off now rather than start issues later..
I would agree with that in this situation that if she does feel that strongly about living alone, she should let them know and be prepared for the consequences. However i have noticed in all such threads, your reply is always about the same that get out of the relationship but i dont think that's the wisest idea in most cases. Life is never a bed of roses and neither it is a made to order package hence the adjustments we all have to make. The sooner we accept it, the stable we will be in life otherwise there will be no end to quitting and getting out of relationships.
@OP Why is she in a rush to get married if they have different philosophies of life ? If she compromises now she might have heartaches later. She should wait and keep looking for someone who could share her views about separate family units.
There is a very recent thread where the girls compromised to live with in laws and now she is having severe depression because of this compromise she made. Read her posts and learn.
See that’s just what i wanted to hear! You know sarcasm is often not understood by people so why take chance when you know someone can take influence from your post.
You are not obliged to reply to each and every thread incase that makes you just say things for the heck of it
um she should wait cuz it will put a bad impression of her on his parents and also on him. she can always move out after 6-7 months of marriage but she can never change her image that she will create before the marriage. and may be she like living with her in-laws and sharing responsibilities (instead of taking care of all the responsibilities :S)
