Re: Problematic?
Any type of action…is called a behavior. It almost seems as though you think that an “action” needs to take place often enough to be considered a “behavior.” It’s common sense that when some action (let’s call it an “action” since you seem to to have issues with the word “behavior”) is inappropriate or makes you feel uncomfortable…you need to find a way to make it known that it is unacceptable and should not be repeated in the future. When a bacha makes a mistake…the parents address the issue to let him/her know that it shouldn’t be repeated. They don’t wait to see if the “action” will become a routine thing…to address it. They don’t think to themselves “Gee, we don’t want to make assumptions…let’s wait to see if it happens again and again…phir hum kuch karain ge.” And this is not only the case with children…it applies to other relationships as well. Relationships have boundaries and they need to be set and discussed.
I’m not saying that the dad is not wrong. He might be the more guilty party in this situaiton. But just becase the father is more at fault…doesn’t mean that other people’s mistakes shouldn’t be addressed.
She said that when he vents out his frustration over her dad…it makes her uncomfortable and she has told him she doesn’t like it. Why? If he’s only discussing the dad’s actions and how they made his family feel…okay fine. But if his discussion is tinged with ridicule or is offensive…then is that really acceptable? Is “frustration” a justifiable excuse for disrespect for either her dad or her boyfriend? And for a guy to say “you’re biased”…yeah I see a problem with that reasoning. It’s natural for one to be sensitive to hearing criticism about their own parents…even if they know that their parents are wrong. The manner in which something is done is important. She has not specified why exactly she feels uncomfortabel when he does this…but if it’s a problem…then it needs to be addressed. This is a point that was ALSO brought up by previous posters…such as Paheli. And it’s a reasonable point…but I guess you’re more included to go after some posters than others. The OP has also said that she had the biggest fight over this issue (of how her boyfriend talks about her father) and she almost walked out of the relationship. So, don’t downplay the issue Shehryaar…by saying that he seems “normal and without any ego” Har banday k paas ego hota hai.
But again…I’m sure…you will come up with some “logical” reason for why that is not so. You’re right Shehryar…I’m wrong. The OP should log onto ancestry.com to find out what she’s getting herself into. It’s yet another one of your posts where you can’t even consider the faults of the guy…and expect the girl to tolerate her SO’s behavior because somehow you consider it justified. That’s the problem…when someone is expected to tolerate too much…or chooses to tolerate too much…the relationship can break down. 