Problem need a solution :(

Lifestyle Relationships
1

hey hope all u guppies are doing well. i am going through some serious marriage issues here well here goes:

we had a love and arrange kinda marriage and this were difficult since day one as i am a very emotional sensitive person and hubby is more towards a practical side still i was compromising as i luv him used to talk to mum in law about our issues that he doesnt give me time and all so she said get urself busy and i did with my outlet but it all didnt help coz mentally i was thinking about my relationship, then we started getting into arguments and all he used to do is start an argument for no reason and all i did was compromised and developed a fear that wht if i say something n he gets angry which led to not having my own decisions and do whteva u liked the way he liked it.

it got me into depression and i was awake for 2 days at stretch my friends told me to speak to mum in law so i did slowly she said u guys need to start a family i thought maybe she was right and Mashallah we were blessed with a baby boy, i was busy with my outlet and baby but da hubby part was still the same :S,

i had everything a beautiful house lots of money and according to my friends i was so lucky to have such a husband but i didnt want all that i just needed attention from him :frowning: . a few months ago he planned a holiday for just me and him and both ov us went to Paris ,Italy and London we had a nice time and there i spoke to him about what all has been going on in my head all he did was said huni u think a lot and u know that i luv u a lot u are my life i dont understand why did u even think like this so i said well u make me feel as if im not important and sometimes i fail to understand why are we even in this relationship. he just said will talk about it when we get bak home for 2 days in London he didn’t speak a word and made me feel as if im invisible. we went back home and i literally went on my knees and apologized to him well didn’t work and all he said was why did u say all this and the story goes on im still invisible to him and its killing me. then yesterday he was going to Dubai and i got him a watch and a sorry card and put it in his bag which he packed thinking when he reaches he will at-least look at it and call me but still nothing i really feel so miserable. some family friends like those aunties type said to me its Jado and god know wht all i pray 5 times and say different duas just so that i get peace in my life.

i feel so bad and lonely when girls have a problem they go to their parents which i cant even do as my daddy passed away when i was 12yrs old and mum when i was 21 my husbands family was my family for me guys please pray for me and give me a solution or should i just leave him :frowning:

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

your husband is fine, you have some issues.

First step don’t think, yeh don’t use brain - just do your routine work and be little understanding of your husbands needs or thoughts.. etc..etc
Why he have to plan for vacation, can’t you suggest something ? ..
do you have kid? nope.. right.. for God Sake have the kid, if you want to save your marriage..

remember, don’t think and don’t even remotely thought of using your brain, that’s the only problem.

Girls and their issues :mad:

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Re: Problem need a solution :(

Exactly what i was gonna say. Its in your mind.

[quote]
please pray for me and give me a solution or should i just leave him
[/quote]

That is exactly why people should not guppans on life 1 for advice. She is thinking of leaving her husband over such issues. Well done you lot. Ruined another marriage.

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

firenze, she said that mashallah they were blessed with a baby boy…did you read that part? :stuck_out_tongue:

just a thought but did you ever think of seeing a therapist for yourself just to cope with everything and since you did lose your parents at such a young age, it’s a lot to deal with all at once :hugz:

maybe the happily married folks can help her more on this…

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

Girls and their details. One line is enough for us to understand, one more proof :chai:

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Re: Problem need a solution :(

Count your blessings. Look at the positives in your life. You have a child. you have a boutique/outlet/business, right? You need to stop overthinking everything...keep yourself busy. If the problem is that he ignores you, well then ignore him and give him space. Let him come to you, give him a chance to miss you.

It seems like you have a good relatinoship with your MIL, cherish that!

Your husband took you to to Paris/Italy/London and you guys had a good time--do you know how many women would kill for a trip with their husbands? I know women whose husbands will have a sour face with them whenever they're with their families or even going otu to do groceries...

I'm not saying your'e being ungrateful or na shukri but you say yourself that you are emotional and sensitive and he's more practical.. this is the most common problem between two people of these natures. I know it seems like he's being really cold and he probably is but again that's part of a practical person's nature, just like you have faults, so does he.

Just stop overthinking, and enjoy the moment, over time it gets easier.

Stop thinking, "it's not fair" if you're the one who has to work at things and it seems like he doesnt. Often times when the woman makes the genuine effort, the man meets her half way. It may not be fair, but thats life.

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Re: Problem need a solution :(

When you truly accept and understand the above statement, you'll be happy and realize that the "problem" is all in your mind.

My SO and I are the exactly the same you described. He's practical and I'm sensitive/emotional. We used to have the same type of arguments you mentioned. I'm finally realizing that my SO has his own way of showing his love. It's not that he doesn't pay attention to me....it's that he doesn't pay attention the WAY I want him to. But that's just his personality. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love me.

You need to work on your own self-confidence, and realize that there's nothing "forcing" your husband to stay with you. If your husband wanted to leave you, he would. If he didn't love you, he wouldn't take the time off from work and go to Europe with you. Instead of focusing on what your husband is NOT doing.....you need to focus on what he IS doing.

And in all seriousness....you should seriously consider therapy if this is interfering with your daily life. If you're anxious to the point where it's affecting your daily life and affecting your health, you may have some type of anxiety disorder.

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Re: Problem need a solution :(

I luvvv this quote lol .... yea totally aside from the post

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Re: Problem need a solution :(

If doesnt give u enough time .. then try giving him less of your time .. and then maybe everythin will be alright .
Pray to god and give it some time and everythin will be arite

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

the quote is for men, not for women and their brainless thoughts & arguments :mad:

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

dude wth is wrong with u? nayi nayi shadi hui and already so pessimistic and hateful towards women. :rolleyes:

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Re: Problem need a solution :(

firenze, why are you so obsessed with insulting women's brains, talk about your own simple brains rather than trying to figure out the more complicated woman's brain, don't be such a woman hater, take a chill pill and relax, you're scaring the thread starter :P

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

nayi nayi.. .aesa lagta hai ..saadiyaan ho gi… :crying:

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

heY hEY HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! your suchhhhhh a MEANIE!!!:naraz::naraz::naraz::naraz::naraz::naraz::naraz::naraz::naraz::naraz::naraz: …I knwo that , but i said that i liked the quote SO what wrong with that???

and no i’m nt one of those arguing kinda ppl.. and nor am i brainless .. well just a little bit but I Do not argu.. and THATS IT!

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

God forbid, i can’t insult something which don’t exist .. ab mein itna bi pagal nahi hoon.. ::smack:

doing her husband job, .. :mad:

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

:d6c:
kyun mere demagh ka dahi bana rahi ho :smack:

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Re: Problem need a solution :(

Okay...you need to STOP unloading all your negative emotions on your husband. He's your husband, not a therapist.

He is probably sick of the nagging and complaining, even if it is valid. The guy didnt even get a break on the awesome holiday that * he* planned just for the two of you.
Im not saying your emotions and concerns aren't valid, but you need to find a different outlet.Write it out if you dont find someone. Pick your battles, dont make every little thing an issue.
Right now, you need to stop apologising, let everything get back on track, and DONT bring this up again. Let everything normalize, and start again.
If you get emotional about everything, the bigger issues will end up being ignored. Like I said, pick your battles.

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Re: Problem need a solution :frowning:

:cryb:

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Re: Problem need a solution :(

Are you sure he's ignoring you or is he just busy? You can't expect him to give you attention every single hour of the day......such an attitude can be suffocating for the other person. Understand that he has other responsibilities like work that demands his time.......and sometimes he may even prefer to enjoy time with his friends or by himself. You said that you're very emotional/sensitive.........but part of being "sensitive" means having the "ehsaas" that the other person's needs/time/space should also be respected.

The other problem is that it seems like you're apologizing too much.........and that can even send a needy/desperate/too kamzor/chipkoo type vibe.....and people tend to get turned off by that. You and your husband went away on a holiday........he was able to give you more attention then. If he didn't love you or want to spend time with you......he would never have arranged for this mini vacation, right? But when he comes back....he has work....and naturally you get busy. He assured you during the vacation that everything was wrong......yet you apologized to him anyways. Kyun? There was no need to.

Kisi k peechay bhaago gi.......to woh insaan tumharay paas nahin aaye ga.......balke aur door bhagay ga. If you're always going to act like a Sati Savitri....and apologize all the time....and do everything he likes.....and beg him for attention....and act like a chipkoo......you're not really giving him a chance to miss you.

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Re: Problem need a solution :(

Leaving him would be the biggest mistake of your life.

The thing is, no one likes a cry baby or a downer. You need to really learn to count your blessings and understand that space is also important in a relationship.

Your husband provides for you, cares for you, loves you, is gentle and kind with you. You have a child now. And you want to leave him because he doesnt give you some attention? How does this sound to you? It sounds as if you're only thinking of yourself.

He took you on vacation and you spent two days after that moping about? And you want him to do what? Apke pair parhein ke begum aisay moon kyun phulaya huwa hai? Then you spent even more time being depressed about being depressed?

Give each other space...let him miss you.

Please stop crying and sulking about this...wipe your tears...plaster a smile on your face and greet him warmly the next time you see him. Needy, crying and depressed women are not attractive, interesting or fun to be around. He is your husband but he is also human. I work right now...and if I came home to a spouse who was constantly giving me a poo-poo face because he was not happy with the amount of attention he got...it would naturally drive me up the wall. Who has the mental stamina to deal with that?

I have to be honest...I was not expecting you to say you would leave him at the end of your post. It sounds like you have a lot of self-reflection to do...you need to think about what YOU can do to help yourself. Also, you have a baby...enough said. Leaving him is not an option unless he is a bad father/husband.