Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

[Peony]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced…

@zobia

I used to think the same way but followings were the reasoning that made me think differently

1. You dont pick and choose your parents and relatives, except for marriage every other relationship is gift to you from Allah SWT

True but what does that have to do with anything? Parents are not perfect nor are they saints, they can be wrong.

@zobia

2. if Allah SWT wants you to be with someone then no power can stop it happening but if he dont want you to be with someone then nothing will make it happen

True. But a Mother & sister’s disapproval does not mean that the marriage is being stopped. OP can plan a wedding and if his marriage is against God’s plans then things will get in the way and it will not happen. A mother’s disapproval doesn’t mean anything. OP’s Mother & Sister are fallible, their behavior could be wrong too… I know one Mother who did everything to stop her son from getting married, extremely rude behavior to the girl and her family, insulting them at the first meeting about their ethnicity for the entire 4 hour visit, invited them back to her house, which they though would be to discuss wedding details to which she refused to talk to them, ran away to Pakistan for most of the year so that her son would forget this girl and move on among many other tantrums. The Mother’s antics didn’t stop, she continued searching for a bride for her son even after his engagement and threatened to commit suicide over & over again if the son married this girl and finally the bride called off the wedding a couple of months before the wedding because there was no love in the family for the son, they didn’t want him to get married for their own selfish reasons. When the bride canceled the wedding, the happy Mother tells her son “well, if God willed it, it would happen”. The couple reconciled and got married a few months after the original wedding date. Moral here is, “well, God really did will it” And parents are not always perfect. In the above example, the Mother and family were concerned that their funds would be reduced if their Golden Goose got married.

@zobia

3. life is given to you once, and almost everyone live it the way they want it but where is the challenge in there? if you really want to enjoy it, live it for others. i am not saying it requires you to make everyone happy, but keep your parents separate from others. they deserve better. they put their time, efforts, money, prayers on y

Above all things, you should live your life in accordance to the guidance Allah swt has given us. There is a clear line between giving parents their due respect, love, and haq of supporting them and doing everything parents ask/desire including disobeying Allah’s guidance to keep them happy.

@zobia

4. life is short, so learn to make the best out of everything. but if you cant then learn to blindly trust Allah SWT.

Trusting blindly in the Lord and trusting blindly in another fallible human being is not the same thing.

@zobia

5. It is possible for Allah SWT to create someone with all the things you want in your spouse and even more, but only if Allah SWT wants it. He can stop the time for anyone, and anywhere. (If you read As-Hab-e-Qaaf’s waqiah you can see that Allah SWT stopped the time for them)

We have to give the OP credit. He’s been talking to this woman for only 2 months and wanted to let him family know about her so that the relationship can be proceeded in the proper way. We (mere humans without omniscience) cannot say that this divorced woman is or is not the woman that Allah SWT created for him. Most people in this thread are saying that the divorce (from what has been revealed about her) has nothing to do with her character and that the Mother & Sister are using silly labels and jumping to conclusions before giving this woman a chance.

@zobia

ps. it is not that i cant feel what original thread starter is going through. I can in fact i was once in a similar situation. I dont remember precise details but i remember that it came to through a very good friend of mine and she even brought him to meet me, even though i said no to her. I think he was a canadian doc but he was a divorcee + kid. anyways point is, move on and trust Allah SWT or rot in your desires, your choice!

It is great to know that you were presented with a difficult situation and you are happy with your decision. Perhaps your rishta for divorcee +kid may look similar on the surface to OP’s divorcee +kid rishta but it may not be the same issues at play.