OK I’ll be honest, being the only girl and the youngest by 6 years, I was pretty spoiled by my parents. Never did chores, got plenty of pocket $ etc. Never had my allowance taken away. Mashallah my parents are awesome.
Now see… here’s my thing
I don’t want to live in a ghetto or slum. If that means having less $ for groceries or shopping, I’ll sacrifice.
I hate when someone tells me to do chores. Esp when I go to someones house and someone nudges me to go help them clean or whatever. I hardly do work at home, why would I work at someone else’s house ? This is why i would never survive in a joint family b/c I cant stand having someone tell me to do something.
I think I hate working. Well not the work itself but getting up, commuting etc.
I LOATHE the idea of secondhand furniture. In most of my adult life, most of my furniture has been handed down from my brother–dont get me wrong, he has great taste and buys good quality stuff thats good for years to come. But i’m at a point that I want brand new stuff. Like an adult. Could be ikea, i dont care, just not secondhand. Even if someone were to offer me a few furniture things, i’d turn it down just b/c i dont want it. Meh. maybe its selfish and materialistic but since everyone considers me that way..might as wlell live up to that label right?
Actually, its point 2 and 4 that really make me wonder if I am just being and suffering from the princess syndrome?
^ i dont like hand me downs either, but sometimes we just gotta do with what get. Like when i moved from a small unit to a bigger house with the hubz, my mum gave me all her old rugs.. no big deal. It was just a time being thing... and we werent gonna spend money on getting rugs.
We have a dining table from my SIL.. but have gotten a new one for the new place...
And we all pass around baby things to one another.. like bassinets, carriers, walkers.. whatever that is in good condition. I dont think its a big deal.
I wouldnt take it from anyone or everyone.. and wont take EVERYTHING people are giving, but sometimes people are just being nice and helpful, and ive no issue with that.
In terms of chores and responsibility.... ive been doing that for as long as i could remember. Im a lot more lazy at home now though.. just cus im overworked and think sometimes i have the right to just sit and do nothing..
Prissyness doesn't extend to those n financial straits. If it helps, you should use the cover of labels and call your second-hand furniture quaint and vintage.
I personally adore stuff made in the 70s because the quality is almost always superior. Goods were durable then and had a longevity and integrity of maker-ship about them that furniture just doesn't have now.
The day you can afford to shop freely in fifth avenue - I think such particulars may become you. But until then, it is probably more dignified to not have such nakhray :p
Yeah see you are being all logical and rational…but there is that little evil nugget in my brain thats trying to eat away the logical and rational part of me.
Tho when i ever have a baby, i wont mind taking my nephews’ hand me down furniture etc. As long as its in good condition.
Fifth avenue in not-manhattan…full of value shops and cheap stores
there’s more to NY than just manhattan and whatever they show in the stupid shows.
Anyways, I see your point and yes i agree to an extent. Maybe its the fact that I hate to think of myself being “poor” or in financial straits that I have to accept hand me downs. and then it bothers me that I think getting hand me downs is bad. SO i feel bad and then i feel worse for feeling bad and i feel worse worse for feeling worse
That and the i hate anyone telling me to do chores. But if I ever have a daughter iA i will make sure she’s not like that.
Sara, I was raised in a very well to do family set up as well. I studied in private schools and didn't really have to worry about anything ever. However, my ma made me do a lot of work at home, like make our beds, put away laundry, set the table, cut vegetables, clean up after guests, like way much more than other girls like me. I remember asking my mom why she was so hard on us and she said that she wanted my sister and I to be prepared for unforseen situations.
Today I thank my mother for raising us as hardworking girls on one hand and enjoying a great lifestyle on the other. Not that I am suffering in any way now alhamdullilah, but I tell you if I had been raised spoilt, I wouldn't have been able to handle the pressures of a single student coming to the US by herself and then getting married at an entry level job with a guy who had an entry level job and a whole bunch of debt at the time. We may have been poor when we started out but we never felt that way.
It's not your fault if you feel stressed by your situation. (Blame it on your parents :D lol). However, don't be so hard on yourself either. Look at how you have adjusted in a completely different family, look at how you study and take care of your household chores at the same time. You should be proud of yourself that you can handle what's come your way and most importantly, even admit that you are thinking the way you are.
Everything's going to be fine. The fruits of struggle are always sweeter.
You're not suffering from the Princess Syndrome, Sara. You're a newlywed who is struggling to get on a firm footing career wise. Things like these are a struggle for many young couples, but I am sure that you will be able to adjust to the new life and with time, gain experience at work and make more $.
I know that things might seem tough right now, but take this as a learning experience and don't sweat this stuff too much. All the best, if you're around here in the next 5 years, I'm certain tht everything will have sorted out properly :)
We never had anything new in our home. The couch I'm sitting on, my parents bought when they were newly weds and I'm pretty sure this thing was used but in good condition. We still have this thing after 26 years. It creaks when you sit on it and scares the fat ladies who come to our home, because they think its their fat behind, but really, its the couch.
Anyway, my love for my couch aside, nothing wrong in taking hand me-downs.
What you CAN do, is get used stuff for your home for the time being. And then save up and as time goes by, maybe you replace the coffee table. Then replace the couch. Then replace this and that.
Or, buckle down, stay where you are now, and purchase a new home with everything new once you have all the money. It just might take some time for that.
pakone…so almost 3 years is still considered a newlywed? hmmmmm
Niksik…that’s where the difference lies. You had the strong background and work ethic. I didn’t. I don’t want anybody to think bad of my parents and Im not in any way complaining about them or dissing them, but…yeah…i was spoiled. =\
I should clarify..that after some years we are slowly getting in a better position… slowly but surely. and pcG u know what, I decided a long time ago that whenever I move out of this place I will only get brand new stuff for my home. Nothing from here is going (except for…clothesmakeupshoesjewelerybagsmakeupandhubby) and yeah its taken a while to save up but thats my really weird “thing”
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none…i think zindagii meN kuchh paane ke liye u’ve to work hard. i’ve learned that first hand. i know how hard it is to achieve something when ur resources are limited and odds are against u. so, i wud suggest start working on TODAY to make a better TOMORROW…u’ve no syndrome, believe me iA w’ll be fine!
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sara, if you really wana know about princess life read search on Hazrat Fatimah RA life style.
recite tasbih-e-fatima after every prayer (was Subhanallah (33 times) Alhumdulillah (33 times) and Allahu Akbar (34 times)) and your life will be very easier.
sara, if you really wana know about princess life read search on Hazrat Fatimah RA life style.
recite tasbih-e-fatima after every prayer (was Subhanallah (33 times) Alhumdulillah (33 times) and Allahu Akbar (34 times)) and your life will be very easier.
No zobia it will not!!!
Doing right thing make life easy. I don't there are any hidden magic button hidden. God said "adopt what is clear and drop what is ambiguous"
Being rational on every level is one thing which separate islam from every other religion.
These days, "princess" has taken on a negative connotation...
but thanks zobia...will take that advice
thanks. it will make your life easier.
No zobia it will not!!!
Doing right thing make life easy. I don't there are any hidden magic button hidden. God said "adopt what is clear and drop what is ambiguous"
Being rational on every level is one thing which separate islam from every other religion.
pm, to phir app main yakeen ki kami hai.
jab app ki dua ka direct link dil say ho to yakeen he zaroori hota hai.
until you are alive you really cant say anything for that it right. its always good to question your actions cuz it will keep reminding you that u r human and not an angel.
and since sara get to hear a lot, then there is for sure something missing.
pm, to phir app main yakeen ki kami hai.
jab app ki dua ka direct link dil say ho to yakeen he zaroori hota hai.
until you are alive you really cant say anything for that it right. its always good to question your actions cuz it will keep reminding you that u r human and not an angel.
**sorry to interject but...afsos to isii baat kaa hai k ham ne deen ko ToTke banaa kar use gale meN Daalne kaa naam rakh diyaa hai...yeh ta'veez, yeh ganDe, yeh numbaroN kaa vird se pahle zaroori hai k insaan Allah ka banda bane, uskaa Ghulaam bane, uske saHeeH deen par chale. ham aaj bas easy way out meN mast magan haiN...kahiiN ungliyoN meN chhale pahnaaye jaa rahe haiN to kahiiN qabar parastii ho rahii hai jo k shirk hai kahiiN Allahoo Allahoo ke jhaTke liye jaa rahe ahiN...
yeh sab hech, iskaa kuchh Haasil nahiiN
tu agar banda e Rabb kaa Haamil nahiiN**
**sorry to interject but...afsos to isii baat kaa hai k ham ne deen ko ToTke banaa kar use gale meN Daalne kaa naam rakh diyaa hai...yeh ta'veez, yeh ganDe, yeh numbaroN kaa vird se pahle zaroori hai k insaan Allah ka banda bane, uskaa Ghulaam bane, uske saHeeH deen par chale. ham aaj bas easy way out meN mast magan haiN...kahiiN ungliyoN meN chhale pahnaaye jaa rahe haiN to kahiiN qabar parastii ho rahii hai jo k shirk hai kahiiN Allahoo Allahoo ke jhaTke liye jaa rahe ahiN...
yeh sab hech, iskaa kuchh Haasil nahiiN
tu agar banda e Rabb kaa Haamil nahiiN**
your point valid. however, ALLAH SWT give us brain to use it and to differ it between rational and irrational.
the tasbih i wrote simply mentioning sovereignty of ALLAH SWT. :)
ps. jahan us nay yeh unglian banien hain, unhi per us ka shuker uda bhi ker deya kerin :), or bhess ka sahih istemal kerin.
iA w’ll be fine!