Pressure to have kids.

[SaadiaB]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

As soon as I delivered my first baby, ppl started asking me about a second like

" now all she needs is a brother"

oh behen sahib, what she needs right now is her parents and all the time we can give her..

Now that she about to reach age 1 the pressure is even more .. I tell them I have no such plan for the next 3-4 years. At this point the aunties do their best to convince u, that the gap will be to much and other bla bla ..

[Ramsha]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

@Creme Brulee

^^aaho, the original post was about having PRESSURE to have kids by nosy aunties. No one here is saying to NOT to have kids because they take away your wealth. Quite the contrary, children are a blessing from Allah (swt). I think the issue here is OTHER people getting involved in an issue that is a very private matter between husband and wife.

thanks creme, thats exactly what i wanted to say

[Ramsha]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

@Sahar02

And my mamoon came to talk to me last summer, “You’re not doing family planning, are you?” I was horrified that I would have to talk about this with him.

But I don’t really mind when close family and friends ask. It’s more the people who barely know you and are like, “Why aren’t you having babies yet?” I mean how do they know we’re not trying? How do they know there is not a health issue? What the heck is wrong with them that they feel comfortable bringing up such a sensitive topic?

i know, a friend of mine and her husban were trying to have kids for the longest time, but for some reason she would always miscarry, and it use to break my heart when random people asked her why she wasn’t having kids yet.

[Sara516]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

is this wat i have to look forward to

[Creme_Brulee]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

^^But having a loving and supportive husband to go to will make all those annoying aunty problems be forgotten.

[aahmed]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

To all you khawateen, I am so sorry that y'all have to go through this absolute nonsense. Us men folk rarely have to go through it. On the occasion I've been asked by an aunty why/when/how we'll have kids, it has helped to turn the humiliation on to them by asking VERY personal questions like:

• How old were YOU when you had your first child?
• Were you trying to have kids or was it an accident?
• Were you using birth control?
• Did you have a normal vaginal delivery or did you have complications?

This usually encites a "hawww hai" in which case you say, "but you just asked me an equally personal question". Basically engage them but not about yourself, do NOT answer any questions, don't say yes/no/mayb/why/when. Answer each question with a question of your own. Eventually they'll just embarrass themselves and leave.

[Sara516]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

Why is it desis are so ****ing annoying and nosy?? Seriously, they ask the stupidest, noseist and most personal questions, and NOONE has a problem with it!

My khalu died a couple of years ago suddenly, he left behind 3 daughters and later, one of my phupo’s bahus was asking her allllllllll these questions, where when how , all these details..and my khala just kept answering the questions, she clearly looked bothered and upset but that ***** just kept asking stupid Qs..grrrrr

[hussain87]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

islam encourages couples to have kids as early as they can ofcourse its upto them to decides:o …as for pressure i think its present in all eastern cultures and not just southasia :halo: …

[aahmed]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

@hussain87

islam encourages couples to have kids as early as they can ofcourse its upto them to decides:o …as for pressure i think its present in all eastern cultures and not just southasia :halo: …

Hussai87, you bring Islam into a lot of discussions and there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. However, I would personally request that when you make a statement like the one you made above, that you back it up with some source. Making claims without evidence is how innovations start.

I’m sorry if I’ve offended you but that wasn’t my intention.

[bebo]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

It never stops with people. kids or no kids they will always find something.

[Dushwari]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

this is a very personal decision. only yours to make, with a peace of mind, as it is your body which will bear the child.
those relatives who have nothing better to do, just ignore them.
it is none of their business.

[andy936]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

yes Dushwari ........ you are right :)

[AshKhan]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

Well this society is full of such people...whose only business is to mind other people's business...so do not lsiten to them...not even close familt members coz its ur private and personal decision and should be taken mutually with husband/wife. U will know when u guys r ready to have kids...coz kids will be ur responsiblity especially financially and morally and every other way and Godforbid if u could not support kids good enough than same people will be telling u...jaldi kya thi couldn't u guys wait to get settle in life first.

So let these ppl do blah blah.......do wht u both think is right for you and inportantly when u r ready for it...first of all try to understand and njoy life with eachother in first 2 years at least. Coz this time wun't come back.

ChaO.

[andy936]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

@AshKhan

Well this society is full of such people...whose only business is to mind other people's business...so do not lsiten to them...not even close familt members coz its ur private and personal decision and should be taken mutually with husband/wife. U will know when u guys r ready to have kids...coz kids will be ur responsiblity especially financially and morally and every other way and Godforbid if u could not support kids good enough than same people will be telling u...jaldi kya thi couldn't u guys wait to get settle in life first.

So let these ppl do blah blah.......do wht u both think is right for you and inportantly when u r ready for it...first of all try to understand and njoy life with eachother in first 2 years at least. Coz this time wun't come back.

ChaO.

Thanks for you sincere suggestion
:P

[Mamaof3]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

I waited to have my littles and the only regret that I have is that I waited too long (although it could not have been any sooner cause I met my "prince charming" so late in my life). Anyway, I do not have the energy and stamina that many of the younger mothers have.

But the major factor here is have them when YOU"RE ready!

When you get interfering aunties, relatives and friends just re-direct the conversation. "aha well yes we ARE sincerely trying but perhaps our sexual habits are not conducive to procreation. Can you describe for me the sexual positions and habits that have helped you in obtaining a pregnancy?? Details and advice would be appreciated."

I think this will shut them up pretty quickly lol!!

[Ramsha]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

@Mamaof3

I waited to have my littles and the only regret that I have is that I waited too long (although it could not have been any sooner cause I met my “prince charming” so late in my life). Anyway, I do not have the energy and stamina that many of the younger mothers have.

But the major factor here is have them when YOU"RE ready!

When you get interfering aunties, relatives and friends just re-direct the conversation. “aha well yes we ARE sincerely trying but perhaps our sexual habits are not conducive to procreation. Can you describe for me the sexual positions and habits that have helped you in obtaining a pregnancy?? Details and advice would be appreciated.”

I think this will shut them up pretty quickly lol!!

[Krypton]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

haha i think every1 goes through it
ignore thm
im not listening to those sit home-get fat aunties

[Light_Bearer]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

@aahmed

To all you khawateen, I am so sorry that y'all have to go through this absolute nonsense. Us men folk rarely have to go through it. On the occasion I've been asked by an aunty why/when/how we'll have kids, it has helped to turn the humiliation on to them by asking VERY personal questions like:

• How old were YOU when you had your first child?
• Were you trying to have kids or was it an accident?
• Were you using birth control?
• Did you have a normal vaginal delivery or did you have complications?

This usually encites a "hawww hai" in which case you say, "but you just asked me an equally personal question". Basically engage them but not about yourself, do NOT answer any questions, don't say yes/no/mayb/why/when. Answer each question with a question of your own. Eventually they'll just embarrass themselves and leave.

This is the best solution. This what I will do when somebody asks me next time when I am gonna try for a boy. I mean WTF I am not bothered about having a son or not but these rishtaydarz are sometimes pain in the butt.

[Danish_Born_Desi]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

20 years old is waay too young an age to get children. U guys are lucky that u got married in a young age (if u r happy that is). Enjoy ur time together u've got plenty of years ahead of u. Why in the world does it makes u feel like a failure for not being "knocked up" on ur wedding night?? Ppl who make u feel that way have sum kind of issue with u being happily married in a young age without kids. Dont pay any attention to these peepz. I sumtimes think that I shud had gotten married in a young age so that I could wait atleast 4 years before thinking about having kids. Now im just too daym old :(

[Dushwari]

Re: Pressure to have kids.

exactly, we are and must be our own care takers.