Preparing your mind ..

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How long did it take you to be mentally prepared to go on with conceiving? Did you want to have kids right away or you let your self grow into wanting a baby of your own?

Firstly - For me, i am newly married but gradually I know I need to prepare myself for it. I am scared of the entire process - stories of child birth, the pain, the after effects, how a mother manages the household and the baby alone, sleepless nights, etc. Its all just a lot of responsibility & I think one needs to be really mature for it. Most importantly, I am a pain freak. Even a slight cut, pimple, rash, injection leaves me with pain.All i hear from people is it is WAY TOOO PAINFUL and that ends me up getting much much scared!

Secondly, what of the process should one know well before before getting into it? What happens when?

Thirdly, what multivitamins or other supplements should women be taking well before conceiving?

Anything else that needs to be known, please let us newbies on this sub-forum know so that we prepare ourselves for the future gradually. Thank You!

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Re: Preparing your mind ..

what you just got married and you're thinking of kids

don't you want to enjoy a bit more with your husband lol

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I had my nikkah almost a year ago. I am enjoying and will be enjoying with him for a lot many more months. Its just preparing my mind for something that has to happen, for now I am way too scared of it all to get my mind to the direction so enjoyment will be on for a longer period, presumably! :)

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Only advice that I can give you is don't listen to other people's advice as to when take kids (even if it's a light comment like 'you just got married and you already want kids'), or the horror pain stories and all that jazz.

Only follow advice regarding your health, I.e. what medicins to take etc. Ask a doctor about that.

Baaqi you can't really prepare yourself for it.

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when the time is right the time is right.

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^ true.

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thanks for opening up a thread daffy..it will help all of us newly wed ladies

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I think your husband will himself indicate a great time as he will show a desire to have kids, speak to him

My husband said no to the first year we were apart and he wanted to be there with me when it happened but after reading up a lot about my pcos condition he said let's just see how it goes and try, as we have been apart so long it was unlikely.

We have been ready for over a year and hubby and me both really want one now :)

Daffy, please don't take this the wrong way but since the few medication scares in lahore etc over the past few years, I would recommend you not take anything and when you get here, there are multivits called Pregnacare ( you can get them individually for conception, pregnancy, and post birth but they are almost all the same key vits in each ) which help top up essential vitamins and minerals.

You don't need to see a doctor to get them, just at any boots or pharmacy

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Firstly.. the pain is soooo worth that you will not believe me until you have a baby.. I was a pain freak too, I had a very painful pregnancy that even now the thought of it makes me shudder, I had a horrible labor that ended up with c section but Alhamdulillah I was blessed with the happiest and easiest newborn ever!!! mashaAllah mashaAllah! so dont worry, everything will be okay. In my personal opinion, I was perfectly okay with labor pains and couldnt wait for it to get worst because that meant it was getting closer to having a baby and honestly the labor pain isnt something like cut your finger pain or any other injury pain, it felt like my body was getting ready for the baby to come out and that I could do it!

Secondly, everything happens when the time is right.. your doc will not send you a fertility specialist unless and until you have been trying to conceive for 1 year.. in the meatime, realx and enjoy your time with the hubby... it will be very different once the baby is here.. the stronger your bond before pregnancy and baby, the easier it will be to deal with both pregnancy and baby blues later.. you will understand each other without even saying anything!

Thirdly, I guess they recommend folic acid three months before starting to conceive.. but I will suggest visiting your primary doc before you start trying to conceive so she can tell you what you need, such as iron tablets, mutli vitamins etc etc depending on your blood result.

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Firstly - you are amongst many. When you are there - you go through it. Don't worry about it and please don't watch birth videos or testimonials. Just remember that your body was built to do this. Also have an advocate by your side. Midwives help.

**Secondly: **talk to you OB

**Thirdly: **folic acid, one a day vitamins, getting to your ideal weight, exercise.

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thats a great thread, daffy! thanks for opening it!!

I have this fear that I cant see blood. Even if its a bit of it and i FAINT! Recently when I got my nose pierced I fainted! Not because of the pain but because of my psychological fear of needle!

I need help!!

But what I am doing these days is discussing things with husband! And I find it relieving!

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firstly, the pregnancy experience (and getting to that stage) can be very different for every person/couple/woman/man. One experience is not the be all end all.

Noone can predict what a pregnancy is going to be like and how easy or hard it is going to be to get pregnant. The best person who could advise you on this is most likely your doctor. If you have enough trust in them in the first place.

For some, being pregnant is really difficult. Some women end up hospitalised or on bed rest for the majority of their pregnancy. Others have it really easy breazy. Dont listen to either. Just keep faith and be sure about yourself, your hubby and take advice from your doc :k:

In terms of labour, that too like most pregnancies, is different for anyone. If you ask me, I would go through labour pain again rather than the first 2 months of agony of trying to understand the bubba :angry: lol… but that was me (Inshallah i’ll be different this time round)

In regards to pain threshold and blood and all that… only time will tell. My sister, who I thought could not stand the slightest bit of pain, and would irritate me cus of it… had an exceptionally difficult labour… and you know what, she came out with flying colours. I was sooo impressed with her and the way she took the pain.

You really dont know what you’re capable of until you’re put into that situation.

Dont underestimate yourself :k:

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glad to hear abt ur sister! I hope the same!

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DD, and all others who are newly married. Here is my advice and lessons learnt from my own life.

Enjoy the couplehood time. It is short lived and hard to come by again once the kid(s) are here.

Be on the same page with each other, as in both wanting kids. I have come across a lot of couples where the wife wanted kids but husband did not and it showed up in his behavior or vice versa.

InshAllah when you both decide that you would like to welcome kids in your life, PRAY to Allah for a pregnancy, and women pls pls pls stay calm. Do not panic each month that you do not get a positive on the pregnancy test.

LOTS and lots of examples of women who have gotten pregnant when they were relaxed about getting pregnant.

Once you are pregnant, TAKE IT EASY. Although this is very very hard to do, most often when we are pregnant with our first we also have a lot of time on our hands and we read multiple sites, talk to a lot of ppl and get advice whether we asked for it or not and guess what it does , it makes us go mad thinking there is something wrong with us or the baby.

FOLLOW the CUES of your body. Feeling hungry, eat, feeling tired REST. Feeling lethargic get your iron levels tested. And satisfy the cravings you have but be careful of putting junk food in your body.

Remember Allah has made us to pro-create and our bodies know how to protect, develop and nurture a human being. Be careful but no need to go to extremes.

And I repeat, not only every woman is different, every pregnancy, every baby is different. And if Allah has blessed you with the gift of pregnancy then He will also give you the courage to get this baby out.

One final thing, pls do not put stress on yourself for wanting a certain gender. I know women who have had difficulty conceiving and when they conceived they brought on more stress on themselves because their khandaan (inlaws) preferred one gender over another. IGNORE these things, it is Allah who allows you to get pregnant and He is going to decide what gender child you will be blessed with. Pray for a happy, healthy baby and safe easy delivery for yourself.

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Thank you so much all those who replied. You all are helping the newbies get our minds on the right track.

For me, husband has no issues with anything. Its upto me when I want kids but of course he isn't up for having kids too late in the marriage. So basically it is up to me when ever I am prepared for it, and hearing about the pain & being a pain-freak that i am, it just back fires usually! Of course, it is a long way to go .. but I think starting now by then I will have developed my mind for it as well. I have hardly even ever had an injection or a drip, even a vaccination, once left me in pain so I am always reluctant for any tests or anything at all. Even when Aunt Flo visits, i end up taking a pain killer the very first day.

So to say, the reason I started this thread so early in marriage is to gradually develop my mind into wanting it myself on my own, knowing what is in store during the process.

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DD, when I was pregnant I attended birthing classes, talked to every woman possible about labor pain and guess what not one woman was able to explain it to me what kind of pain it is.

And today I am in the same boat, I can't believe I am doing this for the second time, I had completely forgotten what that pain was like and I know inshAllah when the second baby comes in a few days I will forget all the pains and aches of this pregnancy too.

I was such a choee moee about pain, and have my tonsils removed was like a major surgery for me but this pain I was ready to do it all over again when I saw my first born. :) Alhamdulillah....

InshAllah when you do get preggers just enjoy the pampering and the laad that hubby showers upon you ;)

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How can you be afraid of pain you know nothing of? how do you knwo you wont be able to handle it?

dont underestimate yourself. its not like getting a paper cut or having your blood drawn.

and once you know that the end result is a lil human that looks like you both.. u will do it again and again. :)

everyone else has given great advice.

all the best!

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Preparing your mind ..

I was a pain freak too..used to faint seeing blood or injury even to someone else..lol once I fainted while i was preparing for my med exam(was reading about peritonial dialysis) and even the description made my head spin cause I was in a habit of imagining it on me..reason cause i had never had an injury..so i knew nothing about the pain..
I had a difficult pregnancy and even more difficult labour but I enjoyed it seriously..proud of my body..proud of myself..post birth period is much more tough than preg or deliverg..
Buttttt when I held my baby for the first time(in the delivery room after 32hours of labour) I thought damn so many years ill have to wait to see my next one:hehe: so u see thats how beautiful this miracle(child birth) is..
Hubby is away but i dont care cause infront of me is a mixture of me and him:wub:

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very lovely and valuable posts by everyone. I hope daffy is relieved. I am helped, for sure.

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Daffy, I am scared of pain too. Believe me, if epidurals hadn't been invented, I wouldn't have even got married :)! Usually labor pains start off slow and then intensify. The slow part can usually be handled, epidurals (or gas before epidurals in the UK) can help with the intense part. The sleep part is a bit rough, but hey if "they" can do it, so can we!! Folic acid is needed pre conception, pre natal vitamins contain these. You can start these once you get to the UK, as I assume you don't intend to conceive right away. If you do, then start taking these in Pakistan. In the UK you can get pre natal vitamins over the counter very easily. Also, get your blood work done to see if you are low on iron or any thing .