Ok i couldn't read all posts. joined the party late. but seriously u r over-reacting. either its jealousy for ur dewarani or ur hormones kicking in. Old ppl believe in diff superstitious thoughts. u should hav taken the phone n said "Nahi Ammi ye sub aap logon ki duwain hain" Does Dewarani hav kids already?
yes, i know u didnt read all the posts cus if u wud have u wudnt have said i m jealous of my SIL. sadly, thats not the case. i guess u still dun understand the whole root of the prb. and yeah as i said in my post she was nikhafied only so no kids obv. thanks anywya
A woman gets pregnant, and she's thinking about another woman's comments. Some people are never happy.
i m so sorry u r unable to understand this prb, probably becus u didnt read the posts carefully. for ur KIND info, i m v happy thanku. its the ppl who ruin ur happiness with their rude comments and u came along and said another, rather than understandin th whole scenario. thanku n God bless.
You're pregnant mall! Congratulations!!!!! Im so excited for you!
As for this nasty business with the MIL...please dont think about her comment? Im not saying it was trivial...it was actually a very hurtful thing to say. Comparing your bahus and trying to make one feel bad about the other is simply wrong and a sign of jihalat...nothing less.
Please try to ignore it because you have your baby to think of now. If she persists with this weird train of thought all the time then smile and say things back:
"apki choti bahu ke qadam itne ache hein to mere usse bhi ache honge...mere aaney ke baad hi to ayeen hein vo"
Hi PS, u and RV, Rupay halwa are few of the sensible ppl who SEEM to get my point, besides the others also who have been equally supportive (hugs). thanks alot for ur post. have kept the last line in mind ;)
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
So you are feeling hurt because your MIL said this or you are really feeling hurt/jealous because your DAIWARANI was praised?
Get over it. Barhee/Boriaan aisee bateen kertee hee rehtee hain and when people are too happy or too said, they dont have a clue what they are talking about and as per YOUR own account, she realized that she has said something bad and tried to make it up.
Why do girls have dramafy everything?
My mom has said somethings my wife did not like, she used to become upset too (in early days) every sentence of my mom was being operated, discussed in detail (finding the motives you know) but my wife realized over time how it works specially when my MIL (and her mom) started saying same things for my brother in law's wife, only then my wife realized how it works with moms.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Congrats ur going to have a baby!!
Sorry to hear about ur MIL comments, which ARE really hurtful, she could have just said MA and be happy about it, i could imagine what other noke joke hoti hai.
But seriously some MIL/ SIL cant help but add some very rude/hurtful comments
just put in one ear and out the other, allah has blessed u wid a child, think abour your and your baby's health and progress, and dont stress yourself with her comments,but do state to ur hubby dat these comments hurt u deeply.
i myself have had hurtful comments said about me, but from my SIL and that too to my hubby over the phone ( i was sat next to him) i had just had a miscarriage (early) his family didnt ask hw i am or spoke to me and instead said ' I FOUND OUT u are far from islam thats why this happened' my husband replied saying ' allah does everything for a reason and u dont need to think or say these things' i was furious with her and upset how could say these things, instead of comforting me she said things like this, (she regulary comes out with silly/hurtful comments)
although allah has blessed me with 2 sons AH, naturally its upsetting when a MC happens, khair... back to u u just b happy that soon ur life will be filled with lots of happiness, may allah give u a healthy pregnancy and baby..AMEEN xXx
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
*I like how anyone that try's to show you the other side, that just maybe you're over reacting, you tell them that they didn't read the posts clearly! *
*Well I guess your only choice is to hold on to this comment from your MIL really tight, and don't ever get over it or move on!! *
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Mall! Time to stop obsessing over this.
You have every right to be upset, but since you're not planning to do anything to address the issue with the person who hurt you, you should move on. You know your situation best. If there's nothing that can be done, then ignore it and enjoy your pregnancy and hubby! You will regret all the time and energy you are wasting on this.
Also, though I disagree with the person who said 80% of MILs will do this sort of thing, I do want to remind you that there are much worse things that happen between MILs and DILs. Be thankful for what you have and work to preserve it.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
let me be a bit radical here.......
how would your MIL feel if you agreed with her?
what would she do if you said "Yes! Masha-Allah we are so lucky to be welcoming her into our family. We are all blessed by her presence!"
what the heck is wrong with that?
how does that take any respect away from you?
hamaray dil itnay chotay kyun hotay hain??????
last time I checked it was the person giving respect that receives it most........
yes, i know u didnt read all the posts cus if u wud have u wudnt have said i m jealous of my SIL. sadly, thats not the case. i guess u still dun understand the whole root of the prb. and yeah as i said in my post she was nikhafied only so no kids obv. thanks anywya
i hav read all posts now. Actually Mall in my eyes there's no prob. the prob is in ur pattern of thinking. old ppl say all sorts of things. these "qadam" sentence is not very uncommon in pak. learn to avoid negative comments. even if u say u r not jealous of ur dewrani ur posts show clear insecurity u r feeling from her addition to family n ur mil's affection towards her. Remember she's new so mil is feeling more excited abt her. once she becomes part of house mil will become more settled n find faults with her too.
also as for ur hubby i think he did a wise thing in agreeing with his mom. there was no point in arguing or ruining moods. i'm sure he never thought u were bad qadam or something but just agreed to keep things smooth.
i feel u r young n very emotional. try to control negative emotions n don't get mad at petty things. not good for ur or ur child's health.
One more thing Only YOU & ur Husband know that u were not trying to concieve for so long but ur family doesn't know abt it. So ur ils must b thinking"koi baat hai jo ab tak kuch nahi hova" its natural to think as such as they r unaware of ur private life.
Muzna i really liked ur point. yes sometimes agreeing politely is much more better for relation then answering back every time u diagreed with something.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Why does it matter what people think?
And yes....qadam/superstition/Islam and the whole MIL/DIL age old conflict etc, etc is just so much rubbish to get into for such a little thing.
We really need to be honest with ourselves when we reflect on our actions. If there is no jealousy in this situation then there would be no issues accepting the "choti bahu kay qaddam mubarak hain" because it wouldn't matter.
The history that exists about the tent catching fire would not even matter today if the comment had originally been dismissed as the ramblings of an elderly person lacking knowledge of our faith.
If we are better than the generations that precede us then how do we show it? By holding grudges about comments that we fully expect?
I am not saying that these words do not hurt us. They do.
What I am saying is that if we cannot rise above them then we have not learned anything from our elders. We have not progressed as a community or as a faith.
And yes....qadam/superstition/Islam and the whole MIL/DIL age old conflict etc, etc is just so much rubbish to get into for such a little thing.
We really need to be honest with ourselves when we reflect on our actions. If there is no jealousy in this situation then there would be no issues accepting the "choti bahu kay qaddam mubarak hain" because it wouldn't matter.
The history that exists about the tent catching fire would not even matter today if the comment had originally been dismissed as the ramblings of an elderly person lacking knowledge of our faith.
If we are better than the generations that precede us then how do we show it? By holding grudges about comments that we fully expect?
I am not saying that these words do not hurt us. They do.
What I am saying is that if we cannot rise above them then we have not learned anything from our elders. We have not progressed as a community or as a faith.
Shame on us.
Well said. I agree that this stuff can be extremely hurtful. But with some people, it's just how they are. It's wrong. It shouldn't happen. But it does. What happens next is up to us.
But…the next time your MIL brings up the “fire” and your “unlucky kadam”.
Just jokingly tell your MIL…**"**Ammi, the fire took place in YOUR home…that YOU live in…that YOU bought. Gosh Ammi, YOU have such unlucky kadam. I’m such a LUCKY BAHU that I didn’t get burned by the fire in your unlucky home. Tut tut tut…hai hai hai…chi chi chi…is this some way to for a hostess to welcome a new guest in her home?"
Just turn the situation around on her, LOL. Give her the guilt trip.
Or here’s another idea: Make your MIL feel inadequate by telling her “It’s routine procedure for people to take precautions to make sure that their homes don’t catch fire. Every responsible parent does that. Actually every responsible HOSTESS takes precautions to ensure safety of GUESTS.”
Who knows? She probably feels embarrassed by the fire taking place during the wedding and wants someone to blame so that she herself doesn’t look bad as a hostess.
It’s all in good humor, Mall. I was just kidding about the above strategies. Your kadams are miles away from her on the other side of the world…can’t get any luckier than that Be grateful!
ok guys so ive realised ive been really emotional abt this and maybe over reacted a lil bit too. amazingly, the other bahu and i are v similar in personality and tastes and she herself once told me she told my BIL that she dusnt like being compared with someone. on a one to one basis, i m fine with her. i guess its only when ppl compare that i get a bit insecure u know. the reason of my postin my prb here was cus i wanted to have different prespectives on this so i cud better understand myself and move on. thankfully, u all in ur own way, have helped me. some of the posts here have been quite rude and blunt, (some untrue accusations too!!) but i guess they were equally imp in bringin me to a comclusion.
and RV, i had fainted when i read ur jokes. for a moment i was like OMG this is such a freakin bad, horrible, meannnnnnnnn thing to say and that to MIL faint. i wud die than say those sentences. Thank God it was a joke :D
Be grateful!