Ok so I am 12 weeks pregnant MA (PCOS patient). I just got to know I am pregnant last week. didnt get the any major symptoms or nything. now the thing that is really disturbing me is this: my husband and BIL (who just got nikahfied in april) decided to call my in laws and give thm the gud news( iwas beside them). everybody was happy and clappin and MIl is sayin I was hopin X(my BIL) ki shadi se pehle yeh gud news ajaye. my FIL said the same thing. all this while my hubs is talkin n everyone is happy and all, my MIL said the most hurtful and mean thing. she said “dekho Y (BIL’s wife) ke kadam itne ache rahe”. i just FROZE that time. that was such a mean and pathetic thing to say to one bahu. she is sayin the other bahu’s “kadam” were auspicious!!! we have been married almost 4 yrs and we didnt try until the last 1 1/2 and honestly this comment really hurt me ALOT and its affecting me BIG TIME!!!
i felt really bad that she said that to my husband.. not getin satisfied with THAT, she repeated the same thing to my BIL who said Y ke kadam kahay ya porani duahein ab pori howi… maybe he sensed or himself felt the comment was inappriopriate so he said that. but whatever it is, i hated it. on top of that my husband said when MIL was sayin this to him " jee… jee kadam se bhi hota hia" he accepted it rather than shutting up!! i m sooo f===kin pissed.
i think its insitagtin my hubs against me as when i got married to my hubs, in his mayoon the tent got fire.. and somehow she thinks i was bad kadam or somethin.. maybe thaz y she said this. also i forgot to say when they were given gud news, no one asked abt me. no one said where is she, how is she, nothing!! the bil kept sayin bhabi se toh bat karwaye. am i wrong in feelin so so negative???
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
So she is implying that good fortune was brought on your family because of Y? This is how you got pregnant and everything? That's backward thinking and mentality. I aint liking it.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Lady please be very happy and very very thank full to AlMighty Allah , He has blessed you with some thing very big.
Be cheerfull , take light all the comments .
We pray for your Healthy , Beautifull baby.
*Edited for you, *
Let me , be with my perceptions
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Yes it was mean, but what are you gonna do about it??
fight her?? Yell at her?? smack her across the face???
I hope the answer to all of these is no! My point is if your hubby and you are happy about the baby coming, don't let the mil get in the way. Enjoy these moments. Let her say whatever she wants but at the same time let her know you can careless, and that your hubby is on YOUR side.
*p.s i would have smacked my hubby if he had just agreed like that with his mom, let him know that it bothers you, so he needs to start taking charge. *
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
entisar.. i appreciate ur reply albeit a bit rude. i am thankful and all but the comment was inappropriate becus it is comparing one bahu with annother. and if u read my full post carefully, u will see she meant that i became pregnant becus of that female.. which is not true.. how cud one choti bahu have influenced on another.. it is mean. and i m sorry the comment was not trivial. i guess u dunno the background that is why ur response was a bit insensitive to me. my MIL has been givin special attention to this female since she came.. i cud go on and on but i will b exhausted after givin u 100 examples of her indifference towards me.
thanks Aisha for ur support. i feel the same way.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Entisar let me just add something, it is not like she is not happy that she has gotten pregnant, it is just that someone has ruined her moment for her. DO YOU KNOW what that means? When you are really happy and someone ruins it for you? I think this is what happened here.
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thanks Aisha for ur support. i feel the same way.
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you are welcome.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Gaia my hubs is the type who NEVER argues with his mom or dad. he mite give his opinion but subtly. he is such that he considers disrespect to negate parents comments so he always says yes to everythin she says.i didnt expect him to argue that no mom its not becus of Y, but i did expect him to keep quiet or say Jee only. but he went on to say han aisa hota hia.. which is not rite considerin she is sayin it abt the other bahu and not his wife. plus he never understands that she says these things to put fire. wot did my pregnancy have to do with that female anyway? do i hv to go and tell my MIL that we only strted tryin naturally sum months back and that since 1 yr we were on meds? God made it happen naturally. its so pathetic.. to give explanations to her cus i know she will forever take the new bahu's side.
Entisar let me just add something, it is not like she is not happy that she has gotten pregnant, it is just that someone has ruined her moment for her. DO YOU KNOW what that means? When you are really happy and someone ruins it for you? I think this is what happened here.
you are welcome.
thx dear. some ppl never understand. i find this extremely rude to be compared with other bahu in the family.. its like i was a bad omen on the family becus of the fire in the house... fine, so maybe i was and am a bad omen in her son's life but makin me feel so miserable by comparing was not necessary at all. i cant even begin to explain just how badly hurt i m by her comments. Allah knows how it hurt my soul.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Mall ....Before reading the thread content, i really thought some ugly story in my mind(because that was what your title suggested)...
See what your MIL said was wrong...no doubt about it but you do not have to kill her for that...try to understand that if a person is making such comment then you being an educated person should realize his/her understanding(samaj ka) level and react according to that. Allah Ta'ala has blessed you with this naimat, be thankful to him rather than thinking negative about your mother in law.
Personally, if my MIL had said something like that to me then i would have just ignored the comment because a person with a very limited understanding can say such thing so there is no need to absorb so much negativitiy in this period. Try to relax and pray for yourself n your child.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
and entisar, i think u r a male... cus a female wud never say this was a trivial thing cus she wud feel it on herself before she say it was trivial.
Mall ....Before reading the thread content, i really thought some ugly story in my mind(because that was what your title suggested)...
See what your MIL said was wrong...no doubt about it but you do not have to kill her for that...try to understand that if a person is making such comment then you being an educated person should realize his/her understanding(samaj ka) level and react according to that. Allah Ta'ala has blessed you with this naimat, be thankful to him rather than thinking negative about your mother in law.
Personally, if my MIL had said something like that to me then i would have just ignored the comment because a person with a very limited understanding can say such thing so there is no need to absorb so much negativitiy in this period. Try to relax and pray for yourself n your child.
thx falafel. i felt a bit better after readin ur comments. u r rite. ppl have been tellin me just let her talk.. but me being the sensitive (over) that i m, i cant get this out of my mind. ill try to think +ve. thanks alot.
thx dear. some ppl never understand. i find this extremely rude to be compared with other bahu in the family.. its like i was a bad omen on the family becus of the fire in the house... fine, so maybe i was and am a bad omen in her son's life but makin me feel so miserable by comparing was not necessary at all. i cant even begin to explain just how badly hurt i m by her comments. Allah knows how it hurt my soul.
Comparing one bahu with another especially if the one being compared is the elder bahu is really degrading and it is hurting for the person being compared. The person comes in to a complex for no reason and it causes all sorts of tensions in the family. These kinds of things should be avoided. Oh and by the way, you should not think that the tent caught fire because of you, it was to happen and it did.
thx falafel. i felt a bit better after readin ur comments. u r rite. ppl have been tellin me just let her talk.. but me being the sensitive (over) that i m, i cant get this out of my mind. ill try to think +ve. thanks alot.
no problem mall, see the point is there are so many negative people around us who we don't have control over but we do have control over our own selves. The best we can do is not to get influenced by the negativity that these people spread and not become the cause of spreading such negativity.
All the best:)
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Very nice advice!:k:
and entisar,** i think u r a male**... cus a female wud never say this was a trivial thing cus she wud feel it on herself before she say it was trivial.
You are right here I am male , I reiterate my sayings above , it is trival although feeling myself rude , yes y ?
My brother elder than me was very desperate for kids , for his wife get pregnant soon and they have kids soon, but God wills were different to their desire , they were in this condition for same perid as yours about 5 years.
I have seen my Bhabi and Brother how they were feeling those days.
After that long and with a strong desire I would deem every thing trival Plus , I would say to you "You MIL behaved very rude to you , she should have celebrated it , that see we have two joys together , for the new Bahu the most awaited new baby"
But I would not say it , because I think I would be "Zukhmo pur namak pashee" , instead I should recall you the BIG Blessing of getting pregnant.
@Aisha jee , you are right and you can better understand a female concern than me for you being female , but as i said it would be "Zukhmo pur namak pashee".
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
First of all I am sorry but it is really hard understanding that. What is zakhmo par namak pashee? It is not just about being female, it is about logical thinking.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Mall,
That was very hurtful of her and I'm sorry she was so inconsiderate (she may not even really have realized what she was saying or that it would be mean). I think do your best to ignore these kinds of comments. Concentrate on that amazing life that is growing with you and growing your family with your hubby. People will continue to make silly and hurtful comments (especially to those of us who have had issues conceiving -- and they often don't realize how hurtful that may be!). Try not to let it affect you too much. Vent and then move on.
I'm so excited for you!
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
honestly entisar u r just not gettin the picture. first of all although i m v blessed to have the baby MA... u didnt read my post carefully. we VOLUNTARILY didnt try for a baby for 3 years almost. we tried for 1 yr with meds and then naturally for 4-5 months durin which i conceived AH. ur post was v confusing. u still seem to think i m wrong to think this way by sayin u wud have said that the new bahu has a new joy in her life. HELLO. i m the eldest bahu and she is the younger one. they are comparin me with her... and its true this statement of urs that the new bahu has the new awaited baby is rude. i m not the new bahu, she is.
u keep on givin me exaples of couples who didnt get preg but dear as i said i cannot relate to them cus i didnt face this prb. AH i conceived naturaly at the rite time so i m afraid i m not in the same boat as ur bhai bhabi.
and as aisha said its abt logical thinkin, not even abt male or female. u seem to not get the picture at all. anyway thanks for ur replies... let me wait for other ppl's post now.
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
Hey Mall,
Firstly, congratulations on the good news, you must be delighted Mall, I just became a father to a baby girl this month!! Mall you know, there is no resolution to these confrontations with MIL's, you simply need to take it in one ear and out the other. I believe u r fortunate enough to not be living with the in-laws, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. You are 6 months away from having a small family of your own, look forward to that date and imbed in yourself that nothing else matters apart from your husband and little baby. Pregnancy is not easy so do not take on extra stress, your emotions will fluctuate immensely over the next few months, so relax your mind of all troubles and enjoy pregnancy and all that's to follow. Inshallah all will be ok Hun!!
Re: Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out ang
OK don't jump on me for saying it but could it be you're jealous on the new bahu for your MIL gave her a lot of attention first place? So that moment you felt put down for you've been married far longer into that family than her?
Look I understand it was upsetting but don't make it become a serious problem, plus most husbands would NEVER speak out against their own mothers especially at such a situation it could have caused a lot of trouble, way more trouble for you, maybe your MIL would have condemned you for being a mal-influence to her son you know?