Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
Its a matter of whole life…pleasentries not gonna hold up when the **** hits the fan…better safe than sorry…
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
These are pretty standard questions, no need to worry that she or her family will get upset. Im sure she would like to get to know you better as well & find out about your views on marriage. Aakhir zindagi bhar ka sawaal hai.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
If for example, he asks her verbally and in confusion of some sort she makes some more off the cuff remarks which puts this guy off even more, it will not serve its purpose. Do you think putting written questions to her and requesting written answers from her would be better so there are no off the cuff remarks? And then base his final decision on those replies.
Also the thing is, that the guy’s family and the girl’s family like each other on so many levels and want to give this rishta every chance of being successful if that’s best for both. It’s so hard to find right person these days, we just don’t want to lose them due to some misunderstanding.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
Have the two been able to chat by themselves without any other family involvement?
If she makes any such uncomfortable remarks, could he just ask her politely right away and say something like “what do you mean by xyz?” That would be the quickest way to get his answers. If he feels that her specific responses make him uncomfortable, he can say “that makes me a bit uncomfortable and I see it abc way”
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
off the cuff remarks is what the guy wants to clear up…reality/truth might be inconvenient but it has its benefit…
Nope..not written…that can be rehearsed/worked upon. Direct discussion, like, casual chitchat..not like interrogation…
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
Getting a divorce is wayyyyy easier said than done. It takes a buildup of many issues for one to take such a bold step.
I think the guy and girl need to talk one on one. He needs to alleviate her fears and she needs to realize he’s not about to make her into a maasi.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
No body becomes a “maasi” or “naukar” by doing their own home’s work. People have their own lifestyles and ways of contribution. Different people show their love differently and want to be loved differently. As long as they are upfront about it before marriage, it’s fine by me. There are lots of non-Muslim married couples in US that are also quite traditional.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
So then why is it frowned upon if a man does dishes in traditional families if doing house work is a great thing?
The issue here is going to be…she will work but that will not be enough of a contribution. He will work but that will be enough. She will resent him because she will stretch herself thin and he will resent her because he will tire of hearing her complain. Her work will never stop and his will as soon as it hits 5 o’clock. You want to be **happily **married in America? You have to work for it.
There is no love here yet…this is an arranged marriage.
And non-Muslim **healthy **marriages are usually based on appreciation and partnership.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
So how did you show your love? There are people who are beating the crap out of their wife and children and mentally and emotionally abusing them and saying that they just love in a different way LMAO!!! people who don’t believe in gender equality are not aligned with the values of our society and will never thrive here. In many homes the wife is a 24/7 maid who gets paid nothing, gets emotionally abused and has to have sex with the keeper and thank him for the opportunity to get exploited and abused. Ahhh!!! and children btw you dont ever mention them. So in traditional families who takes care of them?
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
I’m not talking about exploiting anyone. I’m just saying that different people have different lifestyles and it is their right. In a formal rishta process both sides do declare their preferences. Sometimes there is a match, sometimes there isn’t. Those who frown upon something, that is their right, and they are also entitled to have their views. For example, some people may think goalkeeper is lesser than striker in a team, they can hold that view. I think both play their own roles as decided at the time of team selection and can step in for one another as need arises. Everyone can live their life the way they deem fit as long as the involved parties have agreed to it in advance. I’m not exactly some social justice warrior and not interested in debates that have been going on since forever and will continue forever.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
also try to figure out her relationship with her parents. She must have positive relationship with both especially dad.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
just beware of papa ki princess…those are the worst..
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
^ every girl is papa ki princess
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
Indeed. Ability to maintain sound and long lasting relations would be a plus in my eyes.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
You asked about divorce in today’s society. How to identify the signs in a woman if she the type to end a marriage. People can get married with this mindset but they will not *stay *married. Why? Because your approach does not take into consideration the WHY’s of anyone filing for divorce. Yes, they matter. It frees your friend from any responsibility he has of making his marriage work and therefore putting the entire burden on the woman. Yeah, this will ultimately lead to a breakup.
I understand your concerns with this specific rishta but if you are looking for someone who will not ask for a divorce, its best not to focus on women in America. Reason being, even the most uneducated women here have access to legal help and can easily file for divorce. I didn’t even need to hire a lawyer for mine and I am not in the legal field.
Scenario: educated, working girl, holding a professional job with potential, earning about 65K living in Chicago (my hometown for example), near family, raised in US and has friends she grew up with. Marries a guy who then asks her to pull back from her parents, focus on his parents, stop her career, cook, do all of the housework and then is constantly searching for clues in her actions so he can say AHA! I knew you’d ask for divorce!
See, that isn’t going to work. Why? Because it doesn’t have to. This girl can stay with her parents for a bit, get her job back, move out, rent an apartment, start socializing again and eventually get married again. Same will happen for the guy. No one dies from getting divorced. But it could have been avoided if dude kept his ego in check and made his parents chai now and then.
Your friend needs to talk more with this girl one on one.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
It’s not about control or manipulation or eliminating the chance of divorce, rather eliminating the Angelina Jolies from consideration for marriage so they can be someone else’s problem.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
How do we know your friend isn’t the problem? How do we know he is not looking for a meek girl to exploit and use so he doesn’t have to serve his own parents? How do we know he has the right intentions? How does the other side know all of this? How does one marry off their daughter to people like this who do not want to take any ownership?
I don’t think you’re understanding what I am saying. No one gets married wanting to divorce. If you could travel back in time and meet people who have been divorced, you’d wonder what the hell happened. Because they don’t come branded with the Big D. They’re perfectly normal and capable people. As I said before, its the combination that is wrong…not the individuals.
Your friend should not pursue marriage if he is not willing to compromise or take ownership of his relationship. That is how you avoid a divorce.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
I understand what you are saying. You are bringing in lots of other factors into the debate but I want to focus on only one in this thread, the one which you don’t even acknowledge is a factor in at least some divorces. For example, consider Angelina Jolie. She has those qualities which are big red flags posted here:
1- Volcanic temper.
2- Bad relationship with father.
3- No longtime female friends.
4- Split personality (one in public, quite another in private)
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
You are a bad boy.
Go home and write 50 Times and bring it tomorrow in class.
Divorced people are normal people.
Divorce is mans fault.
Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
If you feel they are red flags then you guys need to move on. A girl who wants to work and care for her parents needs a man who has a very strong moral compass. This is not the right family for you nor are you for them.
Personally, I don’t think wanting to care for one’s parents are red flags. I don’t think being attached to the people who birthed you, raised you and loved you since you were born are red flags. Who else will you ever be loyal to if not your own mother and father? How can a woman be a good wife if she can’t feel for her parents? Why would she ever care for her in-laws if she doesn’t care about her own parents? I felt this way when I got married…I didn’t sleep for almost a month knowing my parents were sleeping in an empty home and I wasn’t there. This same trait is admired in a man. But not in a woman because our Hindu ancestors have taught us that girls are to be wed off.
Divorces are never initiated because she didn’t like the color of the guy’s tie and freaked out because she’s got a split personality disorder and today she is having issues with the color orange.
Take it from someone who’s been there and has been a part of many support groups that worked with women who had been through it. Its always a slow but steadily building pile of issues that have constantly been ignored and neglected that eventually lead to someone needing to leave.
Your approach is naive because you’re trying to draw very big conclusions from circumstantial evidence.
And to be clear, I am not saying this rishta is right for you…I am saying your approach will not land you with a winner. That’s all.
You and I see eye to eye on nothing. Not only am I okay with that but I am quite certain it is a positive thing. You are more than welcome to ignore my posts as its a given you are only here to bait.