Re: Pre-Marital Relationships
Yes, it’s a sin but probably 99% of Pakistanis are disobeying God when they choose to live in joint families, deal with credit (the absolute** worst** sin of all is riba, isn’t it?), follow the caste system and so on..
Again it seems to be ‘their sins are worse than mine.. just because I’m not doing it’
Not aimed at you but generally speaking people need to look at themselves and THEIR own sins instead of pretending what others are doing is so much worse..
But is his being honest about pre marital relations and being upfront in sharing all the info about it, should be a deciding factor above all? What if, god forbid, op also had some past secrets ( relations or whatever its called) and she tells him exactly what he said , will he be appreciative of her honesty, fore bearing and understanding enough ?
Re: Pre-Marital Relationships
and then they say to the girl " you are not required to disclose your past sins to the husband ISLAMICALLY".........
yet .......a guy doing this very same thing would be classified as a ''pathological liar/serial cheater/womanizer''....
i love this place :D
^no, thats exactly I said earlier, no need to disclose his past sins.
Pre-Marital Relationships
I think the ops potential spouse's honesty is less about what he should or shouldn't do based on islams expectations. I think his intention is more about simply being old fashioned honest. Sheesh people.
Op, if there are things are on your chest then talking to your potential spouse about them is the best way to clear the air. He wasn't afraid to hold back even though it must of been difficult so if you are afraid then your not being honest with yourself or with him by speaking your mind. If your afraid he'll make some kind of advancement that your not comfortable with, talk to him about it or wait for an opportunity to talk about it. You don't have to be blunt and be afraid to scare someone away. ease into these conversations so not only you can get things off your chest but also so your not putting up a wall in front of him (uninviting for honesty) while still having your guard up. Know what i mean? Ask him what he expects from this and how he would proceed if things were to become serious? What kind of relationship your comfy with and hes comfy with before marriage. And I'm not sure of how restricted or not his previous relationships even were but doesn't the relationship you have with him now count as a relationship?
My husband had relationships before he married me and in fact he was even trying to marry one of these girls but it didn't work out for many many reasons. He's an amazing husband to me still, lives his life with amazing values whether they are Islamically based or generally based on good morals doesn't matter to me as long as he is a good human being. The rest falls into place IMO when someone has a good heart. But that's me and my opinion, only you know what makes you feel better inside. But definitely talk to him, be as open as he was with you and I'm sure he'll atleast listen to you like you did for him. Whether or not he respects you for it and continues what you have or it's a deal breaker for him only time will tell but don't beat yourself up and also don't assume anything, just communicate.
Re: Pre-Marital Relationships
its your life, you are going to deal with it. its really depends how much you are practicing muslim.
yes it a sin in islam. nobody can deny this.yes he could be a nice guy who knows. may be you can talk to him and get to know him better.
good luck:)
lol to all these liberal comments. lol why you guys want to justify a sin. just saying:confused:
Re: Pre-Marital Relationships
^Agree word by word buddy!.
No one can justify anyone’s sin because we are no one to judge anyone. That’s up to god. Plus we don’t even know what this guy did its all on assumption..
^ Exactly what the poster said above!
Pre-Marital Relationships
I just want to point out something, at the end of the day everyone will be imperfect, highlighting which sin is less or more important in your view doesn't change what is wrong nor what is right. Now the way I approach it is, what sin/imperfection from my partner am I willing to tolerate? For some they can tolerate a past , others cant bear the thought. That's the crux of the issue, yes he's imperfect, can you deal with it justly?
By justly I mean as a life partner you're meant to complement each other and help each other grow spiritually and generally as a person. Despite one's particular fault, can you deal with a certain shortcoming?
Re: Pre-Marital Relationships
The OP can have an Islamic household if the potential spouse has indeed asked for forgiveness.
^This! this makes ALL the difference. The OP has yet to clarify the dude's stance on his past actions.
Re: Pre-Marital Relationships
Hi Guys
Sorry for late reply. I have been unable to log on for some reason.
I am still talking to this guy.
Basically, he has had past relationships. He wouldn't care if I had them neither as he doesn't believe in judging me and think that I would learn from them and it probably make me realise what I want, my bad and good points etc. He doesn't mind marrying someone who is divorced and with children, as he believe they are people with feelings too.
He has been completely honest with me but without going into too much detail as he respects me and respects my innocense.
He is very liberal, but I think I need to get to know him abit better. I still don't know him well enough. His past relationships don't bother me as I have friends who have married males, with pasts and are happily married.
Its just whether he wants to continue being liberal in all aspects or wants a islamic household too. I think you can be liberal but have your morals and follow the 5 pillars and become better muslims. I just don't know how he feels about that.
I just have to wait and see how it goes. I am not that into it to be honest at the moment.
Re: Pre-Marital Relationships
PS He was cheated on. He has never cheated (from what he has told me).
Re: Pre-Marital Relationships
^ Ok fair enough, then as you say, you still need time to sort out whether he wants a Islamic household as you do. And make sure you are very clear with him about that - basically lay your cards on the table. If he agrees great, if not, don't assume you can change him, it will take a lot of work from both parties (in terms of establishing a Islamic household).
Re: Pre-Marital Relationships
[quote="“Beeb, post:2, topic:291934"”]
The boring guys who say they are still virgins are most likely lying.
Hope that helps and I know I come across as sarcastic at times but it’s true. So you can pick between a nice honest guy or boring liars.
[/quote]
[quote="“MissMalik, post:20, topic:291646"”]
A guy who did not have any girlfried n is virgin is a big Lie … seriously his past shouldnt bother you…having a gf or physical relations before marriage doesnt mean he is not a gud guy or he will continue doing that after marriage… jus talk to him. Ask him what he thinks abt life after marriage n let him compare single life n marriagelife etc… if u r ok after talking to him then give him a chance
[/quote]
[quote="“MissMalik, post:11, topic:291785"”]
Lol. Clueless.