Re: Practicalities of Love
This is an interesting and good topic.
To me aswell, both sides of the argument here hold. I agree that many of the both types of marriage; 'love' and 'arranged' are succesful and also that many of them are unsuccesful.
I have seen people go to great lengths and sacrifices to furfil thier commitments to thier loved one and also people who get that notorious and convinient 'reality check' at a point when the 'endophins and mushyness' wears down, seeing that them and thier spouse are uncompatible or unsuitable for one another and thus begin to dissolve the relation.
Whether or not an 'arranged' or 'love' relation will last depends on a number of factors. Assuming that a spouse has not purposly commited the act that created the difficulty in thier relation, the personality of the partner concerned is the prime feature in determining how they will react to the change in circumstances.
Lets for example assume that the girl has an accident and is injured or temporarily paralysed from some part of her body. Now in this sense, this would be a test for the guy and practically yes it is a burden for him. However, if he is a **grateful **person, he would remember the things his spouse has done and sacrificed for him and what she would have done if had the roles been reversed. Then there are the other personality factors such as honesty, loyalty, attachment/love, that come into play.
The secondary factors that determine his level of commitment would be external ones such as;
- Influence from family/parents
- His level of intellect ( This is to determine how much he will allow others to influence him)
- Degree of closness of the two families (i.e if it is a cousin or relative marriage then thier is likely to be a stronger bond and support system between the two families)
- His religious level and character (character to do with whether he has regard for general principles, morality and respect issues)
- The strength of the relationship- marital relationships tend to be stronger than fiance/girlfriend-boyfriend relationships and so more loyalty could be expected.
- Whether or not the couple has children - if there are children, they will bear a great weight on thier spouse to help and treat/maintain the loved parent who is inflicted.
..and the list is not exhaustive
Therefore many factors come into play.
Additionally, but on a personal level - if I am unable to make choice or assesment or on a situation; i refer back to learn on what Islam has said on the topic, and very often I find that Islam has already foretold a very appropriate and/or insightful solution.
For example; Islam states that marriages should be based on compatibility and that love develops after marriage.
Nabi Pak, also stated that the prime things to look for in a husband is good character and good deen. (Please note that 'character' is a wider concept than that of sombody having or not had an ex).
Another thing is that; whether people marry for love or more, very often the very resulting practicalities in life that each partner helped each another in, increase the **need **of partners for each other. To elaborate, if there has been a healthy and good relationship between a couple for some time, where two people not only love each other but also through time have developed a greater understanding for each other- a need has developed for that partner which is harder to detach oneself from and one that somebody else would not be able to fulfil instantly.
So in essence, my point is that, there is a greater chance of future commitment if prior commitment and understanding has been at a high and good level.
Also, I would reiterate that the stronger the bond, for example a marriage bond compared to a bf-gf type of bond, the more likely is there to be future commitment on a change in circumtance.
In summary i would say that no matter how much prior investigation or knowledge one has gained about a potential and his family, nothing is guranteed and that everybody has to take the chance at some point.
I hope this post goes some way in addresing the topic.
