Well girl A has always been interesting to me since she speaks the language that I speak. So it's easier to converse with her. Easier to share ideas with her. But she being a western girl, open minded is a bit snobbish. She is extremely ambitious, to the point that it's as if there is nothing more important to her than the relentless pursuit of substance. I feel as if after marriage she'll continue this ambitious aura of hers and perhaps my love may not mean much to her. However, I cannot blame her for this fancy of hers. She's a human being and as such has expectations from this world. Sometimes we talk and I feel as if all she has to talk about is "My masters degree this, my future PHD that, my business this, my goals that". I understand education is a huge part of life but we sort of never ever talk about ourselves. At this point I want to make a correction. The Girl A the western girl. I've actually known her for more than couple of weeks. I dont know why i wrote 2 weeks. More like couple of months.
Now the desi girl, is very interesting. She speaks her mind, talks about our future and has never once mentioned anything which would state that we would be more important than anything to her after shaadi. She has her goals as well, she's studying and going for her masters. But she's never rubbed it in my face about it. I think in her mind, her shaadi life is of the utmost value to her. Which is admirable. However it is difficult to speak with her because she ALWAYS types in urdu. It's such an effort to read it as i'm not very good with it. Somtimes she'll use these Mirza ghalib words which I'd have to google before I can concoct a reply. And I can never ever express myself fully to her. Because I dont really know what and how to say it in urdu. Girl A the western girl, we laugh and joke because we have a common sense of humor. With desi girl I've probably laughed twice and that too forcibly. I AM SO CONFUSED!!!!!
Lol. Seems like a problem I have, except with guys.
I agree with most people in this thread. Both girls don't seem to be the one for you. Don't pressurize yourself into choosing the wrong one because you feel like you HAVE to decide right now. Why do you feel like you have to pick one of them?
Re earlier post you got touchy about... Kind of proving the point again. You don't really like Girl A but are attracted to her beauty (and now sense of humor). Yet you lead Girl B on, because she has the ideal homemaker qualities. Honestly if it's been this long that you've been talking to her, even her family probably thinks you guys are unofficially a done deal. People don't just talk/date for this long through the rishta process. If it's happening, they expect it to lead something. You should at least cut it off with one of them asap. Probably Girl B. Girl A is more western. Girl B and family are probably starting to turn away rishtas from others. You could be jeopardizing her future. Also why I said in my post that I, or any other girl in her place, would be really pissed. I'm not saying you're a bad guy, but you've led her on, and need to clearly communicate with her. I mean, she WAS your primary choice before Girl A came into the picture. You owe her a a decent explanation and can't keep talking to her. Even if for any reason you picked her, you'd keep remembering your time with Girl A, and that's not going to be good for anyone.
I’m born and raised in the West, am as independent and outgoing as they come, make my own money, run my own business while raising the kids, I wear Uggs and am at Starbucks 6 days a week, and was raised by a divorced single mother…yet I don’t call my husband by his name, I have his chai and brekkie waiting before he’s even out of the shower and cook authentic Hyderbadi khaana 7 days a week.
Your preconceived notions, stereotypes and expectations are going to be your downfall. Stop categorizing these girls like they are cattle.
Also, a word of advice…Strawberries and Avacados should not be used as
your marriage litmus test
Your preconceived notions, stereotypes and expectations are going to be your downfall. Stop categorizing these girls like they are cattle.
It is rishta process afterall - not the 'dating' where you live with a person and then you know their real self. All you have is pre-conceived notions to go by. What else is someone supposed to do , if not that?
Girl B or choose someone else besides these 2 girls..
when it comes down to it, if you really do like the homely desi types more (regardless of your connection with the more western girl).. in the end, you will keep wishing more and more that Girl A can make that epic biryani or want more desiness in her etc.. the "desi" part that's a bit missing, at least that I've seen over and over with my own friends always trumps the western one any day... I am not against Girl A at all, but if it's a toss, then Girl B would be the better fit as what I see..
think of it this way, if Girl A was out of the picture and you were only brought forth the desi chick, would you have said yes?
what about, if Girl B was out of the picture and you were only brought forth the westernized chick, would you have said yes?
It is rishta process afterall - not the 'dating' where you live with a person and then you know their real self. All you have is pre-conceived notions to go by. What else is someone supposed to do , if not that?
Change your preconceived notions? Expand your mind?
I mean.... strawberries and avocado = too western?
I love those AND I love desi food...so...again...wtf?
Girl B or choose someone else besides these 2 girls..
when it comes down to it, if you really do like the homely desi types more (regardless of your connection with the more western girl).. in the end, you will keep wishing more and more that Girl A can make that epic biryani or want more desiness in her etc.. the "desi" part that's a bit missing, at least that I've seen over and over with my own friends always trumps the western one any day... I am not against Girl A at all, but if it's a toss, then Girl B would be the better fit as what I see..
*think of it this way, if Girl A was out of the picture and you were only brought forth the desi chick, would you have said yes?
*
what about, if Girl B was out of the picture and you were only brought forth the westernized chick, would you have said yes?
If he wanted he would have said yes to that desi girl by now but that desi girl is his second option & he is dragging her along, until he finds the right one to ditch her.
He is wasting her time, kinda playing with her feeling & emotions too just because he is "confused".
What I am wondering is, you guys didn't talk about your relationship status in that 1 year? She must have asked where its going? Or you must have gave her some hints hence she is planning her wedding day with you as girls dont just start planning their weddings with every random stranger out there.
I find it odd that a girl who is so traditionally desi and who was introduced to OP through his parents have been talking to him for 1 YEAR without her parents wondering/pushing for a baat pakki.
Also - one last thing I'd like to add is................
Marriage is a lifelong, ever-changing and crazy thing that doesn't just stop once you say I Do.
You, your wife and your life will change and keep changing once you get married. Your idea as to what married life will be is not how it actually will be and the sooner you get that the happier you'll be.
I don't think you know what you want. This is probably not a good time for you to get married as it requires A LOT of compromise on BOTH parties. If you think the woman will be the only one doing it...you're wrong. Not because I am a feminist or anything...but reality is that after marriage...both parties have to change and adapt to each other. Whether they choose to or not. Whether they like it or not. It just happens and there is no stopping it. But if you're not open or ready for these changes...you're probably going to end up going kaput in the first couple of years.
What you're doing is trying to piece together some dream you had into reality. That won't be happening.
Look for a nice girl, a compatible girl and someone who can understand you. Someone you can laugh with. Cooking, cleaning and taking care of the mundane household tasks is not a big deal. If you live in the West and you get a working wife, you'll be helping out no matter what anyway. Again, reality versus dream. You may think not...but you will.
You seem too immature to be getting married. Especially if you're actually comparing super beautiful vs. everything else you apparently want for a decision that will impact the rest of your life. If I was either one of those girls, I would not want to marry you, and would be royally pissed in the case if Girl B, that my time had been wasted by an indecisive and shallow man.
FYI, being "desi" does not mean one is backwards. I watch Game of Thrones and desi dramas. Depending on who I'm with, I can be categorized as very desi or very western. It's all about perspective.
Those are the awesomest who can switch gears on demand, we are like that totally and I luv my life. I totally agree with you that OP needs to grow up, If he needs to ask strangers on the net who to marry.
I ask help online since ALL the women do it in Life forum, but when a man does it he's labeled immature. You guys are incredibly offensive. No where have I said that eating avocados is a bad thing or a prime example of being western. It was an example to distinguish two women. Certainly no one in Pakistan eat avocados that to on a daily basis. Get it? Now I'm sure all the avocados supporting avacadanists will be after me.
The examples I gave is to shed light on the difference the two women have. I'm not stereotyping.
It is rishta process afterall - not the 'dating' where you live with a person and then you know their real self. All you have is pre-conceived notions to go by. What else is someone supposed to do , if not that?
You marry someone you cannot be without. And its usually just one person.
And thats not your case. You can easily find someone else and be with them, you will probably find someone you actually dont want to be without.
You wont need two girls at the same time anymore, playya ;)
I ask help online since ALL the women do it in Life forum, but when a man does it he's labeled immature. You guys are incredibly offensive. No where have I said that eating avocados is a bad thing or a prime example of being western. It was an example to distinguish two women. Certainly no one in Pakistan eat avocados that to on a daily basis. Get it? Now I'm sure all the avocados supporting avacadanists will be after me.
The examples I gave is to shed light on the difference the two women have. I'm not stereotyping.
LOL. This sums up all of GS relationship threads.
Now I can’t even undislike it. Omgggg