Post Natal or just being rude?

[S02]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

I’m sorry to hear that. Has your brother been keeping in touch?

[zainykhan]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

Yep, brother has here and there.. mum nor me really talk about SIL with him, never know what the other side of the story is, and last thing we want is to add additional stress to his life.. Yesterday was Rajab and boy did I pray for sanity in relation to all of this..I just hope whatever the issue is, it settles.. and becomes what it was before..

which was believe me, not being in each others face, but when we met, had a good time.

Not sure in terms of what’s going there, in her mind .. anyway, I can only imagine how adorable and cute my niece is becoming day by day.. lucky her naniyal wale get to see her everyday ..

[Paheli00]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

^ You don’t need to discuss SIL with your brother. But I’m amazed that you or your parents have not asked your brother if you can drop by at a certain date/weekend or whatever to see the baby. Not sure why you think this simple question/request could create such stress on your brother.

Why do you need to imagine how the baby looks? Is asking your brother to send recent pics going to cause him additional stress too? Or even asking him to Skype/Video chat & showing you guys the baby that way?

[zainykhan]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

Because she has been at her parents house and sometimes back at her place.. and whenver we ask to make a plan getting mix responses.. and SIL refuses to come out of her room :S so even if we were to go, what to do look at the ceiling lol..

have been asking for photos here n there, got a few to keep me going lol.. just wanna cuddle the bubba ..

@Paheli00

^ You don’t need to discuss SIL with your brother. But I’m amazed that you or your parents have not asked your brother if you can drop by at a certain date/weekend or whatever to see the baby. Not sure why you think this simple question/request could create such stress on your brother.

Why do you need to imagine how the baby looks? Is asking your brother to send recent pics going to cause him additional stress too? Or even asking him to Skype/Video chat & showing you guys the baby that way?

[zainykhan]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

my parents would scold me if I ever did that lol

[Lusi]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

More then your bhabhi, your brother needs a wake up call. When my son was born, I used to email picture to my family and husband, he would forward them to his sibs. No one ever had to ask for them. If he took the pics, he’d email his sibs and me, I would forward them to my family. If you guys live pretty close then he needs to find opportunities where his parents/sibs and wife/child can spend some time together. If the wife is unnecessarily acting up then he needs to talk to her or do what ever he needs to fix the issue.

[pwner]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

@Lusi

More then your bhabhi, your brother needs a wake up call. When my son was born, I used to email picture to my family and husband, he would forward them to his sibs. No one ever had to ask for them. If he took the pics, he’d email his sibs and me, I would forward them to my family. If you guys live pretty close then he needs to find opportunities where his parents/sibs and wife/child can spend some time together. If the wife is unnecessarily acting up then he needs to talk to her or do what ever he needs to fix the issue.

She has post natal depression, and hence there is no issue to be fixed.

[Lusi]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

@pwner

She has post natal depression, and hence there is no issue to be fixed.

If you don’t know what the hell post natal depression is, then stay quiet or educate yourself about it. It is not some myth but very real stuff.

[pwner]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

Thats what i said too. Why did you assert that there was something ‘unnecessary’ .

[Lusi]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

@pwner

Thats what i said too. Why did you assert that there was something ‘unnecessary’ .

When I had post natal depression, I did get upset at unnecessary things, all I needed was my husband listen to my crap, say something to make me feel better and help me move on. Now that I am way over that phase, I do realize it was unnecessary stuff, however at that time I had difficulty reasoning and needed support.

[WendyDarling]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

@pwner

She has post natal depression, and hence there is no issue to be fixed.

Oh god here we go again

[WendyDarling]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

Zainy why don’t you guys just make the plans with your brother? Why does your SIL have to be present. Can’t he just bring the baby to your place for a day? Would give your SIL a day off as well …

[S02]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

^if she’s nursing, that would be difficult.

[pwner]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

It might aggravate her to be separated from the baby for extended period of time.

[rabia3983]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

You should invite the SIL and her whole family to your house. NO exception! Mothers day is coming up and you can use that as an excuse. Tell you brother and other that you want to take care of your SIL now that she is a mother etc. NO way out of it!

[rabia3983]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

@pwner

It might aggravate her to be separated from the baby for extended period of time.

it actually might.

[WendyDarling]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

@S02

^if she’s nursing, that would be difficult.

Then maybe they could drop by at their place? Or her parents?

[pwner]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

I think the best option is, to go their house for a while. Go into her room,cuddle the baby for 5 minutes max and come back. No other feasible option.

[Paheli00]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

@zainykhan

and SIL refuses to come out of her room :S so even if we were to go, what to do look at the ceiling lol.. ..

Let SIL stay in her room. Spending time with your brother and the baby isn’t good enough? You never did answer this when I asked earlier…when SIL goes into her room, does she INSIST that the baby go with her too?

[sweefs]

Re: Post Natal or just being rude?

@redvelvet

I haven’t been through PPD, but I did go through a depression last year which knocked me down and lasted several months. But while my family was patient with me, I still had to make an effort at civility to maintain my relationships. Rudeness is rudeness whether it stems from insecurity, a bad day, or depression. You can cut the depressed person some slack, but they are still not totally exempt from making an effort at even basic decency toward family and friends. **The cure to depression is not based solely on medication, therapy and loved ones showing sabar, it also entails pushing yourself (be it a little at a time) to restore normalcy in your relationships and life. You may not feel like showering, or praying, or responding to a simple question from a loved one…but you have to push yourself. There needs to be an ehsaas for the feelings of your loved ones who are showing you so much patience, but that shouldn’t be taken advantage of. **

I am not in “all support” of the in-laws. I had even suggested to OP that she and her mom avoid dictating to the new mother how she should handle her baby…I had even included the caveat/possibility Op’s family maybe offending the bhabi in some way. This reflects consideration for the bhabi’s feelings as well. But I do not favor looking at this situation only or strictly through emotion and sympathy and no logic or aqal whatsoever. If the depressed person’s aqal/logic is impaired …that doesn’t mean that those of us who are not depressed cannot infuse some common sense/logic into our sympathies. Often times parents will act nicer to the people their kids are being rude to…as a way of attempting to maintain some peace, but unfortunately in this scenario the mother of the bhabi who is not suffering from depression and has less of an excuse for her rudeness …is behaving no better than her daughter. I sympathize with a woman’s discomfort both during pregnancy and after birth, but I feel bad for the in-laws who are feeling shunned by both their DIL and her mother. For some reason it seems like a few folks on here are feeling as though their own birth experiences, and PPD experiences, and heck maybe even the existence of the children they’ve brought into the world has been in “invalidated” or “dismissed” by the argument that a depressed person is still not exempt from making an effort at maintaining civility/decency.

The longer that one remains deliberately careless and inconsiderate towards their loved ones, the greater the potential for the relationships to become seriously damaged…maybe even irreversibly so. In-laws tend not to have the level of patience our immediate family does. Agar doosray laug hamaray liye ehsaas rakh rahay hain…sabar kar rahain hain…to humain bhi koshish karni chahiye. Even professionals will not dismiss the importance of making an effort when treating depression patients.

this.

also, i completely understand that many of you feel non parents shouldn’t be allowed to comment on sensitive issues such as these, but unless a member is trolling then i see nothing wrong with it if they are making their point in a civil/normal manner. i wouldn’t want to speak for redvelvet as she is perfectly capable of doing so.. but i don’t think she is downplaying ppd, nor is she dismissing it. all she’s saying is that yes, ppd or any kind of depression can lead to impaired ability of recognising one’s actions towards others and that those close to said person should be understanding and very supportive BUT there has to be some sort of willingness or effort from the patient to get back on track. family therapy can also be a good idea. so that both parties can deal with it better. having said that, six weeks is still too early to determine what to do with your sil’s behaviour, perhaps she’s still trying to come to terms with it herself. just keep your distance if she wants that and be there to help if she asks you. i’m sure once she feels a little better she will appreciate your patience.