^ Why are you women inclined on merging other issues with the matter currently being discussed in the thread? If a man leaves the parents for the sake of moving abroad and all that jazz, yes it is abandonment, at least to me it is. But if you look at the title of the thread, it relates to abandonment after getting married.
And as for the golden words in bold - sweethearts, my sole objective was not to push the entire blame on women, unlike most of you perceived it to be. If a man is irresponsible, he is irresponsible, it doesn't make it right for him just because he is a man. My point, which I failed to get across to the most of you, was that when your parents are old t*hey need you, not just for the 'needs' needs, they need company, they need care. Nobody wants to be left alone. Again, there are exceptions and like I 'admitted' above, dynamics and bonding structure of a family also matters. My ideas are based on how I was raised and trust me my parents did everything to make sure I was always comfortable. And I consider it a debt which I can never repay but I can and will try.
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And as for comparing ourselves with sahaba, if only we were as cautious about rights as them and as pious and responsible as them. I would recommend a self assessment before playing the religion card. Plus, refer to rights of the parents in islam, might be an eye opener. Again, I know many feel differently due to a different bonding structure of the family, and some even hate their parents. So, like I said, some good sensible reasons, and a bunch of insecurities!
course that is fair enough.in fact religiously speaking the most right on a guy is that of his mother. people need company and elders need to be surrounded by ones they love. generally speaking though, the social mind set in our country is such where the expectations are heaped on daughter in law. do you see the difference i am trying to point out? they expect the daughter in law to be more obedient more care taking more of everything and she is usually not forgiven any mistake in that regard. in some households the intimacy between the couple is scrutinised . how they treat each other is then under family discussion that later on turn into an in law fiasco. i am sorry i got to say majority in our society donot treat women properly. that is to say their mothers and wives. not that everyone is like that but a trend is pretty obvious. i have seen some pretty bad cases myself in one instant the daughter in law wasnt allowed to visit her mother on death bed because it was considered too much , one where they newly weds couldnt go out by themselves ,shopping or dinner or anything, it had to be a whole family event. they never bonded and the daughter in law turned anti in laws. social make up of our society is still based on age based respect which isnt necessarily a bad thing but if you neglect one to appease another than its only natural that resentment will follow suit. financial factors then play into the entire joint system, one instant of which is that if the guy cannot support a separate housing his wife is treated with very little respect or regard. or if the guy has dependants who he needs to care for sisters and mother, the wife turns narky.
there might be a population where elders are left alone and abandoned but i havent personally ever seen this .it was more to do with irresponsible sons not making any effort.generally speaking majority of pakistani still carry on with joint system so i dont think i am terribly off the mark.
^i don't have to help my opinion coz mine was formed after personal experience and that of many others. n its none of my concern if someone lives with inlaws or not. its a personal choice. but unless u hav lived with them( atleast for 5-6 months) u cannot judge how easy or hard it could be. i used to be unmarried once too and had high thoughts of families and living together but theories are always different from practicals. and situations can be different for different ppl but generally speaking living with in laws is way harder than living with ur own parents.
Your personal experience is only your own and limited to you. You had a bad experience but that doesnt mean everyone else did or will. I know of plenty of couples who live with inlaws and are doing fine and I also know of couples who arent doing all that great.
The point is, you dont know what anyone on this forum has been through and its none of your concern. Trying to disqualify someone else's opinion isnt very nice.
As for living with inlaws being different from living with your parents...well...that is pretty obvious isnt it?
Your personal experience is only your own and limited to you. You had a bad experience but that doesnt mean everyone else did or will. I know of plenty of couples who live with inlaws and are doing fine and I also know of couples who arent doing all that great.
The point is, you dont know what anyone on this forum has been through and its none of your concern. Trying to disqualify someone else's opinion isnt very nice.
As for living with inlaws being different from living with your parents...well...that is pretty obvious isnt it?
well i'm not gonna argue over that as i have already said wat i wanted to.
however i sincerely wish u best of luck and a happy experience living with in laws.
^ Forget the personal attacks, will you marry Gina or not?
Isn't that quite personal?
It may be personal, but do you see it as an ATTACK????
BAD idea.. I prefer homo-sapiens over jaanwars any day! ;)
Back to the topic.. parents..abandoning.. moving-out.
Now then Gina, are you acting coy???
Khair, I shall leave it to you both to settle this matter in private, feel free to PM eachother... Ahem, of course if its settled in the affirmative, I will of course be the guest of honour at your wedding.
Re: Post marriage independence, privacy or abandoning your parents?
^ awww come on RH, there is no shame in admitting that and its heartening to see how they are refining and shaping the mentality of our female population!
Re: Post marriage independence, privacy or abandoning your parents?
I think i creeped sexy mullah out a little!!! And, as for his post, well he was rather shocked by the question and therefore, was not able to come up with a correct response. So shall I tell them jaanwar??
It may be personal, but do you see it as an ATTACK????
Now then Gina, are you acting coy???
Khair, I shall leave it to you both to settle this matter in private, feel free to PM eachother... Ahem, of course if its settled in the affirmative, I will of course be the guest of honour at your wedding.
Thank you kindly.
Good Noon.
I can't cheat on Ali Zafar.. RH, for the bright idea.. u're still the guest of honour at my wedding!
I would admit it if it were true. It is enough that you have conveyed an implication of what they are like through your words. Keep watching and keep us updated as to the state of the characters as necessary. Thanks.
Re: Post marriage independence, privacy or abandoning your parents?
To be honest I actually was shocked at Rupay's comment/talent, and I was wondering if she would offer her real sister's hand in marriage to a stranger like that - be that serious of jokingly, and I couldn't find the appropriate words to ask that. So yeah, I had to edit it quite a few times and then left it as you see it.
! And, as for his post, well he was rather shocked by the question and therefore, was not able to come up with a correct response. So shall I tell them jaanwar??