Janwar, just wondering what would you're options be should your wife's parents seek/need her company as much as your parents wants yours? on which bases would you decide....because i am sure, her parents would appreciate her company as much as yours.
secondly, i think its all fine and dandy that you you want to pay back youre parents what you owe them, just as long as you dont try and pay them back with your wife. Remember, she not indebted to them, so its not her who should pay.
thirdly, living with extended families is not really practical in the west, unless perhaps you live in a mansion with different living quarters. Normal everyday family issues can easily get blown out of proportion, and lead to unneccessary conflicts between spouse/inlaws because that relationship of an inlaw is never the same- remember blood is always thicker than water.
I think wanting to live seperately when you can, is not an insecurity by any means, infact it is natural that both couples would intially want thier own space, inorder to adjust to one another. Its hard enough adjusting to one person after marriage, let alone a whole tribe.
Then theres also the shari' mahram/namahram issue, hence why providing seperate accomodation for a spouse is a requirement in Islam.
So, if the husband refuses to move out when the means are there, and the parents are able, then i think that is more of a general reflection of insecurity on his part, rather than the wife's and the affliction is well known as 'mama's boy'!