So being in the middle east right now (both UAE and Saudi) I have seen how normal 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriages are. Infact for the richer Sheikhs having ‘keeps’ (women your right hand posseses) is also quite common. also temporary marriages are also practiced even among Sunnis.
In comparison, to me, Pakistani culture seems much better for women. I mean usually Pakistani men have less double standards, and rarely have 2nd marriages, there’s zero concept of keeping keeps etc in the normal population. anyways so I am a bit curious about what Pakistanis think of 2nd marriages etc. in my experience in the middle east an Arab man is never considered truely marrid or taken, he is always looking for the next wife. Sometimes the first wife is looking for a 2nd wife since she’s tired etc. This sort of stuff is seen and heard in schools colleges etc… like if a woman got married at 12 or 13 now that she’s gotten to college she’ll look for a 2nd wife for her husband so that she can get a masters or something! (this is stuff from personal expereince of meeting women through friends and family!)
Anyways just curious about the paki perspective in all this…
if they are fair with their wives, fulfill their rights and need and treat them nicely then there is nothing wrong in having multiple wives. why don't you share what these wives of those sheikh's have to say about their lives as 2nd, 3rd , 4th etc wives.
Hmm well there's a language barrier.... the info I get is throgh a few freinds who are American (pakistanis) and are English teachers or private English tutors. I think their perspective (some of them) is different, they've grown up in houses where there were 2 or 3 wivies and so on so its normal for them. I mean Pakistani women are not used to it because they didn't see their mothers and grand mothers be co-wives. Its a different perspective, and very male centered. It also helps that people are rich so they can divied their income fully.
I have heard its almost a shame for a man to have just one wife here...
so then why you want to have a pakistani perspective on something that has nothing to do with pak..be it cultural or social. i didn't mention religion because polygamy is allowed in islam only under various rules and regulations.
Just curious because we are the same religon yet so different from eachother......its just a conversation man why do you have an attitude, you dont' have to respond!
the pakistani perspective? women will never allow it and while men may huff and puff abou their rights....majority of htem will never follow through with it.
He is having trouble handling me...how the heck will he manage two???
I know Islam allows it but under certain circumstances...not just to have sex left and right and reproduce like rabbits with no means to provide for these children and families.
If you can do it, your wife agrees then go for it. If your wife doesnt agree...dont set yourself up for failure.
kapary walli - can you tell me - if the man is getting 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife... then is the woman allowed to BE SOMEONE ELSE'S - girlfriend - and still be his wife?
So being in the middle east right now (both UAE and Saudi) I have seen how normal 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriages are. Infact for the richer Sheikhs having 'keeps' (women your right hand posseses) is also quite common. also temporary marriages are also practiced even among Sunnis.
In comparison, to me, Pakistani culture seems much better for women. I mean usually Pakistani men have less double standards, and rarely have 2nd marriages, there's zero concept of keeping keeps etc in the normal population. anyways so I am a bit curious about what Pakistanis think of 2nd marriages etc. in my experience in the middle east an Arab man is never considered truely marrid or taken, he is always looking for the next wife. Sometimes the first wife is looking for a 2nd wife since she's tired etc. This sort of stuff is seen and heard in schools colleges etc... like if a woman got married at 12 or 13 now that she's gotten to college she'll look for a 2nd wife for her husband so that she can get a masters or something! (this is stuff from personal expereince of meeting women through friends and family!)
Anyways just curious about the paki perspective in all this....
This doesnt answer your question but what does finding a second wife got to do with doing masters?
i dont understand y some paki women go insane if someones talking about polygomy....is nt it better if husband gets nikahfied rather then having an affair or cheating.
i must say i dislike saudi fashion in this matter. they take marriage too easy, much of it has to do with affluency. i have yet to see a person who treats both wives fairly. it is not such an easy thing.
i dont understand y some paki women go insane if someones talking about polygomy....is nt it better if husband gets nikahfied rather then having an affair or cheating.
they have sound reasons what if the same husband totally ignores you after marriage?pakistani society isnt up for women divorce and second marriage. in arab culture divorce is not an issue and second and third marriages are piece of cake.
Generally from the polygamous Pakistani marriages i have seen they do not tend to follow the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and the Quran. Generally they have a detrimental effect on the children. I really do not think personally pakistani culture is cut out for polygamous marriages.
^ me neither already the women are porsecuted badly here. secodnly money has alot to do with this issue, saudis arent exactly embracing taqwa they have more to spend , in pakistan money is the biggest issue. polygamy isnt compatible with low income and low taqwa
The cases where i have seen it happen i think tuba you know i just feel for he children. Before this guys got married again twice (has 3 wives) his children were like angels, but now they are withdrawn and no longer bubbly they are pale and sickly. I feel so sorry for his fist wife as mashallah she is so beautiful and so are her kids. The guy completely ignores her my heart totally breaks for her.
also this was an interesting blog which is no longer updated about an Egyptian sister in a polygamous marriage Thoughts of a First Wife: July 2008
For me if my future husband wanted to get married again or did i would ask for thalaq.