BECHAREE Pakistani mard? 
yah right 
BECHAREE hum khwateen haen 
u expect ladies to be dressed in party clothes while cooking in the kitchen, washing dishes and running after the kids? 
cyz bro 
rehman1: while i understand the notion of blind-following but i also believe that islam is true enough to justifiably explain itself. As far as my understanding of communication prior to second/whichever marriage goes, it doesnt necessarily have to be 'asking for permission' .. even a 'letting her know' would do. your point is a firm 'no communication required' and thats where many who dont know or who want to know might have a problem. how can a marriage survive without any sort of communication especially in matters as crucial as marriages?
irem: you are suggesting a situation where an arranged marriage is not possible but that doesnt give you a green signal to go the dating-dating-marriage route, islamically speaking. friends and acquaintances can arrange for him (and thats what usually happens). Secondly, i think u misread my post (or maybe its my incoherence, blame it to staying up so late at night). i was making a point about divorce as being disliked yet allowed but, in extreme situations. and as far as the men taking advantage of the given law, well there will always be people like that. and those who do consider it a privilege are the ones given it a bad name and confusing minds like yours and mine.
^^
hmmm I c…you do have a point there brother 
agreed :k:
What’s the Astagfiruallah for.
As you can see becharaa is in BOLD LETTERS. for little mazak.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by The Rainmaker: *
rehman1: while i understand the notion of blind-following but i also believe that islam is true enough to justifiably explain itself. As far as my understanding of communication prior to second/whichever marriage goes, it doesnt necessarily have to be 'asking for permission' .. even a 'letting her know' would do. your point is a firm 'no communication required' and thats where many who dont know or who want to know might have a problem. how can a marriage survive without any sort of communication especially in matters as crucial as marriages?
irem: you are suggesting a situation where an arranged marriage is not possible but that doesnt give you a green signal to go the dating-dating-marriage route, islamically speaking. friends and acquaintances can arrange for him (and thats what usually happens). Secondly, i think u misread my post (or maybe its my incoherence, blame it to staying up so late at night). i was making a point about divorce as being disliked yet allowed but, in extreme situations. and as far as the men taking advantage of the given law, well there will always be people like that. and those who do consider it a privilege are the ones given it a bad name and confusing minds like yours and mine.
[/QUOTE]
I think I made clear that Permission is not required.
Lekn yes she should be told about it.
I am still intrigued by 4:2, 3
Has anyone even read this part:
“If you fear you will not deal fairly by the orphans…”
Why don’t we ponder on the logic behind it? how is marrying more than one times being “fair to the orphans”? 
hello
just checking to see my activation status
YEH REHMAN just because they are ugly it gives you right to marry more then one aa jaatay hain
interesting topic…and i personally would be devastated if i were put into that position. I have one question, which is also along these lines, would it be that, during nikkah the first wife makes it a variable in the contract that a second wife will not be permitted during their marriage? As I have read in many hadiths that ppl would make contracts and abide by them aswell? wishful thinking? 
this has to be the most informative post of the thread…the rest is just 
You opened an interesting thread, Irem.
haan … good point. :~/
But we know that generally speaking, unmarried men don’t go for widows/divorcees… it’s sad, but it’s a true societal fact … there’s a stigma attached. Haw woh pehlay shaadi shudda thi… woh tau bhuddi ho gai hai (even if she’s relatively young!). The guy faces lots of societal obstructions in his path if he, as a first-time married guy, wants to marry a widow or a divorced lady. This is sad but true, even though the majority of the wives of Hazrat Muhammad (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) were widows themselves.
Sorry yaar :~( But what does “sokans” mean? :~( feeling stupid Are sokans the first wives?
i should have asked my Phuppi about that. You’re right…it’s NOT that simple.
Irem, everything you are stating is accurate.
Let’s take a hypothetical situation. What if there’s a wife (i’ll call her “y”) and a husband (call him “z” - very original names i know). Let’s say “Y” got married early, her education isn’t finished. For whatever personal reasons, she chose to be a housewife theek hai. Y and Z try to have children for many years, Allah kai marzi sai they are not successful. Z’s family pressures Z to remarry. Isn’t it better if Z takes a second wife, and not divorces Y, as long as he promises to treat both equally. From the perspective of Y, she doesn’t have the financial capacity to stand on her own two feet; what is she supposed to do especially if her own parents won’t allow her back in their house? She can’t go on social welfare because the system for that isn’t set up in her country. i know it’s a very materialistic perspective, but yaar - pragmatically speaking, she DOES need some sort of support system doesn’t she especially if she chose early on not to finish her education before getting married…so she’s never had her own career prior to shaadi. Ab woh kia karay? In this situation, if Z is an honest Muslim, i think it would be better for him NOT to divorce Y…and try to treat both of them equally.
Waisay… you know what should happen… in every Muslim country, if a husband wants to take on a second/third/fourth wife, then it should be made mandatory that he gets counselling from a well-respected and knowledgeable Imam. The Imam should counsel him for say three months (at least) regarding his religious obligations towards ALL of his wives… it should be like a seminar on Islam’s principles regarding polygamy. Aur uss kai baad, the Imam should stay in touch with ALL of the wives (especially the sokans) and he should help the family out if there are any accusations from any of the wives regarding unequal treatment.
hmm but i’m daydreaming :~D
Anyhow, sorry for the long reply - hope i didn’t bore you.
Sorry to go a bit off topic, but I have oftened wondered why the husband feels the need to remarry if his wife cannot have children. Granted, it may be the wife who is telling him to get a second wife. However, why is adopting a child not considered as an option?
I know there are plenty of other reasons why a man takes on a second wife. I am just focussing on the issue of the wife not being able to conceive.
In this day and age its hard to deal with one wife financially, let alone four of them!
Mehnaz, a very good point.
I just do not understand why is it that these people would go and get a 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife but cannot adopt one child.
I personally find the whole idea of remarrying for a child to be nothing but an excuse. As in Nadia's example of her aunt and uncle, the guy will just do a runner and isn't exactly going to treat the wives equally.
What is so taboo about adopting? Would it not be better to give love and shelter to a child than remarry and treat the wives unequally?
In all the cases I know where the husband has multiple wives, the wives all hate one another and fight with each other. Gosh, who would want to live in that kind of environment? If the husband and wife aren't living together, meaning that the husband is living with #2, then is that even a marriage? In name only.
Adoption is not preferred act in Islam.
I think being a wife of an unmerried man is more difficult for the women.
I saw closely a widow ( let name her X) merried with her brother inlaw (named as Y) ,it was not a merriage but a matam over there.The women has 3 children.The merriage took place just because of the will of Y’s mother.Because she didn’t want to let lthe childrens live as orphan.Y loves his mother so much and obeys her every order. he never ever rejected her any order.So just to respect her will Y got merried with X.
When we heared about it, we felt like what a brave decision he has taken.but after the merriage not only he but his beloved mom too doesn’t want to bring X along with him to the place where he lives.they give excuse like ‘uske friends kya kahenge ke ek widow se shadi ki hai isne’.People around them also support this view. This is our society which sucks.I wannna say (to Y) if you don’t have courage to accept the reallity then why you took this type of step.
I feel so bad about the women, i don’t think she is getting all her rights from her husband and inlaws. Now X is living with her inlaws.Y comes home when he get some holiday.I don’t think he’ll ever bring her to his place.There would be alot other problems related to her childrens also.you can understand that.
In my opinion if you are not able to give one’s right to her then please don’t initiate, don’t make her life much difficult.I think quran tells the conditions for more than 1 wife.it clearly tells ‘you mortals are prone to make errors’ so its better if you analyse yourself for giving the equality to both.if you are not then you must have to answer to allah pak.
Its better if you avoid it 
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by rehman1: *
Adoption is not preferred act in Islam.
[/QUOTE]
Can anyone answer me, why its not preffered act in Islam.
Is there any logic behind it? what's that?
I think its a kind of sawab.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by chit_khopdi: *
Can anyone answer me, why its not preffered act in Islam.
Is there any logic behind it? what's that?
I think its a kind of sawab.
[/QUOTE]
This has been answered several time. Refer to other answers in
this thread.
What If the couple conceive a baby after adopting a kid.
Will they be able to provide same comfort and love.
And the kid is always considered a namuhaaram.
It is totally illogical to support polygamy but not adoption. Your'e worried how an adopted child may be treated in comparison to a birth child, but have no qualms about how a man could possibly treat his wives differently? Surely adoption is a preferred act when compared to lfe on the streets or in an orphanage.