To ladies, especially the married ones:
What do you think of the idea of alleviating the pain and economic/emotional/basic needs problems of widows and children by promoting polygamy in Pakistan as a solution to the problem.
i.e. You have a husband whose able to take on another wife and her kids…and he takes a female with children who is widowed by the Earthquake?
Afterall, isn’t this what polygamy is instituted for in Islam?
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
I think polygamy is there for such crisis in islam, but don't u think it needs a very mature and settled mind for taking such decisions.
For example an individual who is young (around 25 - 35) and well settled, he had never dream of having multiple uninvited wifes and children, and even if he does his second marriage with the flow of enthusiasm adn after some time he somehow does not manage to fulfill the haq of either he will surely go to the first wife whom he was living his happy life before.
An on the other hand the man who is little older (around 40 - 45) and can afford to have multiple wife would have the first wife must be mature enough (according to average age diifferences in pak society) to visualize life of the husband with multiple wives. And there are less chances of transition of decisions at the age.
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
Most of the victims were women and children.
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
Yes piccy. My point exactly. Living victims, I mean.
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
I don't like the idea...i think even though the intent mite be good n genuine it will lead to other problems perhaps, between husband n wife...and more than anything else, i just don't like it...perhaps this is the one thing i don't see the good in, in Islam.
Btw, if it was vice-versa, i wud still feel the same way.
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
Right you feel that way. But think of all the ladies with children who need a support system and they don't have one. In a society where its hard enough for a woman to get a decent job where she's respected, where will these women go? They can't live on government hand-out forever. Eventually the gov't will stop funding them.
So they'll end up working jobs where they're sexually harassed, raped, bothered, etc?
And don't they have a right to intimacy? To love? Who will give that to them?
Lets say, we bring forth our single men and ask them to marry one woman victimized by the tragedy. Okay fine. But we're talking thousands upon thousands of women. Obviously, there will be an excess of women in the area when the number of married men will reach its saturation point.
That leaves basically only married men to take on the extra widows and female orphans (who will and may already have, reached sexual maturity).
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
Yes and i feel terrible for those women…but i still can’t see how getting them married off to men who already have a wife n kids is the only option and/or the best option…how about ppl open their hearts n homes to these widows…wot if a family takes in a woman and for name sake call her their “auntie” or wotever, meaning she wud be the guy’s sister instead of her new wife…it’s just another idea…cos i don’t like the other one…as far as her right to intimacy and love…we don’t even know if these women wud want to remarry after losing their husbands…if a family, is taking care of most of her needs and giving her love than that is a big thing…if she wants to remarry, then i guess if it’s in her fate to marry again then she’ll find someone…main thing is getting a roof over her head n such, which can be done if a family “adopts” her…just my thoughts.
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
I will smack the crap out of my hubby if these words would come of his mouth. I am willing to share his wealth thats all not his bed, not his emotions, not his feelings, not his love PERIOD.
I believe there was definately a huge misunderstanding among the poeple back then. I would thank Allah Tala for giving my hubby enough that he can support his family. I would want him to support other 20 families if he can, even buy those people homes and support them until he can or we can etc. i dont think he needs to marry another women to help her.
I can't stand it when a guy goes i can marry 4 women at one time. I just want to break him in 4 pieces.
If i am making enough money and supporting 5 families with husbands who cant work, perhaps disable or whatever the case is? Do i need to marry them? Do i need a label of wife before i help them. Sounds ridiculous and funny.
shouldnt marriage be among those who have feelings for each other. If arrange marriage happens and two people have no feelings for each other believe me they will look around.
Sometimes i feel in old days that was just a way of legalizing prostitution. Different women every night....
I will support my hubby to build huge buildings with job availability for those women and put them for some sort of a use. Get them help from whatever way possible but my hubby will be mine only....
i can share anything except him...
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
thats a pretty ignorant remark nia…disappointing to see that coming from u…
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
Those old days were the days when Prophet:saw: lived in this world and he married 11 women.
key word: married.
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
nia_khan, try learning the difference between a prostitute and a wife....
and if u think marriage is all about sex, u need a therapy....
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
You know, I know I kept this open to ladies. But now I'm curious. How many men here would be willing to take on an extra wife as a form of charity for these women and their children....?
Mind you. Many of these ladies have lots of children. So you might end up with a woman with 5 kids...
Are you up to the challenge of managing two women in the name of charity and the victims of this disaster?
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
i 'm wondering are only ladies affected by loss of spouse?
there must be also men who lost their spouses?
why not marrying widows together?....in this way no need for polygamy!
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
The idea I have floating in my head is that these women would probably not want to leave where they live…and so, in the quake regions themselves polygamy won’t help much as there is a shortage of women…
If there are women left behind, I’m sure there are more than enough eligable widowers…
Maybe I’m wrong…
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
What a prime example of gutter mentality.
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
Well I'm not sure about the earthquake situation....we did discuss adopting an earthquake orphan but just cant afford it just now. But during the time that I was battling infertility, I was looking into another wife for my hubby, one that could reproduce. He was very averse to the idea, said he preferred adoption.
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
My mamoo and chacha are still single, they should get married but I think that it's very tough to share ones husband!! Hope i dont sound egoistic and stupid. I would adopt up2 two kids even and even support an entire family. My dad is very active in supporting the victims these days and my hubby also helped ppl recover from injuries (hes a doc). Now it's high time for me to do something...
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
I don’t know how women can share their husbands. It requires a huge and very giving heart which I certainly do not possess. It is a very good and tough question PCG. I like Noor’s idea too - try to marry the widowed people. I personally won’t be able to share my husband with multiple women 
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
Really? I'm surprised at the responses. I'm actually mixed on it, and I don't believe I would mind.
Re: Polygamy as a Solution to Earthquake Victims
polygamy is really a tough thing to do.. as an individual.. if you have multiple wives (for whatever reason) .. u need to make sure u give them equal rights.. fullfil their rights properly. .. which to me seems really hard.. (this is just my view)...