polyamory and guppies

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: polyamory and guppies

so, is pakistani law un-islamic?

62

Re: polyamory and guppies

can i have the address for this office?

63

Re: polyamory and guppies

Pakistani law is not in accordance with Islam in many ways. In this case of wife's permission, an addition has been made which is not required as per Islam.

Pakistani law is defective in many cases. The permission of WALI of a girl is necessary at the time of nikah and nikah cannot be done without the presence/ permission of girl's WALI here in Arab countries. However, this is not required in Pakistan. We continuously hear cases of court marriages in Pakistan where girl and guy elope and get married. This is impossible in Arab countries.

64

Re: polyamory and guppies

Must have gone straight to the paradise :D

65

Re: polyamory and guppies

Much better - At least we can turn it on /off as per our desire :D

66

Re: polyamory and guppies

Negatives

One of my dad's cousins got someone else pregnant 'back home' whilst he was married so ended up marrying her as well.. first wife basically used her as a maid and no-one in that situation has really ended up happy.. A couple of family acquaintances here in the UK have also done it.. also with bad results (most of the children have ended up disowning their dad).. One of the servants at my grandad's house is also the second wife of a guy from her village.. she is still devastated by it but thinks she would have no future as a divorcee, thinks no-one would marry her etc. so stays with him :(

Positives

There's a user on the Ummah forum called 'Dhakkiya' who's a convert from the UK and lives in Saudi Arabia, her husband has taken a second wife and she seems fine with it.. I think she has a baby or young child, can't quite remember.. she's educated (a doctor or psychologist) and independent and about as far away as you can get from the sterotype of the downtrodden subservient wife who has no choice but to stay.. her posts are really interesting and always fair and balanced.. anyone interested in the subject should definitely check out what she's written.. her husband discussed the issue with her before he went ahead and she had plenty of input.. he also treats them fairly and equally.. this is prob the main reason she seems to be one of the tiny no of women who is content and happy with the situation..

My SIL's uncle has two wives.. this came from an unhappy beginning.. he was forced into marriage to a cousin in Pak then later when he came back to the UK he took the girl he had wanted to marry in the first place as his second wife.. Now the two wives seem to be ok with the situation, they go out together etc. Both are also extremely religious (both wear niqaab).. I haven't ever spoken to either of them about this specific situation but whenever I see them they seem happy.. on the surface at least.. Again, the kids in this situation are very young (toddlers and babies).. things might well change as they become older and more aware of what happened..

67

Re: polyamory and guppies

In the Hanafi madhab a marriage is still valid if the girl marries without her wali present (the guy needs to be 'appropriate' etc).. it's a cutural misconception that those of us who are Hanafis must have our parents' permissions to marry our partners.. it's strongly discouraged to go ahead without our parents' blessings but not haram..

Many Arabs follow a diff school of thought.. none of the other madhabs allow it..

In regards to husband needing first wife's permission it's not necessary in religious terms.. but he's required to tell her it's happened.. to keep it a secret is haram..

68

Re: polyamory and guppies

Ok. Thanks for the info :)

So it is basically a difference due to Fiqh Hanafi and other Fiqahs.

But I think the requirement of parents' approval for a girl's nikah save the society from many evils. If any Girl here in Arab countries wants to marry someone, has to ask for their parent's approvals and it saves them from many problems like those faced by girls in Pakistan who elope with their 'lovers' to get married and keep on running the whole of their lives.

69

Re: polyamory and guppies

It dosen't. Things always go pear shaped and people end up getting deeply hurt. Always.

70

Re: polyamory and guppies

As deeba mentioned............ wali is not mandatory in Islam. Think about all those situations where girls don't have any Maharam relative. If wali was mandatory how would these girls get married?

OP

My sisters friend has two mothers. Her father did love and arranged marriage. He chose first wife and second was selected by his mother. Both wives live together in same house but in different floors. Children don't know who is their step mother. only elders children (1 or 2) know who is step mother and who is their own mother. Her father divides his time equally in both wives. Children has no issues as they live in a same house and get equally attention from their father and double love from both mothers.

Several years ago...... two of my class fellows have two mothers. One was happy with her step mother in her father's life. But when he died....... issues arose due to property... but their children met chupky chupky....... actually my class fellow's mother was strict and didn't let her meet with them.... but she used to meet with her step mother and brothers chupky chupky.

Second one had very happy ending till then.. they were happy, lived in different houses.......... but regularly meet with each others.

I know few more stories but don't remember now.

71

Re: polyamory and guppies

As Deeba mentioned, the permission of WALI is not mandatory in Hanafi Fiqah. I have researched the net and it was found that in some of the Hadiths, the permission of WALI is mandatory (as followed by other fiqahs).

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101)
In Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318 was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102)

72

Re: polyamory and guppies

It’s because she wanted the red dress … :hehe:

73

Re: polyamory and guppies

cute fifa, ashy: :k:

74

Re: polyamory and guppies

Also wanted to say, alot of times...women that grow older and end up unmarried aren't able to find men their age who are single and ready to marry. To those women, being a second wife is accepted. A maid that worked at our house in Pakistan had an older sister who was 40-something and unmarried, she got married again to a man who was around the same age as her and was happy as hell (according to her sister).

75

Re: polyamory and guppies

Not every law in an Arab country is automatically islamic.
Is that truly Islamic - as in, is there supporting evidence?

-- Ignore -- didn't read the posts about difference in madhabs

76

Re: polyamory and guppies

So now I actually have a wife too?

Fantastic.

77

My nana had 2 wives, sadly my mum n mamu n nani were pushed aside n left to live on scraps while step nani and 2 step mamus lived in luxury. Islam says all wives to b treated equally too bad step nani controlled the bank accounts leaving nani with less than basic living costs each month. :(

78

Re: polyamory and guppies

not at all or always its mess, may be if the reason behind is greed or lust then it can be mess, as u know five fingers are not equal…

79

Re: polyamory and guppies

in many case the angry relative or blood relation people run after them for year, when ever or where ever they find them, they just kill them..

80

Re: polyamory and guppies

this people this.