please tell me how should i deal with this?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

my husband’s attitude is extremely insulting and taunting for me,in front of others..he embarrasses me for every little thing..for example,today he was saying infront of my BIL and sister “kaam ki na kaaj ki dushman anaaj ki”…i felt so embarrassed:(..there are many other examples like this..i really don’t understand how should i deal with this..:(..please i just want sincere advice…

2

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

Have you tired talking to him ?

3

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

Have you talked to your husband about this and told him how you feel when he makes these comments in front of otheres?

4

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

yes ,i have,many times,,,and he says "mai mazaak kerta hun,tum mujhay abhi tak samjh nahi payi"..but trust me everyone including me finds it so embarrassing..and he does not know himself that his tone becomes sooo rude at times..i have started losing my confidence to speak in front of him when other family members are also sitting..i hesitate participating in discussions coz he insults me for every little thing i say..

5

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

how is your relationship with your husband otherwise?

You should actually talk to him about this..and if this hasn't worked, next time he says something taunting just don't talk to him for sometime and show that you are offended. You don't need to confront him but just staying quiet and showing you are offended should work.

Tell him that the husband and wife are a garment for each other. He shouldn't be making fun of you esp when you get hurt by such things

6

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

when we are alone,he is good infact great at times..but when in public,he is tooo bad.. it’s difficult to know what to do. if i come back at him with angry comment,then i am creating a public scene and it makes us both look bad plus other people are very uncomfortable. but if i do/say nothing,it makes me look/feel like a doormat, and husband does't even realize he did anything wrong..

7

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

if next time he say kaam ki na kaaj ki dushman anaaj, you can start laughing (zor zor say) and make situation more funnier. lets see if it works for you.

8

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

Instead of recognizing that something they do is hurtful to their spouse (whom they're supposed to love and respect), they get offended that someone gets hurt.....such people are so thick and messed up that they don't deserve to have any meaningful relationships

9

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

yes i tried this but i have realized that if i laugh,it gives him more space to say more stupid and insulting things..

10

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

so it is the matter of spontaneous and smooth tongue. you should visit life 1, humor and cafe gupshup forum regularly, kuch dino main app bhi chaloo hojao gi aur khoob jawab do gi kay appka husband lajwab hojaye ga aur aainda kuch bolnay say pehlay sochay ga kay yeh kahon ya nahi. :@:

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Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?


tell him why did he find a** 'KAAM WAALI' [maasii] *for himself...she would have matched him well...aur yeh bhii k...banda apna muNh kholne se pahle agar soch samajh le to shareef kahlaaye!*** :)**

12

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

Some guys are like that. They want to be seen as the controlling/in charge/dominant one in front of other people. He might be good to you alone and act up in front of others so people don't get the idea ke ye joru ka ghulaam hai.

Talk to him one on one and tell him ke jab aap dosron ke samnay battameezi karte hein to log sochtay hein ke iska shauhar kitna ajeeb sa hai. Apni bivi se kaise baat karta hai.

In front of others, ignore him. Completely. So he understands its not funny.

13

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

I would agree with Enigmatic , Every time this happens try giving him silent treatment for a few days to show him your disapproval of his behavior.
Even if he apologizes in private then tell him if he means it then he should not repeat this behavior again.

14

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

yes i did this..;ast time he insulted me alot in front of his own family by passing odd remarks about me and he made fun of me and everyone laughed and this kept on happening for 7-8 days (as they were at our home),then when they went back i told my husband how badly i was hurt and i even cried as i was deeply hurt..he said sorry and all and that "i didn't mean to hurt u ..i was just joking " bla bla..i told him plz dun crack jokes about me,it just makes me feel so bad..but again this continued to happen..

15

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

silent treatments aren't a good idea. seriously, it becomes an addat.

just talk to him.

Pakistanis should just stop getting married as teens and some of these issues would resolve themselves.

16

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

i am not a teen..i am 26 and my husband is also 26 and we got married this year..

17

Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

well, i wasn't directly referring to you :@:

but, yea talk to him! he probably thinks it's funny and entertains the audience...

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Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

The next time he insults you in front of someone.....why don't you call him on it? Tell him (in front of others)..."I'd appreciate it if u'd address your concerns with me in private like most respectable couples as opposed to embarrasing me AND especially yourself in front of your family and friends. "

Or maybe say, "Does it make you feel like more of a mard to act all tough and insult your wife in front of your family? Because what you're doing not only makes me look bad, it makes you look worse, and it's a gunnah. And to tell me after they leave that you were only joking is a lame reason for your behavior." Shut him up by giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Or if you don't want to try something that strong....tell him that you're tired of him abusing you in front of others and that you don't find this style of joking to be funny....and since he refuses to listen to you....then maybe you'll take a break and visit your parents and tell THEM about how you're being treated. Ask him how he'd feel about that? If he gets upset...then tell him "But...at least I won't be embarrassing you in front of my family...it will only be behind your back. Is that better?" Perhaps that might work. Men who feel the need to assert themselves by putting down their wives in front of their parents and siblings....are but 'lil boys. It makes me question what on earth went wrong in their upbringing to give them that idea.

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Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

Sounds like you have tried every trick mentioned so far so this is the last thing you can do to curb his verbal abuse and bullying in public:

You need to have a very serious talk with your husband. You need to tell him that you will no longer be treated like a punching bag. That is not what a good, healthy marriage is about. A marriage is love, understanding and mutual respect. If he cannot give that to you, let him know that you will leave. I am not saying this will be easy, but it will be worth it. Most things in life worth anything take a little work, but the rewards are priceless and immeasurable. This is regardless of whether the marriage stays intact or you leave; that will be up to him. Only he can change himself.

To continue like this does not help anyone. Not you, not him . Love does not hurt, but rather nurtures. He must cease all abuse, or you are out the door.
If you compromise and adjust then this verbal abuse might turn into physical abuse. This verbal abuse will make you so weak that you will tolerate his physical abuse too and would lose yourself as a person.

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Re: please tell me how should i deal with this?

how is your relationship with your husband? like are you guys friendly, do you guys joke around with each other? (when other people are not around) ?

If you really get offended with this attitude of his, you need to remind him every-time in no unclear terms that he is overstepping and you don't like it. Personally I'd not reply in same words but will give some attitude even in front of those guests so next time they dont pretend to enjoy any such comments.