Please help me find specific hadees or quraan sayings to support the right of a wife to have a separte house from the in laws. I know that women have the right to ask but need the hadees or quraan words to support. I am in a really bad situation right now and I have to get out of it please please please help. 
Re: please help
I found more verses / hadiths on forgiving, remaining patient & trying to live together peacefully (and the rewards of Allah (swt) in return), but as you insisted on having a separate living, I hope insha'Allah the following might help;
“It is necessary to provide the wife with shelter as Allah Most High Says: “Let the women live in the same stile as you live, according to your means. And annoy them not, so as to restrict them” (al-Talaq, 6). Quran
the Prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) said; "The best among you are those who have the kindest of behavior towards their wives, and they are the one who show the most perfect faith."
Support of one's wife is one of the most important obligations of the husband. It is one of the distinguishing aspects of "husbandhood". Allah said in the Qur'an:{Ar-rijaalu qawwaamoona 'alaa an-nisaa'i bimaa fadh-dhala Allahu ba'dhahum 'alaa ba'dhin wa bimaa anfaqoo min amwaalihim...}*{Men are in charge of women because of what Allah has given to some more than others and because they support them from their property.} *An-Nisaa:34
In a hadith recorded in Muslim and Bukhari, the Prophet (sas) told Hind bint Utbah, after she complained that her husband, Abu Sufyan, was stingy and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his property without his knowledge (which can also be applied for desiring a separate place to live):[INDENT]"Khudhiy maa yakfeeka wa waladaki bi al-ma'roofi"*"Take what is sufficient for you and your child according to what is customary." *Muslim & Bukhari[/INDENT]
[INDENT]Allah says, " *And they [women] have rights [over their husbands] similar to those over them according to what is reasonable (Quran 2:228)* "[/INDENT]
In the Hanafi school, the wife has a right to live (and demand to live) separately. It is the duty and responsibility of the husband to provide her with shelter (suknah). This shelter must, if she demands so, be free from the interference of any of the husband’s family. The responsibility of the husband will be fulfilled if the wife is provided with a separate area within the house, and where she is able to keep her belongings and where none of the husband’s family members are able to enter.
Imam al-Haskafi states in Durr al-Mukhtar:“It is necessary for the husband to provide the wife with a shelter (home) that is free from his and her family members…. taking into consideration both their economic standings. A separate quarter within the house that has a lock, separate bathroom and kitchen will be [minimally] sufficient.”The great Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) comments on this by saying:
“The reason behind al-Haskafi’s statement “Free from his family members” is that at times it may be harmful for her to share the house with other people, as her belongings may not be safe. Also, she will not able to enjoy her husband’s company in the presence of other people”.
Regarding al-Haskafi’s statement “Separate bathroom and kitchen”, this may defer from one family to another. Poor people who normally share these things with other families may find it difficult to provide a house with a separate bathroom and cooking area. Therefore, for them it will be sufficient to provide a separate quarter that has a lock” (Radd al-Muhtar 3/559-600).
Re: please help
JazakAllah brother. I love Islam.
Re: please help
The question is how are you planning to use this knowledge?
Re: please help
The question is how are you planning to use this knowledge?
See I am in a situation where I live with mother in law , father in law and two brother in laws, (43,28) one sister in law just came from pakistan. I used to work and my husband and I supported them all, even though they have good jobs. we all live in three bedroom townhose, imagin how we share bath room.... I have to always worry about my hijaab , libas...anyways there are many more problems than I can write abt. I spoke to my husband about getting a place close to his parents house he got really upset, (seeing that he doesnt want to leave his parents) I told him that I would take care of his parents they can live with us, he still did not agree beacuse his mother can not live without his other brothers. I then told him that it is my right in islaam to have a spearte house and he has to provide it beacuse he is financially capable of it. He said show me proof and thats what I have been gathering proof to show him....hopefully this will help....
Re: please help
^InshaAllah......it helped for me.
Re: please help
Indeed it is your right to ask for a seperate abode....
Furthermore it is not up to you to take care of his parents. Islamically he is the one that has to take care of his parents not you..neither can he force you to..if you do so then that is out of the goodness of your heart...
May Allah SWT grant us all peace in our matrimonial lives!
Re: please help
I found more verses / hadiths on forgiving, remaining patient & trying to live together peacefully (and the rewards of Allah (swt) in return), but as you insisted on having a separate living, I hope insha'Allah the following might help;
“It is necessary to provide the wife with shelter as Allah Most High Says: “Let the women live in the same stile as you live, according to your means. And annoy them not, so as to restrict them” (al-Talaq, 6). Quran
the Prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) said; "The best among you are those who have the kindest of behavior towards their wives, and they are the one who show the most perfect faith."
Support of one's wife is one of the most important obligations of the husband. It is one of the distinguishing aspects of "husbandhood". Allah said in the Qur'an:{Ar-rijaalu qawwaamoona 'alaa an-nisaa'i bimaa fadh-dhala Allahu ba'dhahum 'alaa ba'dhin wa bimaa anfaqoo min amwaalihim...}*{Men are in charge of women because of what Allah has given to some more than others and because they support them from their property.} *An-Nisaa:34
In a hadith recorded in Muslim and Bukhari, the Prophet (sas) told Hind bint Utbah, after she complained that her husband, Abu Sufyan, was stingy and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his property without his knowledge (which can also be applied for desiring a separate place to live):[INDENT]"Khudhiy maa yakfeeka wa waladaki bi al-ma'roofi"*"Take what is sufficient for you and your child according to what is customary." *Muslim & Bukhari[/INDENT]
[INDENT]Allah says, " *And they [women] have rights [over their husbands] similar to those over them according to what is reasonable (Quran 2:228)* "[/INDENT] In the Hanafi school, the wife has a right to live (and demand to live) separately. It is the duty and responsibility of the husband to provide her with shelter (suknah). This shelter must, if she demands so, be free from the interference of any of the husband’s family. The responsibility of the husband will be fulfilled if the wife is provided with a separate area within the house, and where she is able to keep her belongings and where none of the husband’s family members are able to enter.
Imam al-Haskafi states in Durr al-Mukhtar:“It is necessary for the husband to provide the wife with a shelter (home) that is free from his and her family members…. taking into consideration both their economic standings. A separate quarter within the house that has a lock, separate bathroom and kitchen will be [minimally] sufficient.”The great Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) comments on this by saying: “The reason behind al-Haskafi’s statement “Free from his family members” is that at times it may be harmful for her to share the house with other people, as her belongings may not be safe. Also, she will not able to enjoy her husband’s company in the presence of other people”. Regarding al-Haskafi’s statement “Separate bathroom and kitchen”, this may defer from one family to another. Poor people who normally share these things with other families may find it difficult to provide a house with a separate bathroom and cooking area. Therefore, for them it will be sufficient to provide a separate quarter that has a lock” (Radd al-Muhtar 3/559-600).
what i understand from this is that she needs to have a separate room and not necessarily a separate home....
especially in this day and age when cost of housing is so high, it'd be silly to say that the husband must provide a separate home for his wife....
also some tend to forget the obligation of the man to provide his parents with a house is greater than that of providing his wife with one....
so its totally wrong for a wife to demand from her husband to kick his parents out (which is almost always the case when such questions r put forward)....
Re: please help
Or move himself and his wife out so that the kicking out part doesnt occur...surely a man shouldnt be kicking out his parents....indeed they have rights!
But sometimes in this day and age women WANT to seperate, bad situation or not!
Re: please help
Not being stupid, but can you tell me where the husband has more duty to provide his parents with housing than his wife? I thought it was his obligation to provide for his wife seperate means of living, especially if the parents are source of problem. Plus moreso....typically don't the parents have their own home, rather should. Plus even if it is the son's duty to provide fo rparents, surely it can't be duty of 1 son and all others just sit back & relax?
Re: please help
From what I understand in the Quran, the duty of a man as husband and father is greater than as a son or brother. This alone should be sufficient, however it is implemented without violating the tenets of the humanism.
What I am trying to say is, if he cannot afford another house, then driving parents out of the house for sake of wife (and vice versa) is wrong too... but a clear cash-flow setting must be established (who supports who).
Can you give more insight into what are your in-laws like? Is your husband the only son, how many sisters, do they work etc... the whole family has to contribute IMO but I know cultural bounds in Pakistan. They are due for a change.
Re: please help
what i understand from this is that she needs to have a separate room and not necessarily a separate home....
especially in this day and age when cost of housing is so high, it'd be silly to say that the husband must provide a separate home for his wife....
also some tend to forget the obligation of the man to provide his parents with a house is greater than that of providing his wife with one.... so its totally wrong for a wife to demand from her husband to kick his parents out (which is almost always the case when such questions r put forward)....
No one here said kicking out parents from the house.....
Separate bathroom is as necessary as a separate bed room.
If the man is so poor that he can't provide privacy to his wife then he shouldn't get married.
Re: please help
If the man is so poor that he can't provide privacy to his wife then he shouldn't get married.
I think this is a very important point. Being self-sufficient, and then being able to support a family is vital before marriage. Excellent!
Re: please help
You guys should read the post #5 posted by the thread opner where she has clearly stated the situation of the house and who are family members, why they are living in one house and what problem she is facing.
From that post I gathered that the husband do not want to live in a seprate home without the parents. He wants to live in the same house where the parents and other family members can live even though wife is WILLING to take care of his parents if he gets a seprate home where only she, him and the inlaws resides. Also she stated that the husband is well off and he can afford plus she stated the other borther in laws are working and mking money so surely they can afford a house or even rent an appartment on their own but it seems like they are taking advantage of the LOVE that the big brother has for the family.
I see the huby is mistaken here and should try to work things out properly and I would agree with the lady what she has suggested. But it seems like huby has too much love for the family and is unable to see where he is doing something wrong unless there is another side of the story. May Allah help them and keep the shaytan out of this.
Re: please help
what i understand from this is that she needs to have a separate room and not necessarily a separate home....
especially in this day and age when cost of housing is so high, it'd be silly to say that the husband must provide a separate home for his wife....
also some tend to forget the obligation of the man to provide his parents with a house is greater than that of providing his wife with one.... so its totally wrong for a wife to demand from her husband to kick his parents out (which is almost always the case when such questions r put forward)....
His obligation is to his parents NOT to his married brothers and their family. He is paying for everything.....and they are not contributing financially in any way. Chamali wears hijab and she is living in a 3 bedroom (?) townhome with non-mehrem men sharing bathrooms with them. Surely the husband can come up with a solution to this...no?
Re: please help
:k:^
but i want to mention this is not just any wife…this is a wife who wears hijab for God’s sake! Privacy is an important issue here especially for a woman wearing hijab.
Re: please help
From what I understand in the Quran, the duty of a man as husband and father is greater than as a son or brother. This alone should be sufficient, however it is implemented without violating the tenets of the humanism.
What I am trying to say is, if he cannot afford another house, then driving parents out of the house for sake of wife (and vice versa) is wrong too... but a clear cash-flow setting must be established (who supports who).
Can you give more insight into what are your in-laws like? Is your husband the only son, how many sisters, do they work etc... the whole family has to contribute IMO but I know cultural bounds in Pakistan. They are due for a change.
Well said brother.
If you go to chamali's profile and read the threads started by her, you'll get to know the whole story inshaAllah.
Re: please help
His obligation is to his parents NOT to his married brothers and their family. He is paying for everything.....and they are not contributing financially in any way. Chamali wears hijab and she is living in a 3 bedroom (?) townhome with non-mehrem men sharing bathrooms with them. Surely the husband can come up with a solution to this...no?
Good points sis. I think even there're only parents in law living with you in a house with only one bathroom, you still need a separate bathroom...attached to your bedroom.
Re: please help
Good points sis. I think even there're only parents in law living with you in a house with only one bathroom,** you still need a separate bathroom...attached to your bedroom.**
agreed....isnt that what is meant by having separate quarters for the wife?
Re: please help
What I am trying to say is, if he cannot afford another house, then driving parents out of the house for sake of wife (and vice versa) is wrong too... but a clear cash-flow setting must be established (who supports who).
if his married (fully employed) brothers who are living the same house with them would contribute financially (which from my understanding are not) then chamali's husband would be able to afford a separate living quarters for his wife....be it a separate house, a guest suite attached to the house, a separate floor or even something as simple as a bedroom with an attached bathroom.
**Chamali **I really hope that you somehow get out of this situation with ease and your husband becomes a bit more understanding of your Islamic rights as his wife inshAllah.