Hi allI need some I had an arranged marriage 3 years ago . The thing is my husband is nice and shareef person but the problem I have been facing with him since I got married is that I think he is still in his bachelor life mode where he comes home from work does his own thing like eat pray and then go to bed rite at ten at nite does not talk much nvr says that he loves me or compliments me . If I tell him to talk to me or stay up a little he just bluntly says no cuz for him sleep and his routine are very very imp. When i try to talk to him it is very hard to carry a conversation with him cuz he is always lost in his own thoughts it is very hard to get a reply from him .So I need any tips from you all to help me with this situation . Is this normal or something to be concerned about. What should I do?
Re: Please help me
Try to have a conversation at dinner time.
Re: Please help me
Is he a generally moody person or does he become like this when he is with you. How is he on weekends. Find out his interests. Try engaging him in conversations regarding his interests.
Try to do something together. Cultivate a hobby like playing tennis or something with him.
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Perhaps he has Asperger's
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Does he work? Does he need to be up early for that?
Also, does he spend time with his friends/outside of the home?
Do you share anything in common? Perhaps you need to chat about stuff in general and THEN start talking feelings.
My OH has never been a 'feelings' type of person however he is now adapting to our toddler daughter who says "love you baba" and expects an answer back. I've been married for nearly 7 years! Some people are not wired or have not been taught to express themselves.
Don't lose heart; try taking small steps are see how it goes.
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Have you heard of lingerie?
Please help me
I'm sure you have but have you tried telling him how you feel? If you havnt then start there and do not say "you don't do this or that" try phrasing it so your not putting the blame on him but more so how your feeling about the lack of interaction.
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I'm sure you have but have you tried telling him how you feel? If you havnt then start there and do not say "you don't do this or that" try phrasing it so your not putting the blame on him but more so how your feeling about the lack of interaction.
^Ditto. Start with something positive; negativity isn't what you want especially if you are looking for a change in how he deals with you/talks etc.
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See I disagree with everyone, this is pure BS. Why should just ONE spouse have to do all the work and put all the effort in? Theek hai, if he wants to be a jerk, start showing interest in some other na mehraam, then see how interested he'll become in talking to you and staying up late. Such typical pakistani guy nonsense, na mard.
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Its an arrange marriage so just because you have feelings for him doesnt mean he has feelings for you.
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^ Sad but true.
He may be very introverted and some people cannot deviate from their routine. They need order in their lives.
It sounds like you guys need different amounts of conversation and engagement. This can't continue for the sake of your marriage but try to walk in his shoes for a day and figure out how you can get him more engaged in the life you both share.
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See I disagree with everyone, this is pure BS. Why should just ONE spouse have to do all the work and put all the effort in? Theek hai, if he wants to be a jerk, start showing interest in some other na mehraam, then see how interested he'll become in talking to you and staying up late. Such typical pakistani guy nonsense, na mard.
No harm in trying though? Rather than potentially living with regret of not trying perhaps a bit of extra effort would pay off?
I'm sure OP knows the score better than us advising anyway.
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If you really want to discuss these things with him, pick a weekend or a day he's off and start with something good... Don't start nagging him from the get. The reason I say pick a day he's not been at work is because the last thing anyone (man or woman) wants to hear after a long effing day of work is nag, nag, nag. Trust me.
Re: Please help me
See I disagree with everyone, this is pure BS. Why should just ONE spouse have to do all the work and put all the effort in? Theek hai, if he wants to be a jerk, start showing interest in some other na mehraam, then see how interested he'll become in talking to you and staying up late. Such typical pakistani guy nonsense, na mard.
I'm sure she is not asking for a divorce advice.
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I'm sure she is not asking for a divorce advice.
And that's not what he's advising is he?
I agree with aahmed here.
My advice is...stop obsessing over him and get involved in other things. When he sees you can have a life of your own with or without him..........that's when the romance will start.
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And that's not what he's advising is he?
I agree with aahmed here.
My advice is...stop obsessing over him and get involved in other things. When he sees you can have a life of your own with or without him..........that's when the romance will start.
So flirting with other man will make her husband realize his mistakes, considering he is already not crazy for her?
Re: Please help me
And that's not what he's advising is he?
I agree with aahmed here.
My advice is...stop obsessing over him and get involved in other things. When he sees you can have a life of your own with or without him..........that's when the romance will start.
But the aggression fairly seethes through, doesn't it?
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Astagfaar . . . with this kind of advice I am so banning GS at home .
Beghummm . . . uthao boriya bistra aur niklo GS sa . anak theek karaying
Re: Please help me
ok first of all it depends on what kind of work he does...i mean if he's pulling 14 hour shifts, then all he might want to do is come home and relax...when people are tired they tend to talk less....
-Is he quiet and non-social just around you, or is he like that with everyone? does he talk to his family/friends? if he's like that with everyone, then thats his personality... to remedy that, like someone else also said, try to find common interests...(what he likes to eat, lingere, hobbies/sports, books, movies , video games lol) if there are things you can watch together, then you could enjoy those together...spending time together doesnt mean you have to talk the whole time....or if he likes to eat something, cook that and ask him if he enjoyed it...good food makes most ppl happy.
-if he's non-social and quiet only around you...well then there's a bigger problem and you might have to dig deeper to figure out the cause.