Please help me

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Please help me

nvm

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Re: Please help me

This is the worst thing you can do while having a fairly good marriage. We don't know the whole story yet, only one sided stuff. Even if I want to belive that this guy is jerk, you never ever want to have an affair just to make a point. Your reputation will be ruined forever and that would never heal. Having said that, if you were in western world, I would say go see a therapist or check his past if he is a quite guy? Start with baby steps to make him love you. Make some of his fav foods, talk to his mother/family and be very nice to them. Even if he is not in good mood tell him how you spent ur day, force it, make it short. But don't complain, and never giveup. He probably is going through the same phenomena of arrange marriage, help him understand that this is life let's make the best of it. I also disagree " typical Pakistani guy, nonsense, na marad" comment, absolutely wrong.

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Re: Please help me

Pakigirl33: According to your post history, you have a 8-month old daughter right? Does your husband spend ANY time with her at all? You wrote in your other thread in the parenting forum “We put saline drops…”…who is “we”? Your husband and you? Are you able to discuss issues with the baby with him? How many hours a day does he work?

I find it amazing that your husband can keep up with his previous “routine” and sleep peacefully with a new baby in the house. :konfused: Unless you guys have a huge house with tons of help…the men I know with newborns in the house experience definite changes in their homelife once a baby comes in the picture.

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Re: Please help me

I forgot another point:
1: Make a list of things that you will say, and how often you can and how often he will let you say: I mean, tell him "I love you, I miss you, your lil princess called your name, simple adjectives, expect a very harsh reaction from him in short term, even if you DON'T love him, still say that, even if you don't care about him, still show that you care.
Best of luck!!
May Allah show us the right path and encourage us to follow that!!

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Re: Please help me

I'm sorry, maybe you live in a world where a marriage is considered "fairly good" when the husband has no affection for his wife, doesn't spend any time with her, doesn't show any love towards her, and basically wants to have not much to do with her.

The world I live in, it is not the sole responsibility of ONE spouse to try to maintain the marriage. The OP should weigh her options and ignore the jerk, if he doesn't come around, yeah, maybe a divorce IS in order before kids are in the picture. This "saving a marriage for the sake of log kya kahain gay" is BS and why should one spouse suffer an absolutely loveless marriage for the sake of log. Get out now if it's not too late. < all of this after you've given him enough time to adjust and put enough effort into it, if he still doesn't reciprocate then to hell with him. He is a na mard.

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Re: Please help me

Sawariya Bol- Had Kar Di Aapne (English Subtitles) - YouTube

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Re: Please help me

**
Cosmo magazine advice. Suitable for young teens trying to catch their crush's attention but not for mature married couples.

Either you are treated with respect and have your presence at the very minimum voluntarily acknowledged by your partner or you make a decision: you're going to continue living life as a second hand resident in your house or you break free out of it. None of this playing hard to get (doesn't work when he already 'got' you).

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Re: Please help me

Do songs solve all the problems in your world?

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Re: Please help me

No but it does lighten up the mood.:)

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Re: Please help me

Op, have you tried talking to him about how his behavior is making you feel? If not, try that. There are various ways to deal with the issue, but I agree with Falto that flirting with other men can backfire big time. Yesterday, a poster mentioned in her thread that when she tries to take a break from her husband, he interprets that as her wanting to end the relationship. That said, you don't know hoe the other person will interpret your actions. There's a chance that flirting with another guy can make matters worse, lead to trust issues, and hurt her image within the family should the argument spread that far. Plus, we don't know what the husband's temperament is like. It's one thing if the OP were to tell her husband in an off-hand way how attentive another guy is to his wife.....but to see your spouse initiating the flirting with someone else and reciprocating in kind.....that's hurtful/wrong. The OP would be fighting her husband's wrong with a wrong of her own.

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Re: Please help me

So many replies and not even once has the thread opener thought it prudent to reply. I think the post is by some troll who has nothing else to do in the world. She would rather post some imaginary situation and wonder whether the rest of the posters have a life outside of GS.

Paheli you have a good knack of catching the unexpected.

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Re: Please help me

Thanks everybody for all the tips and advice.some of the answers to the questions asked . My husband and I don't have any common interests umm the only interest he has other than his job,eating and sleeping are cars which Iam not very fond of. I do cook different kinds of foods to make him happy and he does say that he likes my cooking every so often but then again that's pretty much it ,not enough to carry a conversation. I do have a daughter and yes he has never ever stayed up for her even once ,infact he asked me to leave and sleep in the other room till my daughter started sleeping through the nite. I do try and tell him that I love him but he never says it cuz he doesn't find it imp to say it ,he says that I should know that he loves me .I would still try some tips given and see how things would work

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Re: Please help me

maybe you weren’t aware, but music is also haram.

maybe you should stop being a hypocrite?

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I'm sure that Reha can speak for herself but I can't imagine that she would ever suggest that any wife actively go and seek out an affair or even a flirtation to win over her husband's affection.

My interpretation of what she was suggesting was that the OP use a little bit of psychology in her approach to a resolution. This is not so far off the mark. If the guy is truly busy or pre-occupied with work etc then nagging him a la guppan-who-moved-from-pak-to-UK for attention isn't going to go over very well. But seeing that she is busy with her own interests and activities and doesn't really "need" his affection to thrive may render her more "attractive" to him. It's not uncommon for guys to find independent and self-sufficient women quite attractive. Perhaps that's his taste....?

My personal opinion would be to first find a suitable opportunity to have a heart to heart talk. Perhaps some isolated time for just the two of them on an afternoon outing. Gently find out if there's something specific on his mind and let him know what's on yours'.

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Re: Please help me

some habit of yours irks him...try to pinpoint it.

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Re: Please help me

:hehe:

no way

it disturbs him so much

i think he’s only self centred person , or maybe a careless person by nature

so don;t worry , there’s nothing wrong

but do find out a way to or reasons to be even with him

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Re: Please help me

I thought the same too and wondered how anyone can come to that conclusion based on what she wrote but then I saw the other post she was agreeing with (aahmed's) which said she should flirt with a na-mehram.

Still don't see why he picked on Reha's post and not the original post she was agreeing with bc anyone can clearly see...she was in no way suggesting that.

Another theory be: Woman with life of her own = flirting and cheating on the dude. Sadly, some people have that kind of mentality. kya kar sakte hain.

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Re: Please help me

To clarify in case there is any confusion....my post wasn't directed at Reha.

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U see im sort of the way ur husband is.. Though still single and young but often worry .if or how my future husband is gonna tolerate me ? i mean im a girl.... im usually a self-indulgent person and dosent talk much and am also a serious person.

Try telling him about ur issue... there should be a compromise. He should give u time and try to make you feel like he is married to you..... see! this is what i dont like, men always gets spared and they live life like the way they want to. & the girl is the one to suffer.

40

The fact that you say you love him and that he says that you should know that he loves you makes me think that it is personality differences and possibly family culture and cultural differences.

Since you said he is punctual in his routine & prayers, I would guess that religion means something to him. Is religion an interest of his? Islam have women, rights & dignity during a time when women were abused. Even now Islam can help women get the love & respect they deserve from their husbands and in-laws. All of us can always learn something new. In another thread called “Issues Creeped In”, Madz posted 10 pieces of advice Imam Ahmed gave his son when he was getting married. I suggest that you and your husband choose an interest such as learning about Islam to build your relationship. A good place to start may be Imam Ahmad’s letter, roles and responsibilities of a husband and wide.

And just because a man prays daily doesn’t mean that he knows his roles and responsibility according to Islam and does right by the people in his life.