I realised I am naive and immature with regards to what married life is about/will be about.
I thought I was unsure about the rishta but infact I am unsure and dont really understand what married life is about.
To me married life would give me a new friend who I love talking to, give me the opportunity to travel because I have really been allowed to venture off on my own . I thought it would be fun and improve my life for the better.
But after speaking to a few people who are married or maybe older than me they tell me that really all you need is someone who provides for you and respects you..nothing else. Married life is about the daily grind and practicalities, its not about sitting having discussions with your husband or going on holiday or doing new things. Its about making it work practically every day.
I obviously live in some fantasy land and I didn’t know I was like this until now. sigh.
When you go to restaurants and see couples who arent talking just eating then leave. Thats my worst nightmare. But maybe thats just reality?
i m not married yet, but it is my understanding that couples are not necessarily fun 24*7. they fight, argue, judge, baby sitting, working, cooking and loads of other stuff.
depends on your husband, if you're lucky he'll also be your best friend or at least have the same definition of marriage, but even if he doesn't, it doesn't stop from encouraging him to do all the things you wish to do and inshallah he'll enjoy all that if he cares about your happiness.
people in general will have all types of opinions about marriage which is normal, the only thing to remember is that marriage is a lot of hard work and there will be ups and downs and unnecessary fights but that's how you'll learn and know you spouse better.
why not talk about it to him during your first date ?:p
I’m glad you asked that question, Inspiron. I feel exactly the same, I don’t feel clued up as I think I should be. I mean I expect all the falling out and that, but I’m sure the picture in my head is too rosy. :hinna:
Just let it be and go with the flow, everything will fall into place. I think you are over thinking this because it's arranged. It's rare that we fall in love with the 'perfect' person - yes, you feel they are perfect for you but whether they tick all the 'perfect partner' boxes you may have had before meeting them is another question.
I think your real issue is kinda like buying a house - you're wondering if there is better out there for your money.
You need all the things you mentioned in a marriage but the important ones are treating each other with respect and being able to deal with daily life. In the profession you are both in, you're going to be extremely busy and then yes, a lot of your discussions are going to revolve around practical things. When you have free time, you will be enjoying spending time together and doing things together. You don't have to have everything in common to enjoy doing things together.
Anyway, if travel is really important to you, find out his views soon. Some people are really not bothered about travelling and if you are hoping that the holiday time you both have is spent abroad, whereas he has other intentions, then that's something to discuss.
marriage, your gonna go through the good, the bad the ugly so when you accept him you accept everything. At the moment he's just a 'rishta', when you guys have more of a bond you will feel differently about him...it's normal to have doubts and fears in the period you guys are in. As Stoppit said, go with the flow and don't over analyse otherwise every little thing will start bugging you. He obviously hasn't shown you everything about himself yet and i'm sure more is yet to come with time...
Marriage can be really beautiful too. It is not just about providing for each other - it can definitely be about having good conversations, travelling etc. It totally depends on what YOU and the guy want out of your marriage. I have many friends who are living a much more productive and fun-filled life after their marriage than before. However, you need to be get to know the guy a little bit before your marriage and ask him what he wants out of a marriage and also looking at his daily lifestyle prior to marriage will give you an idea of what he wants out of his life and relationships.
"When you go to restaurants and see couples who arent talking just eating then leave. Thats my worst nightmare."
The best moments are when one is in the house with one's spouse - no words exchanged - time spent reading, or watching a movie, or doing daily chores. When there is a good understanding, constant conversation is not necessary. In that same vein, a couple going to a restaurant, eating their meal peacefully, and leaving, may look aloof to others - but they could be having the time of their lives.
yeah like i know i have to cook and clean and will argue, but you know, i think i have some misconceptions. Im glad im not the only one DP.
I don't think we're the only ones, lol. I guess it's one of those things where you have to experience it yourself. In the meantime, I will continue to wear my rose tinted glasses and continue to view the world in this way. :) Afterall, it won't last long will it? Lol.
"When you go to restaurants and see couples who arent talking just eating then leave. Thats my worst nightmare."
The best moments are when one is in the house with one's spouse - no words exchanged - time spent reading, or watching a movie, or doing daily chores. When there is a good understanding, constant conversation is not necessary. In that same vein, a couple going to a restaurant, eating their meal peacefully, and leaving, may look aloof to others - but they could be having the time of their lives.
@OP ask those married people to get a life.
When you are married , you have fun , you chit chat , you go for long drives , you go to picnics , you go to movies , you go to concerts , you go to art gallerias, you go to museums, you hang around each other , you tease each other and when some time is left :
you you make your bed , you cook and you clean.
Those who do not have that kind of married lives they need to get a life.
Your "reality" is what you make it. The scenario you described where a couple doesn't talk while out at dinner....that's THEIR reality. Yet in my relationship...and out of the couples we hang out with....it's complete opposite.
As for travel, since I've been in my relationship....I've been to 3 different countries and have taken NUMEROUS trips within the U.S. Travel was also important to me and I made sure my partner was someone who enjoyed travelling. Yes there are some people who simply dislike travelling and don't have any interest in seeing new places. If this is a priority to you....then as your potential rishta how often he travels now....which places he has visited etc.
After all....if a potential rishta tells you right then that he hates flying, or has NEVER taken a vacation to another country etc.....well then you shouldn't be too shocked if he doesn't want to travel after marriage right?
As someone else said....I think you're over analyzing all this and expecting some sort of "guarantee" in the rishta. A happy marriage is all about compromises. You will not find the "perfect" man. While choosing a life partner, just make sure you know what YOU want in a marriage....and decide what are "deal breakers" for you. Do NOT compare your relationships to other people's. That's when you get into trouble..lol. :)
Inspirion, I definately have the same views about marriage as you. I'm a total hopeless romantic and sometimes I get scared too because it seems my view of marriage is total departure from the realities of most marriages. However, I feel like if you meet the right person who has similar intrests and hopes as you do then it should be fine iA! I really hope everything works out for you and that you get everything you dreamed of!
inspiron if this helps you ..i had a total arranged marriage too and i was equally scared about these things that you mentioned. Plus I felt naive and immature too.
But now Alhamdullilah i think i have found a great friend, we hangout , we eat out , watch movies, joke around and do alot of positive constructive stuff together :)
Good luck ! IA everything would go great for you :)
Yes, I long for those moments and it sucks because I never had it I can’t have that ever.. I am obnoxious otherwise. I can’t stop talking to him and he just looks at my face and then the time hoping for me to shut up at some point..but that’s my favorite part!!!
I love spending time with him, he is my best buddy!
