I have this situation on my hand. I have two friends and those two friends are best friends. Both of them are my friends too. One of them came to me and she wanted my input in to this, but I am confused as to how I should advise her. Will you guys hear me out and share your thoughts?
Girl A and Girl S right?
Girl A recently got engaged and she is very happy. Got the man of her dreams, parents accepted the decision of the kids and the whole thing. A is on cloud 9 and very happy. She wants to announce this to every one and wants to scream and shout kind of thing. SHE IS ABSOLUTELY GOING CRAZY that she got engaged. Very very happy and smiling these days and preparing for her wedding now too.
On the other hand we have Girl S. She was duped by her boy friend. Broke up with him. After going the whole 9 yards (THE WHOLE THING, DONE EVERYTHING) and is very down these days. She talks about hating love and hating men and the whole thing that happens when someone gets dumped and that also a desi chick who done everything. Anyway so point is, she is really really miserable these days.
I have two contrasting people and characters here. One is very happy and just got engaged and her best friend is very miserable and got dumped around the same time. NOW! A wants to share her happiness with S as S is her best friend and all. S has no idea A got the rishta and accepted it, she has no idea A is technically engaged and is on her way to getting married soon.
A came to me and asked me if a) She should tell S or not about her engagement and happiness reasons b) If yes then how should she approach S, seeing S is so down and miserable these days.
A doesn’t wanna hide it as well since S is her best friend and she would feel bad if S found out from someone else and if S got offended that A didn’t tell her herself. Blah blah. So what do I tell A??
There is no need for A to hide. In fact A can hide as much from S but S is eventually going to find out (we are not talking about a pimple on a butt cheek that she can hide, this is an engagement that we are talking about) and when she does, she will be even more heart broken.
That is what I was thinking too. I told A that but A is afraid to approach S, since S is like all down because of men these days. She doesn't want to upset S any further. I agree with your thinking.
If they are best friends then I think they'll be happy with each others' choices and decisions and hence there should be no issue, my thinking anyway!
Yeah well I love to use those. That is baad ki baat. First she has to break it to S that she (A) is engaged now! God no, A is not me. I am too old and OVER the whole drama thing.
lol @ your situational cliches...kher ask A to take S on a double date and get her hooked her up to his fiance's best buddy.
ps. i hope A is not you :D. and your friends are quite a drama.
LMFAO at pimple on butt cheek facepalm Yeah that was what I was thinking too, if S found out from someone else, she would be heart broken and offended that A didn't tell her herself.
There is no need for A to hide. In fact A can hide as much from S but S is eventually going to find out (we are not talking about a pimple on a butt cheek that she can hide, this is an engagement that we are talking about) and when she does, she will be even more heart broken.
I agree.
S should be happy for A, A had her own life which isn't connected to what S's romantic life is like at the moment. It might even help her feel better.
it's important to be there for your friends in happiness and sorrow, but i think right now S really needs her friends. she is going through a very hard time, thus helping her out should be your first priority. Firstly you should help S forget about the whole thing and start anew. She has made a huge mistake but there is no use crying over spilled milk... she'll just have to get on with her life. I know its easier said than done but you really have to try. The whole engagement thing could also be used as a distraction for S, since friends really enjoy their best friend's weddings - but I think you should delay telling her as much as possible since she needs time to heal. You can tell her a week before the wedding but right now it'll just deepen her wound even if they are best friends. Yes she might feel bad that you kept it from her later, but it's for the best. It was just bad timings for things to happen - A will have to bear the absence of her friend's enthusiasm for the marriage.
Wow, I really like what you have to say, especially towards the end. So in your opinion, we should delay telling S? It has already been 3 days, how much longer? A week? I am just afraid that S might start thinking negatively about A. Like you know things like "isko apni khushi ki parhi hai, doesn't she know what I am going through?" and stuff like this. I am just afraid for their friendship, even a single small thing can **break friendships these days. **I have been through a lot of **broken **friendships, so I know how misunderstandings are created etc.
This is why I was confused as well, about what to tell A. I think no matter what, A should wait a little and then tell S. Maybe first console S and let her have the satisfaction that friends are around her, in her time of need. I have also been talking to S a lot, as she is one of my best friends and well she is very down and I hate the way she is talking these days. I am just afraid, she might take this good news in the wrong way.
Thank you for your comment though, puts things in to perspective. Will think about it a bit more. Whether to tell A to tell her immediately or wait a bit. Oh and the most important aspect of this all, how to approach S and actually TELL her.
it's important to be there for your friends in happiness and sorrow, but i think right now S really needs her friends. she is going through a very hard time, thus helping her out should be your first priority. Firstly you should help S forget about the whole thing and start anew. She has made a huge mistake but there is no use crying over spilled milk... she'll just have to get on with her life. I know its easier said than done but you really have to try. The whole engagement thing could also be used as a distraction for S, since friends really enjoy their best friend's weddings - but I think you should delay telling her as much as possible since she needs time to heal. You can tell her a week before the wedding but right now it'll just deepen her wound even if they are best friends. Yes she might feel bad that you kept it from her later, but it's for the best. It was just bad timings for things to happen - A will have to bear the absence of her friend's enthusiasm for the marriage.
**"A came to me and asked me if a) She should tell S or not about her engagement and happiness reasons b) If yes then how should she approach S, seeing S is so down and miserable these days. "
"A" should tell "S" about her engagement. She need not go into an explanation of her "happiness reasons".....but it's better if she informs her friend. If S were to find out from other sources.....it's likely to do more damage than good. Then the question will come up as to "Why did you exclude me from this news?" And what would A say then? If she were to respond with, "Oh...but you were dumped...and didn't have a guy in your life like I do....so I just didn't feel comfortable telling you about it." That explanation can be taken for pity....and it can make one feel worse. It's better to tell S about it.
She can approach "S" by first asking her how she's doing/holding up. "A" can even ask "S" if there anything she can do to help her feel better about the break up......she can let "S" know that she's there for her.......and she can encourage "S" by telling her that she WILL eventually find the right person when it's meant to be. I think that if she starts the discussion in this way....it shows that she's not only concerned about her own happiness....but also cares about her friend. So start it off by talking to S about how she's doing, etc. And then very calmly...."A" can let "S" know that she wants to share some good news with her (S)......and that since "S" is her best friend and like her sister....she's among the first people that she want to tell and wants her to be a part of this happiness." "A" doesn't have to clap her hands, scream, and do cartwheels. She can calmly share her news and balance it out by asking "S" about her life.
S will be hurt if A doesnot tell her now since they are really good friends.
i'll say A should just simply tell her that her marriage has been settled but tell A to not tell with a lot of excitement because S is already depressed so she might not understand her happiness at this stage. plus A could even take her out somewhere and tell her u are the first person i am telling this to.
A should involve S in her marriage preparations so that S is distracted from her own dilemma.
"A" should tell "S" about her engagement. She need not go into an explanation of her "happiness reasons".....but it's better if she informs her friend. If S were to find out from other sources.....it's likely to do more damage than good. Then the question will come up as to "Why did you exclude me from this news?" And what would A say then? If she were to respond with, "Oh...but you were dumped...and didn't have a guy in your life like I do....so I just didn't feel comfortable telling you about it." That explanation can be taken for pity....and it can make one feel worse. It's better to tell S about it.
She can approach "S" by first asking her how she's doing/holding up. "A" can even ask "S" if there anything she can do to help her feel better about the break up......she can let "S" know that she's there for her.......and she can encourage "S" by telling her that she WILL eventually find the right person when it's meant to be. I think that if she starts the discussion in this way....it shows that she's not only concerned about her own happiness....but also cares about her friend. So start it off by talking to S about how she's doing, etc. And then very calmly...."A" can let "S" know that she wants to share some good news with her (S)......and that since "S" is her best friend and like her sister....she's among the first people that she want to tell and wants her to be a part of this happiness." "A" doesn't have to clap her hands, scream, and do cartwheels. She can calmly share her news and balance it out by asking "S" about her life.
agreed. exactly what i wanted to say but you have explained it in more detail.
*I think A should tell S since you said their both really good friends ....if tehir both really good friends s will be really happy .. but i think A should not really be allcrazy and way too excited and happy front of S , cuz that will make her feel bad .. Just tell S about A's engagement so she doesn't feel like no one told her and she was totaly left out .. ye alol this is what i think. *
Sometimes i think women make situation awkward themselves. Both are friends and i am sure there must have been degree of respect with each other. However, if one is happy and other one should be happy for her.
Sometimes i think women make situation awkward themselves. Both are friends and i am sure there must have been degree of respect with each other. However, if one is happy and other one should be happy for her.
Exactly, if they really are best friends then A shouldn't have anything to worry about when telling S, and S despite her own problems must feel happy for A.
well A shouldn't hide from S. No doubt she's gonna show her from the outside that she's happy, but from the inside she'll get even more broken after what she went through.. but truly, best friends should share the happiness together no matter how hurt they are from the inside...
A should talk to S and S should in return understand and be happy about it and i think she well,although shes angry and hurt, A is still her best friend!
But just to be on the safe side, she can wait for a few days, maybe take her out ,make her feel better and then break the news..