Hello everyone!
So I need your advice! I met this guy and he is 28 years old, and he is an engineer by profession (he graduated with his degree in states) and is currently doing his MBA and has a good job Alhumdiallah. We live in the same city and I met him through my sister.
He has been divorced once, couple of years back and has a green card which he got through his ex-wife, but he told me that is not the reason for their divorce. He said they had a huge age difference and she lied to him all the times and the girl’s parents were not supportive of their marriage even though it was arranged because they expected a lot from him financially back then so they got divorced. They were married for 2 years but only lived together for 5-6months according to him.
We both share the same religion but he is a Punjabi and I am Urdu speaking. His parents are in Saudi and he is looking to apply for citizenship and bring them here soon, inshallah. Currently, he lives with his brother and SIL and is waiting to get married so he can move out and get his own house. He is looking to get remarried soon because he does not want to wait too long until he is thirty. When he spoke to my sister as a friend, he told her he was looking for an educated girl from a good family but not older than 24 and I am 25. My sister never mentioned him to me because she didn’t want me to consider a divorcee and thinks I can do better.
Anyway, all of us ended up hanging out one day and he later texted my sister saying that he is interested in me and would like to get to know me. Now my oldest sister, who also knows him, was already upset with him because his mom wanted to talk to our mom to see if she knows of any girls younger than 24 looking to get married. My sister thought that was rude of her to ask because in my household we are three girls and I am the youngest and she is oldest and none of us are married yet. Anyway, so when he told my other sister he wanted to get to know me, she told my older sister, and my older sister made a huge fuss about it saying he is very rude and that is not the right way to do things, he is your friend and he was eyeing your sister and she went on and on. She told my other sister to ignore him and never talk to him and told me to avoid him as well. Well this guy kept messaging my sister asking her if she is mad and he is sorry but she ignored him, so he messaged me and I ignored him for sometime but then I felt bad so I responded and told him the situation. He said he would like to get to know me without getting my sisters upset so I agreed.
We have only been talking for a week and half and I really like him, the only problem is that both of us dont want to continue the relationship in a non halal manner, and he wants to get married within the end of this year and I am okay with that.
He does have certain conditions though, like I cannot wear sleeveless or skirts, or he would prefer that I speak in Urdu in the house and I am okay with that. He said he is focused on building a family and would like me to have a kid within the first 6 months to year of our marriage, and I am not sure if I should be okay with that because I have a career and I know after becoming a mother my priorities will have to change. I asked him if I can work after I have a kid and he said yes that should be fine after a year or so with the baby.
Now the real problem is that I dont know how to bring him up to my parents. Is it too soon to even mention him? I dont know how my sisters will react because they told me not to talk to him and I still did. In my family the youngest cannot get married before the oldest is married but my oldest sister is 29 and she is having a hard time finding someone and because of that my other sister and I are sitting at home getting older. I have had rishtas come for me but my mom has rejected all of them because she says the oldest has to get married first because if I get married before her the oldest one will be embarrassed and will never be able to get married. I dont know what to do about this mentality because my mom does not realize that because of that, the other two are getting older and then they will have a hard time finding rishtas.
As far as my background, I am 25 years old and I have a reputable degree and a good career and I am always getting proposals from guys but I didn’t consider them because I just can’t seem to trust anyone, but this guy seemed different. In the past I was in a long term relationship but it didn’t work out for me because the guy was extremely possessive and didn’t think logically. He had this mentality that “I dont care if I have job or not, If Allah wants me to live it will happen” which didn’t make sense to me because that is not how mature people think. He became very stubborn and always tried using Islam in his defense and never used logical thinking. I was in love with him for 6 years but I knew my family didn’t approve of him because we fought so much and I had to let him go. I am still in the recovering process of letting him go and he still bothers me with phone calls and texts and I can’t stand it because I dont love him anymore, I hate him for harassing me like this.
I know this is a very long post but I really need advice. Should I consider this new guy or am I just moving too fast? I just dont want to wait around and end up in a non halal situation. And if I do consider him, what is a good way to bring him up to my sisters without making them mad and how can I convince my parents to let me get married before my sisters.