Well on my quest of getting married(which seems such an impossible task now) I started talking to a guy and we agreed on moving forward to the getting to know each other phase. I told him initially that I am only interested in getting married and don’t want to waste his or my time so this is not going to be like a bf/gf kind of relationship just to clear his expectations, and if any one of us felt like that it cannot workout due to any reason we should be communicating that to the other asap.
So in past two months we have met around 3 times for lunch/dinner but we do talked on phone regularly. Initially it seemed like it can work out cos we are from the same field and share the same background. But quite recently (two week exact) it seems like he is trying to change my nature or habits. And some times he make such illogical demands which simply goes over my head and I can’t comply to them for e.g. he asked me that I should always always pick up his call and if I miss then I should return his call in 15 min, I should update about my where about every hour via a call or text(apparently he’s worried about my well being), go out on a vacation with him to a resort, don’t give him the excuse of 11:00 PM curfew as I am a grownup, stop swimming because that can impact my child bearing abilities like wth!!!
Any how, I tried to explain to him that all of this is against my nature. I understand that in relationships you have to compromise and change yourself but firstly this is NOT a relationship to begin with and secondly I am ready to change myself but for the person who is worth it which I am still not sure about as far as he is concerned. I have been living independently for a longer period of time. I have my moral values and my own understanding of things which I can’t just throw away. So he said to me that because I have never been in relationship so I don’t know how to behave in one and when he started putting some relationship related responsibility on me I am panicking and I want out. He told me about his previous girl friends were willing to do every thing for him and one even used to brush his teeth. I told him that I have some self respect so he should not be expecting such things from me.
I told him clearly that I don’t want to be in a relationship, I just want to get married and as much as we have known about each other that is enough to make a decision about that. He said that it doesn’t work like this, it will takes around an year or two to figure out whether we are suitable for each other or not. So I ended it and said that this is not working out as we have different expectations
He told me that this way I’ll never ever get married because no guy in the right mind will marry such a stubborn girl who is not ready to spend some intimate time with him or not ready to change her habits for him. He said that I am too logical/rational to involve in a relationship because relationships need emotions which I don’t have. I’ll be sorry for leaving him for the rest of my life.
I don’t agree to whatever he said, I am too optimistic for that. And I am not posting it to seek justifications for my actions. I just posted because I don’t talk about these things to any one, my friends and family consider me a very strong person so this forum seemed like a better place to vent my frustration and anger out.
Re: Please don't read if you have more important things to do in life (i.e. not life1
I told him clearly that I don't want to be in a relationship, I just want to get married and as much as we have known about each other that is enough to make a decision about that. He said that it doesn't work like this, **it will takes around an year or two to figure out whether we are suitable for each other or not. **So I ended it and said that this is not working out as we have different expectations
Oh well, he was treating you as his girlfriend because it does NOT or should NOT take this long for you two to decide. On that point alone, you made the right choice. :)
Originally Posted by Chipotle
he asked me that I should always always pick up his call and if I miss then I should return his call in 15 min, I should update about my where about every hour via a call or text(apparently he's worried about my well being), go out on a vacation with him to a resort, don't give him the excuse of 11:00 PM curfew as I am a grownup, stop swimming because that can impact my child bearing abilities like wth!!
okay can i LoL here? :) This is both disturbing and hilarious.
Re: Please don't read if you have more important things to do in life (i.e. not life1
Swimming impacts child bearing abilities?! LOL.....wow.....and exactly where did he get his medical degree from? LOL.
Anyway...good for you!!! You knew exactly what you were looking for, were not willing to change who are as a person, and dumped him as soon as you realized that you two are not compatible. You did not WASTE months or years with him in the hopes that you can talk reason into him and that he will change. I wish more desi girls were like you.
Re: Please don't read if you have more important things to do in life (i.e. not life1
It's a blessing all these things are coming up BEFORE you tied the knot. Congrats, be grateful to Allah and excuse yourself from his life!
ya that's how I think also that I am better off not married then getting into something horrible but then I get frightened that does that make me arrogant?
Re: Please don't read if you have more important things to do in life (i.e. not life1
LMAO. He told you that his former girlfriend used to brush his teeth and that you shouldn't swim for fear it hinder your ability to pop out babies. LOL.
I think he's either deliberatly saying these things to turn you off....so YOU'D be the one to end the relationship as opposed to him having to do it......OR......he could actually be this insane. Either way.....I say dump him and move on.
Re: Please don’t read if you have more important things to do in life (i.e. not life1
You know this is actually true BUT i think its worth staying single if the other choice is to just let go of your self and morals for anybody at all. Nowadays shareef guys and girls are having issues with rishtas only because of this reason which is unfortunate but at the end of the day i am sure they are at a better place.
Re: Please don't read if you have more important things to do in life (i.e. not life1
Was the guy Pakistani ???
He's of pakistani origin but he has been living here in US for past 25 years so I guess that messed up his thinking but that's just my thought. I am not trying to pass any judgment
