I’m 24 years old,turning 25 next month.For the last 7-8 years I knew that I’m supposed to marry my cousin whom I don’t like at all and I don’t want to marry him which my parents are aware of since then.I had even told my parents that I do not wish to marry him but they kept ignoring what I used to say,saying that he is from our relatives and he would never deceive me,etc.The main reasons why I don’t like him are because he isn’t that educated,and second of all,I don’t like his personality and the way he behaves,like,he’s like a joker,always joking around,which seems to bother me a lot,and other such habits of him.
Since my parents weren’t looking for anyone else for me other than him,few of my friends suggested me to register on a matrimonial site,perhaps I could find someone.So I registered in one of the matrimonial sites,and I did find someone and his mother gave a call to my dad,asking for the rishta but,this thing has made my parents especially my dad react in an extreme way.They behave as if I have committed a big sin by trying to find someone my own.They say it would cause them embarrassment/humiliation in the society,and second of all they say,everyone on the internet is just frauds.Because of all this,there’s always issues at my home which keep giving me lots of tensions and stress and I just don’t know what to do.My parents are even thinking to take me to Pakistan to get me married off to my cousin.Please advise me that what should I be doing.
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You're in UK?
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No.I'm in Middle East.
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You need to be firm with your parents and tell them you dont want to marry your cousin.
there is nothing wrong with looking on the internet, especially if the guy has parents involved - always a good sign BUT if your parents dont like that then tell them to look for a rishta their way as long as its not with yout cousin.
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or u cud send out a message clear cut even if it has to be blunt that you dunt want to marry him ..so tell him to back away ..and decline.. maybe it will help ..if no one wants to marry each other ..
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Hello: cutie1
First things first:
- Your dad's reaction is understandable. You shouldn't have done that. But you haven't committed a sin.
- Such actions of yours could indeed cause embarrassment and even humiliation in the society.
- They are 110% right that people on the internet are fraud.
- You need to stop getting tense and stressed.
I will give you a honest suggestion:
Parents should not force their children to choose their choice. And children should not be impulsive either towards their parents. If you are a strong will person, reason with your parents. Tell them you respect them to the utmost of your ability but you do not want to marry him. Point out his problems, habits etc. but reason with them.
On the other hand, if it has been 8 years you haven't done anything about it, I doubt you will be able to now. But this is my personal observation and I hope I am wrong. Now, tell them you are my parents and I know you will think better of me, but this is not the right choice. Please find me someone that will keep me happy and who I can keep happy.
I will stop here for now.
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do what your parents say 
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You were a teenager when you first heard of your parents' plans to get you married off to your cousin. Despite being aware of your feelings about the rishta, the reason your parents didn't give up is because they thought, "Oh she's young and naive right now....when she grows older, she may change her mind."
I don't think that there is anything Islamically wrong with a mature woman to be actively looking for a rishta via matrimonial sites or other resources. It's not a gunnah....it's not like you'd say yes to the proposal without having both families talk. The reason why you're parents feel "embarrassed" is because they think it makes a girl look "desperate" if she goes about the search by herself and that it reflects as a lack of involvement on the parents' part.
You're an adult woman (not a child). That said, you should sit down with your parents and ask them why they want to marry your cousin and then calmly counter their arguments (that there isn't a 100% guarantee that a cousin would make a good spouse, etc). Ask them if it makes them happy to force a rishta on you....which could be hurt you/your cousin/both of your families. Tell them what you want qualities you want in a guy...explain why you don't like your cousin. Counter their points. Get over this "guilt trip" that they're giving you over the matrimonial site...and be more proactive in talking to your parents. Is there trusted family member (aunt/uncle/grandparent) that could reason with your parents on your behalf?
When was the last time you met your cousin? Are you averse to "cousin" marriages in general or just his personality? If you're not...and if you haven't interacted with him in ages...would you consider getting to know him to see if he's compatible? He may have changed. Perhaps the consideration might calm your parents down a bit. And of course, if you don't like him....stick to your decision.
Tell your cousin that you don't want to marry him (see you as a brother...nothing else, bla bla etc). And DO NOT allow your parents to give your cousin's parents the false idea that you're okay with the rishta. Be respectfully but firmly vocal and let his parents know that you're not interested. By all means.........respectfull voice your disapproval....whilst sitting with your relatives in the living room in Pak. How much clearer can you get? Your parents will be upset...they won't disown you. And hopefully his parents will have some self-respect and won't hitch their son to a girl that's not interested.
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hello there 
You were a teenager when you first heard of your parents' plans to get you married off to your cousin. Despite being aware of your feelings about the rishta, the reason your parents didn't give up is because they thought, "Oh she's young and naive right now....when she grows older, she may change her mind."
I don't think that there is anything Islamically wrong with a mature woman to be actively looking for a rishta via matrimonial sites or other resources. It's not a gunnah....it's not like you'd say yes to the proposal without having both families talk. The reason why you're parents feel "embarrassed" is because they think it makes a girl look "desperate" if she goes about the search by herself and that it reflects as a lack of involvement on the parents' part.
You're an adult woman (not a child). That said, you should sit down with your parents and ask them why they want to marry your cousin and then calmly counter their arguments (that there isn't a 100% guarantee that a cousin would make a good spouse, etc). Ask them if it makes them happy to force a rishta on you....which could be hurt you/your cousin/both of your families. Tell them what you want qualities you want in a guy...explain why you don't like your cousin. Counter their points. Get over this "guilt trip" that they're giving you over the matrimonial site...and be more proactive in talking to your parents. Is there trusted family member (aunt/uncle/grandparent) that could reason with your parents on your behalf?
When was the last time you met your cousin? Are you averse to "cousin" marriages in general or just his personality? If you're not...and if you haven't interacted with him in ages...would you consider getting to know him to see if he's compatible? He may have changed. Perhaps the consideration might calm your parents down a bit. And of course, if you don't like him....stick to your decision.
Tell your cousin that you don't want to marry him (see you as a brother...nothing else, bla bla etc). And DO NOT allow your parents to give your cousin's parents the false idea that you're okay with the rishta. Be respectfully but firmly vocal and let his parents know that you're not interested. By all means.........respectfull voice your disapproval....whilst sitting with your relatives in the living room in Pak. How much clearer can you get? Your parents will be upset...they won't disown you. And hopefully his parents will have some self-respect and won't hitch their son to a girl that's not interested.
I met my cousin around 8-9 months ago.I have tried liking him, but I don't know why,whenever he would come around, I become sure of this fact that,I don't like him.
Yes, my parents say it's like a ''Bes******'' on my part to try to search for someone my own.Is it such a bad thing?That's what makes me feel guilty about all this.
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cutie
i think you should've involved your parents before you started looking for a guy on internet. And as someone else said "tell that paindu guy directly" [not that it's gonna make any difference but do it anyway].
Be guilty for 5-10 minutes. Say sorry to your parents if you haven't already, admit your mistake and move on. Don't give too much time to this guilty feeling. Fix the problem you have.
I agree with redvelvet except for the telling lies. Don't lie to anyone, don't lie to your cousin and more importantly don't lie to your parents. Just tell the truth.
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(redvelvet good advice!)
does ur cousin know abt this?
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My cousin does know that I don't like him but still he's all willing to marry me and it was he who forced his parents to come to my parents with the rishta.
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u mean 7-8 years bac?? do u have any contact with him...
does he now know that u dont want to marry and ur serious about it?he still might be thinking, ull be fine....
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Though officially he's considered as my fiance, but we don't have any contact with each other.We don't even talk to each other when we are around, the reason being,seeing my rude nature towards him, he perhaps doesn't dare to talk with me.
My cousin does know that I don't like him but still he's all willing to marry me and it was he who forced his parents to come to my parents with the rishta.
I'm sorry, but this doesn't make any sense. If the dude knows you don't like him and don't want to marry him; why would he still want it??? Is he that daft??
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haha that is not going to work anymore sweetheart. tell him straight and if he doesnt listen he's an idiot anyway!
The advice for ur parents has already been given.
My cousin does know that I don't like him but still he's all willing to marry me and it was he who forced his parents to come to my parents with the rishta.
Cutie, you need to talk to YOUR PARENTS, first. And then think about if there are any trusted relatives (aunt/uncle/grandparent) who can help you and reason with your parents on your behalf. Someone with some influence.
What if your cousin thinks you're only teasing/joking? It could depend upon the manner in which you expressed your feelings. He may have mistook you for being shy or playing hard to get...who knows? Be firm with him...and hopefully he'll get it.
If him and your parents don't back down....then tell his parents that you're not interested in the rishta. I just hope that your parents will not give HIS parents the false idea that you are happy with this rishta. That's why it's also important for his family to know about how you feel. Your parents my push for this rishta and never tell his parents the truth. And if you see things heading in that direction.....speak up. Hopefully, his parents will have more izzat/self-respect/pride than to get their son married to a girl who is openly rejecting them. Your parents (as angry as they may be) won't disown you. And your relatives.....might get their egos wounded.....but they don't pay your bills...are they worth sacrificing your life/future for? No! They'll find someone for their son.
I'm sorry, but this doesn't make any sense. If the dude knows you don't like him and don't want to marry him; why would he still want it??? Is he that daft??
coz he's an ass thinking she'll get around...