Be guilty for 5-10 minutes. Say sorry to your parents if you haven't already, admit your mistake and move on. Don't give too much time to this guilty feeling. Fix the problem you have.
I agree with redvelvet except for the telling lies. Don't lie to anyone, don't lie to your cousin and more importantly don't lie to your parents. Just tell the truth.
My parents seem to remind me of it and talk about it over and over again, so it doesn't seem that easy to get rid of this guilty feeling.
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enrolling on a matrimonial site without knowledge of your parents!!!
enrolling on a matrimonial site without knowledge of your parents!!!
That.
But got to be real brave. Its your life they are messing with.
It would really help if you had a brother supporting you.
And what ever redness said... I did not read it.. but she is alwasy right. :)
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socrates, SHUT UP!!!
To the OP, report your parents to the 5-0.
Cutie, you need to talk to YOUR PARENTS, first. And then think about if there are any trusted relatives (aunt/uncle/grandparent) who can help you and reason with your parents on your behalf. Someone with some influence.
What if your cousin thinks you're only teasing/joking? It could depend upon the manner in which you expressed your feelings. He may have mistook you for being shy or playing hard to get...who knows? Be firm with him...and hopefully he'll get it.
If him and your parents don't back down....then tell his parents that you're not interested in the rishta. I just hope that your parents will not give HIS parents the false idea that you are happy with this rishta. That's why it's also important for his family to know about how you feel. Your parents my push for this rishta and never tell his parents the truth. And if you see things heading in that direction.....speak up. Hopefully, his parents will have more izzat/self-respect/pride than to get their son married to a girl who is openly rejecting them. Your parents (as angry as they may be) won't disown you. And your relatives.....might get their egos wounded.....but they don't pay your bills...are they worth sacrificing your life/future for? No! They'll find someone for their son.
In our entire khaandan, no girl so far has opposed to any proposals confirmed by parents, so my parents expect me to do the same and thinks its would be a great insult if i disagree to marry him.
In our entire khaandan, no girl so far has opposed to any proposals confirmed by parents, so my parents expect me to do the same and thinks its would be a great insult if i disagree to marry him.
You have disagree to marry him, be true to your self.
Its going to take some strength, but its nothing that cant be done.
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So, just to confirm... Is he officially your fiance?!
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u know ur family and urself best...
So, just to confirm... Is he officially your fiance?!
Yes.That's how it's arranged by elders.
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Yes
OMG
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Can i ask what is it exactly that you dont like about him...i mean...other than being a joker and humoring around :p is he uneducated...or ill mannered....or not good looking?what about his family and their financial statuses and background? Sometimes you have to compromise on little things if there are some better qualities that can outshine him....noone is a complete package....and trust me...marrying in family makes things lot easier than adjusting in a completely new family...ofcourse not always but generally (if ur inlaws are not exceptionally bad or cruel :p )
In our entire khaandan, no girl so far has opposed to any proposals confirmed by parents, so my parents expect me to do the same and thinks its would be a great insult if i disagree to marry him.
Islamically, a marriage is not valid unless it has the mutual consent of the guy and the girl. That said, your parents can "confirm" all they want..........but without your approval, it means nothing.
It would be more of an "insult" to your cousin and his parents. Rejection is unpleasant. It should not be an "insult" to your parents...and they only reason that they would perceive it as such is because they don't want you to make them "look bad" when you're compared to the other more obedient daughters within the family.
But is your obedience worth living a miserable married life? If you're unhappy in your marriage.......would your parents be satisfied? You can come on here and complain ALL you want in this thread...........but **YOU"LL **be partly to blame if you say, "I do." Can't put all the blame upon family...cuz you have a responsibility toward yourself. You had the courage to look for a rishta on your own......so that gives me the impression that you're a strong girl....that you seem to have more courage than some girls we've read about in this forum who were in the same situation. That said............continue speaking up for yourself...and especially make your feelings known to his parents (if need be).
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facedesk
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Take a stand for yourself.
Be brave and fight this with all your might. You will be fine. :)
Why do people think that cousin marriages are so solid, there can be no divorce or deception? 
I’ve seen a number of cousin marriages break apart. So that’s clearly a myth.
Would you get married to the cousin and bring him to the Middle East or would you move to Pakistan?
How is this matrimonial site stuff an embarrassment/humiliation? The only way I can see that is if a friend or someone went up to your parents and said, “Ohh, we saw your daughter on a matrimonial website. Are you having that hard of a time finding rishtas for her that she had to go onto the websites?” But even then, someone can argue why was the other person looking you up. You know? You’re not dating the guy. You came across his profile on a website. Probably haven’t met him in person. And the guy’s mother called and asked for your rishta. So you went about all of this in the proper way. I doubt the guy is a fraud if his mother is asking for the rishta. You just have to take time and check out the guy and his family.
Just talk to your parents about all of this. Say that if they believe there can be no deception in cousin marriages, you still want to be sure that the cousin is right for you by looking at other rishtas. God forbid, but if your marriage with the cousin breaks off, you don’t want to look back at this time and remember that you had another good rishta but didn’t go for it… you don’t want any regrets. But it’s best for you to talk to the cousin and explain to him that he needs to back off. It’s harder for a girl to reject a rishta and it’ll be even harder for your parents to do that on your behalf. Tell him you don’t see him as a husband, you two are not compatible, etc… I wouldn’t bring up the not so educated part.
Really? Why would any guy willingly marry someone who disliked him? How would that benefit him in any way? 
You need to make it clear to your parents that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with this guy. You said you’re 'officially his fiance"? Tbh, you really should not have let it even get to this stage if there never was any attraction towards him in the first place.
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...maybe he just wants to be exported out of pakistan to the middle east.
i wish you the best of luck. try explaining to your parents your thoughts and feelings. look for local rishtas- ask your friends, moms friends, etc.
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I strongly disagree. Believe it or not, I know of a few couples who met online and got married and, I believe, are very happy and satisfied with each other. There are many people who have group meetings with friends they make online and most of them turnout to be good people. Although I dislike such stuff myself, I would never say that people on internet are all frauds after knowing some good real-life examples.
On a side note, I am silent reader at GupShup, and I honestly think some people here are very genuine and good people MashaAllah.
If I where you, I would NOT go to Pakistan, from the sounds of it, they might not care what you want, and force you to marry him? I'm sorry if this offends anybody, but if they let it get to here, KNOWING that YOU DO NOT want this, they proberbly don't care.
If they really saw the option of you not marrying him, they wouldn't have made your cousin your "offical fiance", and harder for themselfs to get outa this arrangement ...
I would really start considering what to do next, if they really don't listen to you, and just think that you will marry your cousin.
Do you have a degree? You could get a job somewhere away from your parents?
I think that you need to start thinking weather your going to fight for what you want, or if you just gonna give in to their emotional-blackmail ...
and you might be left with making serious decisions? lileaving your family? I'm not saying that leaving your parents will be nessecary, but it might?
and it seems to me that you are still hoping for them to snap outa this? they might not ... so I'm just they to tell you that you might be left with a really hard decision ...
You cousin pushed his parents to ask for you rishta? he might just see you as his ticket outa parkistan?
I had a friend who was in the same sitiation ... she ended up mayrring her cousin, but she had one condition, which was that she would live with him in pakistan, and not bring him here, he raped her, she had 2 kids with him, then she convinced her parents to let her som back to Europe, she promised to get him up here as well, but the minute she got here, she filed for a divorce ... and I haven't talked to her since ... I think shes living under a false name and stuff ... I'm not saying that it will happen to you ... but I would just hate it, if something like this, or similar to this happend to another girl ...
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A BIG NO NO NO..how it is possible dat parents r forcing uu wen they know well dat their daughter is not willing....strange...why all this happen in our society...u mst take sme stand n try to convince them n dont accept this proposal byforce n plzzz inform ur czn's parents n ur czn also dat u dont like him...it becomes so difficult to spend life after the marraige bcuz u think all time dat this person was nt my choice...bst of luck...