CM is right to an extent.
On the other hand. me wants a paki-boi. Cause they are simple and nice and innocent dear. Also I can tell them to clean my kitchen, feed my kids and iron my clothes whilst I hang out iwth my chums and they will be happy because they love me.
What I just said above is undisputed fact.
hitchki you are such a cutie =)
I haven't posted in ages, but i posted just for you. . .
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
Marriage to someone from your culture, but your not actually from that culture since you arent born in Pakistan...But ....he is....
Its such a huge difference, in all the small things that start to pile up over the years, and now I really think the greatest defect is the communication.
My urdu is fine, but I think in English, hence, I joke in it, etc.
He's thinking in urdu.
We grew up in different places with different points of view, but its been awhile, and..Im not feeling so compromising anymore. I think the root is the communication factor. I dont feel like we are on the same plane.
I just want a guys point of view, if there are any guys who are born raised in Pak and married someone born raised out of pk, whats your take on your relationship? What is it about your wife that you feel you would want to, I dont know, I dont want to use the word change, but, u know, the indifference u feel?
thanks.
Dear Chicklet : Reading ur thread has really touched a soft spot- my dear I have personal experience of what you are saying- A UK Brit /Asian and a Pakistani chap - u are totally right- it is communication which is the key factor- regardless of origin/ bringing up etc- What Jaanwar says is right in this instance- the husband who has an eastern culture does want to be be the main bredwinner and provide but because of that eastern culture, has a very different, somewhat insular outlook on life whereas the wife who has the best of both worlds is inclined towards the culture she knows best- equality, freedom of expression and choice, independance....the situation becomes where the husband is almost opressing this open/ western culture to the point that it does becomes oppressive for the wife- coupled with miscommunication the situation becomes quite cantankerous. The husband I suppose can never really appreciate the wifes background and pushes the only agenda that he knows- its at this point that the couple should refeect and revaluate their reasons for being togther and inshallah with some effective communication and reaffiramtion of their love and commitment it should be a happy end......however the above all depends on how the two are committed- understanding, respect and compassion has to be the key- an acceptance of each others cultures and backgrounds and no matter how different the two are- if you both have consciously decided to be with each other than be prepared to walk the somewhat rocky road and keep the bigger picture in mind- marriage is truly a blessed and beautiful thing- but it doesnt come without any sacrifices or compromises.. I wish you the very best and make dua for all Ameen
This may seem off topic and not-so-mature, but **CHicKLit, **is your husband an Aquarian?
On a serious note: Some people (both, male and female) are naturally aloof because they don't want any sort of emotional dependency with their spouse (weird, but happens), whereas with friends they can just have fun without worrying too much about these things. YES, it does seem irrational, but I have seen in happen a couple of times.
He maybe acting aloof because he might be re-evaluating some issues that he is not ready to share, or simply doesn't want to (yes, men do that, macho-ness and what not). Sometimes distance increase, as crazy as it may sound, when a couple has not had seen eachother through really bad times (mistakes, fights, irrational requests) and when they are very cautious with eachother. It just makes a relationship very formal and boring, and I feel this is what's happening here.
I remember you mentioned somewhere that neither of you like to raise you voices, which is ofcourse a good thing, but 10 years into a marriage and still such reservations?? Maybe you guys needs to loosen up a bit.
Honestly, a very sensible post. You've pointed out something that goes unnoticed many many times - when couples are so formal because of 'reservations' and can't be themselves, it leads to this internal suffocation. So, so damaging for the woman, and I'm sure the man too.
Chicklit, just yell and scream sometimes, shake him up, expose your less attractive emotional side and things will hopefully get better.
This Aquarius thing, darn!