Marriage to someone from your culture, but your not actually from that culture since you arent born in Pakistan…But …he is…
Its such a huge difference, in all the small things that start to pile up over the years, and now I really think the greatest defect is the communication.
My urdu is fine, but I think in English, hence, I joke in it, etc.
He’s thinking in urdu.
We grew up in different places with different points of view, but its been awhile, and..Im not feeling so compromising anymore. I think the root is the communication factor. I dont feel like we are on the same plane.
I just want a guys point of view, if there are any guys who are born raised in Pak and married someone born raised out of pk, whats your take on your relationship? What is it about your wife that you feel you would want to, I dont know, I dont want to use the word change, but, u know, the indifference u feel?
thanks.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
bhai or behan it really doesnt matter where the person is born and bred it all depends on how the person thinks. many foreign born and bred ppl r not so jolly either.
if u think u both r not compatible then find sum1 else. thank u!
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
i will second KB that it really doesnt matter where you were born and bred. it is more of a matter of "Exploring trait" i mean how much the person is willing to invest in finding new things, ideas, explorations and discoveries.
i personally think majority guys are boring, or severe attitude problem (when it comes to sharing thoughts). they want em to keep to themselves. k kaheen koe aur na perha likha bunjayea
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
I think its a very interesting question that chicklit has made. And i agree only those who have experienced it can answer better. I do think where a person is born and bred have alot to do with how he/she comes out to be though ofcourse there always are exceptions.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
^ I agree...This is different than the typical "girls would you marry a guy from back home?" type threads that are opened in a large volume. We always hear from girls who have married, or those that would never, but id ont think yet we've heard from a guy who has married a western-born woman. We'd like to c the replies :)
I think its a very interesting question that chicklit has made. And i agree only those who have experienced it can answer better. I do think where a person is born and bred have alot to do with how he/she comes out to be though ofcourse there always are exceptions.
I agree. Although I was born in Pakistan but my up bringing took place in new york, which was evident during conversations with a born & bred Pakistani woman. But brief conversations, which do not count for much, have been the extent of my experience with someone who is not a product of western ethos. Marrying someone from a different but not totally unfamiliar culture would be a considerable change if only more difficult for women of west back ground. She was shocked to hear that both of my sisters worked, drove cars, painted their own rooms etc etc, in essence were very independent and yet married guys of my parents' choosing.
We always hear from girls who have married, or those that would never, but id ont think yet we've heard from a guy who has married a western-born woman. We'd like to c the replies :)
I'll make sure to share my experiences if I were to marry a Pakistani (born and bred) woman.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
I think as you already mentioned communication and understanding is the key, however i myself am not a big fan of import and export and personally would not want to do that as i was born in Dubai but spent most of my growing and mature life in canada and i got mostly GORAY friends and if i was to get someone from pakistan i dont think she would jive that well. But then again thats my personal opinion.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
I don't have any personal experience in the matter, but I think it may be just that your marriage has lost some of its novelty over the years, and you might assign the cause to language/culture differences, when in actuality, it may be that you're in a rut and need some adventure.
By virtue of being a woman, you will never be on the same plane as a guy. And perhaps you don't want to be compromising anymore because you've been compromising for years to make up for the culture difference or it may be in your nature to do so, and don't feel reciprocated. I don't know what you are referring to when you're talking about compromises, but do you think a guy that grew up the same place as you would act much different? It all depends on personality.
Some people grow up here but a few years into the marriage, the couple looks like its from back home- very paternalistic structure, mother doting on kids and letting herself go, father is distant breadwinner. The problem may lie in communication, but it's not so much the language barrier as it is that nobody wants to talk about the relationship, not white people, not black people, not asians, not brown people. So if you are feeling a bit down about the marriage, try not to find reasons that are beyond your control, but those that are, like doing something different and reigniting the sparks.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
ok well i am actually in the process of marrying a man from pk and im from the uk. thing is i have to say, apart from the many many many stories i have on him and how annoying or whatever he can be, im glad he is from there and not here. i have plenty of male cusins here and my brothers from uk too, as are so many mates....and these men mostly are even more backwwards than the men from pk.believe me im shocked sometimes to hear my cusins/brothers speaking so lowly of women who they think should be in the kitchen or having a million girlfriends here yet wana marry a girl from back home cos they believe she will be more virtious or some crap....trustme so many men i know either in family or mates are more pakified and backwards then you would believe...
thats why me and my female cusins marred back home cos the men here were too dman typcial....and to be brought up here and STILL have that mentality...si no excuse...
anyway im not talking of ALL MEN just the ones i know or hear about...
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
As a Pakistani chauvinist male, I dont see such an arrangement working out in my case. Foreign born and bred women are a bit too liberal. I would want my woman to stay at home and take care of things she is supposed to, instead of pretending to be something she is not i.e. a man.
I think in Punjabi, translate it into Urdu, and then another step would be to translate it into English - which won't happen a lot. So yeah, I dont see a lot of talking happening, another possible point of difference. Considering the rather liberal and we-have-rights attitude of this breed, one might actually have to tie her up to pillar or something - a process of de-westernizing the woman.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
And how does one differentiate between the two?
hmmmm
see I am a monk, i have 3rd eye. I have no problem telling good ppl from NOT so good ppl. No matter how fancy are they wrapped around.
for non monks hmmmmmmm
, ITs important to know what you DONT want in life. off course no one want bad stuff, BUT I am talking here things which are accepted as qualities.
So among those "qualities" you GOT to know what you can live without.
Once you know that skill, you would be able to see a person with much clear vision.
You will know what other person actually have to offer in terms of caretaker/provider.
