Re: Pk guys who married “foreign” born&bred: pls comment
I see:hmmm:
I guess the same applies for the male species:konfused:?!
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
even more!!!
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
why sould we?
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
Well am at a stage where am I cant survive with an ordinary woman , so she has to be like best of both worlds ya know !
SHe must be able to survive on her own as an independent western woman and a home maker like ar desi women
Too western or too desi , both are kind of turn off for me liking ! I m happy some where in middle !
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
I would want my woman to stay at home and take care of things she is supposed to, instead of pretending to be something she is not i.e. a man.
jazbati bhai, acc. to one hadith-e-mubraik (PBUH) you are obliged to pay (even your wife...in fact pay em double) if she is taking care of your house.
so women are always working :p
dont ever think that your doing a huge "ehsan" (favor) by providing them with "food, clothing, shelter" :p
ps. this women pretending to man vibe started after return of men from World Wars. where few wana help their wives, but couldnt help cuz they lost either a leg(s) or an arm or maybe their entire body in the War. whereas rest of em wanted to be lost in the "spirit" of trance. so this entire situation men called themselves.
beside get a wife who can tackle difficult situations, even when you are not there rather then the one who fully depends on you. (just a thought)
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
Care to share?
see woman can just look good and have tons and tons of value.
I case of guys, you have to have some thing.
So if a dude go on about stuff you really don't need in life, he is trying to blur your vision. Girl fall quickly in traps. Guys TAKE advantage.
So now you look at guys with out "accessories" if he still looks good. then yeah.
Say hmmmm you have to live in a desert/jungle who could you stay there with? who will provide protect you? Who will have your safety before your.
Now you want that guy BUT with accessories!!!
Not some one who bombarded you with this and that.
End of the day, this and that wont matter.
Re: Pk guys who married “foreign” born&bred: pls comment
the same goes to you and your gender. don’t think that your are doing us a favor by giving us back what we provided! 
Re: Pk guys who married “foreign” born&bred: pls comment
So basically you are saying, we are too clouded by the fancy things in life to spot the genuine guys?
Re: Pk guys who married “foreign” born&bred: pls comment
genuine ppl!!
it also depends on the time you take to sort some one out. When you have feeling for some one its not easy to be good judge of their character/personality.
Re: Pk guys who married “foreign” born&bred: pls comment
Appa ji, you make it sound like they dont get paid for taking care of the house, infact, taking money out of the wallet should also count 
Working at the house is fine, having an office job is not.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
thanks for the advice.
ARE THE GUYS Just too CHICKEN EXPRESSING THEMSELVES, why am I not surprised... I doubt there arent any guys from that category on here.
Prove us wrong boys, comment :)
I don't have any personal experience in the matter, but I think it may be just that your marriage has lost some of its novelty over the years, and you might assign the cause to language/culture differences, when in actuality, it may be that you're in a rut and need some adventure.
By virtue of being a woman, you will never be on the same plane as a guy. And perhaps you don't want to be compromising anymore because you've been compromising for years to make up for the culture difference or it may be in your nature to do so, and don't feel reciprocated. I don't know what you are referring to when you're talking about compromises, but do you think a guy that grew up the same place as you would act much different? It all depends on personality.
Some people grow up here but a few years into the marriage, the couple looks like its from back home- very paternalistic structure, mother doting on kids and letting herself go, father is distant breadwinner. The problem may lie in communication, but it's not so much the language barrier as it is that nobody wants to talk about the relationship, not white people, not black people, not asians, not brown people. So if you are feeling a bit down about the marriage, try not to find reasons that are beyond your control, but those that are, like doing something different and reigniting the sparks.
thanks, nice advice. I thought about this, but its not it. Maybe somewhat, but theres been distance lately, and its just feeling awkward. AND, I feel jealous when I see all the lovely urdu dialogue happening and his laughter, knowing that its not so easy for us to get that simple "random laugh", for whatever reason. Its not like we fight, alhamdullilah, and we dont disagree much either: its a step past that. Like when I talk to guys from here, i feel like i can communicate easier, express myself, etc. Maybe the relationship does need something extra, but its just me, ive been feeling a little aloof lately. :( :(
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
ive married a pakistan born (sort of bred) guy and im US born and OZ bred..
but our prob is different. Im more desi than he is.. which is kinda odd. I grew up with quite a desi mum but a very open and broad minded dad. So both influences.. lekin growing up watching paki dramas and so forth.. i became a lot more desier than hubby's desire.. lol
Most of our issues are to do with the upbringing of our dauther.. im a lil desi. Im trying to change and i hope you all pray i do... hehe
We both communicate in english... urdu only if we are being dramebaazi.. I wish we communicated in urdu a lot more, but aah well. English comes to us both naturally.
I dont get jealous when he's communicating to others in urdu.. i think its lovely.. my urdu is crap though, so i get all muddled up. Lekin, he'll start speaking in english when that happens.
Have you discussed this with him?
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
ive married a pakistan born (sort of bred) guy and im US born and OZ bred..
but our prob is different. Im more desi than he is.. which is kinda odd. I grew up with quite a desi mum but a very open and broad minded dad. So both influences.. lekin growing up watching paki dramas and so forth.. i became a lot more desier than hubby's desire.. lol
Most of our issues are to do with the upbringing of our dauther.. im a lil desi. Im trying to change and i hope you all pray i do... hehe
We both communicate in english... urdu only if we are being dramebaazi.. I wish we communicated in urdu a lot more, but aah well. English comes to us both naturally.
I dont get jealous when he's communicating to others in urdu.. i think its lovely.. my urdu is crap though, so i get all muddled up. Lekin, he'll start speaking in english when that happens.
Have you discussed this with him?
He seriously laughs it off. Sometimes he just sits there and he'll try, hes a sweet guy, its just what am I supposed tosay? wish we joked around a bit more? its not the desi, english issue. im really desi other than teh language which i speak perfectly aswell. Its the overall u know; express myself. And well, enjoying differnt kinds of things, talking about stuff for example: we talk about different kinds of things, and I get teh feeling maybe he wouldve wanted a more paki kind of girl whose into the things paki girls are into; cause the truth is, maybe since hes been acting aloof, i ve been noticing that i feel like ive missed out on the companionship that i wouldve gotten had it been a guy from here. anyhow, astaghfirullah, but truth is, desi guy speaking english, talking about stuff i talk about, grew up on the same stuff, joke and understand, caught myself suddenly noticing them :( it sucks.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
^ hmmm i always joke with my hubz that maybe he would have been better off with a desi girl.. like born bred in paki.
Really, what sort of things does he talk about?
I used to be in politics and all this other talk but i havent had much of a brain since having a kid. Im at work, but my brain is half dead cus im sooo tired. Khair, separate issue..
Maybe you're bored? Go on a break and spend some time together
Ive been married for 3 years, and although we;ve had our fair share of arguments, cant say ive thought about being with another guy. The differences make me want to be a better wife/friend to the hubz....
if you dont think ur on the same wavelength.... work on it. Rather than eyeing other guys who u think may have been better. Thing is, u dont know... it may have been worst and you may have then desired a desi guy
Sure being bred in a certain culture makes them different... but now that ur married, work on those differences rather than thinking it may have been better otherwise.
how is he being aloof?
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
We both communicate in english... urdu only if we are being dramebaazi.. I wish we communicated in urdu a lot more, but aah well. English comes to us both naturally.
I dont get jealous when he's communicating to others in urdu.. i think its lovely.. my urdu is crap though, so i get all muddled up. Lekin, he'll start speaking in english when that happens.
so u guys are both in english, im english hes responding in urdu.
also, u made me realise i gotta clarify it a bit more, its not just teh urdu its the culture, like i want to...go snowboarding or wahtever, hes not into that cause thats how old skool is from there i guess, and hes not old skool, not with his friends, just with me. forget snowboarding, but its just to give an example that its the culture clash thats getting to me language included.
ps. I luv urdu it hasnt to do with that.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
so u guys are both in english, im english hes responding in urdu. also, u made me realise i gotta clarify it a bit more, its not just teh urdu its the culture, like i want to...go snowboarding or wahtever, hes not into that cause thats how old skool is from there i guess, and hes not old skool, not with his friends, just with me. forget snowboarding, but its just to give an example that its the culture clash thats getting to me language included.
ps. I luv urdu it hasnt to do with that.
seriously, u can get that regardless of what culture he's been raised in.
I gave the hubz hell after we got married. Cus everytime we went out, all i wanted was italian or greek.. or something that involved chicken and nothing else.
he wanted to try different things and i just would end up with a boring old risotto.. would drive him nuts.
shukar hai, for his sake, ive changed a lot and have started eating (or trying) lots of things..
work with him.... go somewhere he may want to try that out with you. Instead of talking about it, why dont u organise a small break to the snow and maybe seeing everyone else doing all that fun stuff, he may want to try it out as well..??
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
Rather than eyeing other guys who u think may have been better.
That makes me feel so ****ty. I didnt mean it that way, its just i caught myself noticing. whatever.
anyhow, We talk. He doesnt talk about anything important, cause we noticed its better to avoid discussions. Neither of us like to raise our voices. he doesnt discuss very well on certain subjects, I think he is always thinking im influenced from here so hes trying to mellow that out so that, i dont, i dont know, express my canadian side? i dont know.
You know I did that so much, try to make myself the better wife, i totally lost myself to that, with all sincerity, and now, i feel like it was just taken for granted. And teh problem is hes super sweet, its just hes not very, companionship. And im getting tired of trying. and its not like he doesnt appreciate me, its just he doesnt well "celebrate" me either, lol however cheesy that may sound.
Hes aloof: like going out with me, like "farz nibhana" then hanging out with his friends. Ive always gave him alot fo space, maybe that accounts for it. although i could never suffocate him cause its just not me. but it hurts u know:the "fun" he has with his friends, i could feel that off him. Anyhow, lately hes been more aloof.
how is it ur hubby is pk born bred and not so paki?
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
seriously, u can get that regardless of what culture he's been raised in.
I gave the hubz hell after we got married. Cus everytime we went out, all i wanted was italian or greek.. or something that involved chicken and nothing else.
he wanted to try different things and i just would end up with a boring old risotto.. would drive him nuts.
shukar hai, for his sake, ive changed a lot and have started eating (or trying) lots of things..
work with him.... go somewhere he may want to try that out with you. Instead of talking about it, why dont u organise a small break to the snow and maybe seeing everyone else doing all that fun stuff, he may want to try it out as well..??
Did he try changing in any way?
Mine did in some stuff and its taken years its just maybe teh aloofness triggered it but i feel like its been many years. I really wanna know what hes feeling i wish some guy would have the guts to just explain this u know.
Re: Pk guys who married "foreign" born&bred: pls comment
^ no, it was me who was being like ur hubby
its prob best u speak to the hubz... ask him what hes thinking. Everyone here is great for their opinion but the end of the day, we're all individuals