I am writing this post partly to let out my frustration and partly to seek some advice with regard to my husband and his famous sister!!
There is an issue that has been going on forever and I have spoken to my husband very openly about it many times. Just recently something happened that really made me feel excluded, angry and frustrated so I told him about my feelings. First he kept on rationalizing things but when I told him that this is what I feel and he cant just justify things like that, then he started saying that he felt hurt so the whole conversation ended up by me apologizing to him rather than finding a solution to it!!
The issue is that I have for a longer period been feeling that my SIL treats me bad and earlier when I spoke to my husband he always said that he understood my feelings. A lot has happened with regards to my SIL but what really keeps provoking me is that she expects me to come along with her agenda while she doesn’t even make an effort to make me feel as part of the family but still expects me to do stuff for her that family members do.
i.e she married herself to an unknown guy in Pakistan and didn’t even bother to inform her own brother nor me – her reason was that it was too hectic!! Then she applied for her husband’s visa and just before she had to go for the interview, I mentioned to her that they can ask her all kind of questions that she should be prepared for. She kept pushing me to talk to a person I had mentioned to her whom I don’t even know!! I didn’t initate that contact but did some internet research for her so that she wouldn’t feel that I am not helping her out.
Now if someone was helping me out in such a process I would inform her once the husband got his visa. But just recently my husband told me that SIL’s husband got visa and SIL had told hubby not to tell anyone and hubby was unsure whether it included me or not. This really pissed me off cuz I keep trying to make efforts to help her out so our relationship can get better and she really doesn’t even bother to give me call or even text me that her husband is coming.
Well I can accept that even but when she starts expecting from me that I take care of her son when her husband is coming from Pakistan, it really pisses me off. She e-mailed hubby ONLY when asking him whether WE can take care of her son when her hubby will be coming. What does she think I am? Her servant? I have nothing against the kid. He is lovely. But she should really start behaving nice to me if she wants to do stuff for her. I cant get over the fact that she can be so non-chalant and get away with it.
My husband doesn’t even tell her that she can tell me or ask me about it. That’s what really pisses me off. And when I spoke to him about, he just went like “I am sad that you feel like that” but he wont even give her any hint.
So she acts like she is the queen of everything and can do anything she wants. I just wanna deny having the kid over when she is with her husband but that would just be mean. She doesn’t even want my husband to go along with her to the airport to welcome her husband or even visit him the day he arrives. My guess is that a man from Pakistan would get offended that noone from her family came over She just wants hubby to bring the kid from the school to our home and not tell the kid even that his step father is arriving from Pakistan.
Anyways that’s her problem. I am just so pissed off at her nonchalant behaviour and my husband’s lack of gutts to talk to her about it!!
Araaay Chameli I know ppl think that their bhabhies are their servant.
Yes she is very Chalak that she ask her brother that way she want to make sure that you guys will do that and want to hurt you as she doesn't give importance to you.
What I would say it's all your husbands fault because he doesn't have guts to say that to her sister. Tell him or keep telling him that if she or him want you to do anything for your sister in law or anyone then they have to ask directly to you. I'm sure you are a good lady you won't ever refuse even you won't like to do.
How I knew that as your SIL know that you would do that that's why she is asking his brother. I think you always did whatever your SIL asked your hubby to do. No matter you liked it or not. She knows for sure that you gona do that.
She sounds selfish and mean person as she didn't tell even her family members that she married a guy from Pakistan.
Now you have to thing a girl who could be that mean to his own brother that she didn't tell she is going to marry then how could be she good for you?
Listen. Your hubby wont do burai of her sister if she would do anythig wrong. Do you know why? It will make him embarass himself in front of you.
Some or Most of the guys feel uncomfortable to accept the truth or reality that their sister or mother or father or brother are doing wrong to them and his wife.
If you love your husband don't try to embrass him.
What you have to do if you don't want to help your mean SIL tell your hubby clearly next time you are not going to baby sit or whatever if she doesn't ask you directly. I'm not her servant.
If he doesn't listen to you and agree to his sister himself then you don't help him at all and go to your parent or friends house to visit and let him do himself to give him a lesson. After that he sure will tell her sister to ask you directly.
Now I'll ask you to do yourself a favour no matter whom you help you will get reward from Allah. Keep helping her out of love one day insha Allah she will realize that you love her alot and always help whatever and whenever she needs.
Some times and some people think they brought a servent for whole family in the name of bahoo, bhabhi.
I know she must have been doing things for a long time now you can't stand it.
I agree with you that it would be no good to go to recieve her husband at airport and go meet him at home same day he will arrive.
Now think this way. They got married both of them would be excited to meet and have privacy. Remember your wedding day. You never know if his husband asked her to come alone and live alone on first meet.
I think I made some sense. Try to understand her side too. She was married and Islamically she is allowed to marry again and next time there is no need to ask family person or involve them as she is mature enough and indepent. As I think Islam allows. Hazrat Khateeja Alaihus salam proposed herself to Muhammad Sallaho Alaihi Wassallam.
Help her on her Suhaag raat. smiling.