In many desi weddings in the West, Imams give a speech about marriage or advice for the couple or something. Because the role of the Imam has become a bit more prominent, people need to think a little more carefully about who to select for the big day.
What are your criteria?
Some thoughts
educated/knowledgeable about Islam
speaks English well
comfortable speaking in public
can appeal to both a Muslim and a non-Muslim audience
not too "preachy" if you know what I mean. I had a cousin, a Pakistani, who married an Italian lady. They decided to do a Pakistani nikkah on one day, and then do a church ceremony the next day in respect of both cultures. On the nikkah day, they somehow managed the find THE most obnoxious, old school imam ever! Sure, he spoke English, but during the nikkah he decided to go off on a 30 minute tangent about Islam, including a comment about how anyone who is not a Muslim is going to burn in the fires of hell, much to the shock and hurt of the bride, her family, and the other non Muslim guests in the audience. Like really, is it necessary to destroy the peace and beauty of a nikkah ceremony like that?
at my friend's wedding recently, the imam was very down to earth and spoke to the largely youthful audience at a level that would be relevant and meaningful to them. He didn't go on and on quoting extensive ayahs from the Quran, which would only result in dazed looks from half the audience. He spoke from the heart about what marriage meant, about the responsibility the couple had to each other, not just in a religious sense but in a practical life sense. He stirred everyone's heart strings when he described the journey that daughters take from being the apple of their fathers' eye, to eventually being given over to the care of their future husbands. He implored the men in the room to remember the importance of respect and love in marriage, even joking about how husbands should have nicknames for their wives, "whether it be 'my honey' or 'my dumpling' or whatever pet names you people have for each other these days...it builds fondness in the heart and that's important". He was also very funny which kept things lighthearted and special amidst the tears.
@sister Rani "They decided to do a Pakistani nikkah on one day, and then do a church ceremony the next day** in respect of both cultures**."
Sister, Its more imp to take care of religion as compared to culture.The next day of nikkah is valima for Muslims. May ALLAH (S.W.T) show us the right way.
Purpose of this msg is to share the true fact rather than pin pointing so take it in right way plz.
isnt the khutbah (speech) necessary for when performing the nikkah? why is this only practised in the West?
At my wedding, our Shaykh did the khutbah. It was long,yes, maybe around 30-45 min, but that is what we (hubby and I) wanted. We wanted the whole ceremony part of the nikkah to be "the main attraction". The Imam spoke in English, clearly and softly and made really good analogies comparing marriage to other matters. My dad (who isn't particularily religious) loved the khutbah, and to this day, people still remember as the best khutbah they ever heard :)
Hubby did a khutbah at my cousin's nikkah a couple of weeks ago. There was another Molvi that performed the actual nikkah, but he wasn't English speaking, so my uncle wanted hubby to do one in English where everyone, especially the kids coudl understand it. It was a short and sweet khutbah - around 15-20 min. He talked about how marriage is half your deen, hence your wife is like half your deen, and to treat with her respect, love, etc that she is entitled too. The speech was mainly directed towards the men (lol) and they were all listening intently. :)
i like your criteeria, but I'm not keen on keeping it short and sweet.
not too "preachy" if you know what I mean. I had a cousin, a Pakistani, who married an Italian lady. They decided to do a Pakistani nikkah on one day, and then do a church ceremony the next day in respect of both cultures. On the nikkah day, they somehow managed the find THE most obnoxious, old school imam ever! Sure, he spoke English, but during the nikkah he decided to go off on a 30 minute tangent about Islam, including a comment about how anyone who is not a Muslim is going to burn in the fires of hell, much to the shock and hurt of the bride, her family, and the other non Muslim guests in the audience. Like really, is it necessary to destroy the peace and beauty of a nikkah ceremony like that?
at my friend's wedding recently, the imam was very down to earth and spoke to the largely youthful audience at a level that would be relevant and meaningful to them. He didn't go on and on quoting extensive ayahs from the Quran, which would only result in dazed looks from half the audience. He spoke from the heart about what marriage meant, about the responsibility the couple had to each other, not just in a religious sense but in a practical life sense. He stirred everyone's heart strings when he described the journey that daughters take from being the apple of their fathers' eye, to eventually being given over to the care of their future husbands. He implored the men in the room to remember the importance of respect and love in marriage, even joking about how husbands should have nicknames for their wives, "whether it be 'my honey' or 'my dumpling' or whatever pet names you people have for each other these days...it builds fondness in the heart and that's important". He was also very funny which kept things lighthearted and special amidst the tears.
Can I please say that both a 'Nikkah' and 'Church ceremony' are both RELIGIOUS practices not CULTURAL. There is no such thing as being half muslim or half christian, that's ludacris. You're one or the other or nothing at all. As 'Nomiii' has stated Culture and Religion should never be mixed it's extremely disrespectful and not the way anyone should go about things.
For example how on earth can a true Muslim believer say Christian vows where you believe Jesus is the son of God etc and at the same time perform a Nikkah. Utter insanity in my opinion. Allah knows best but as a muslim there is no such thing as adopting and mixing non-muslim religious practices into Islam and vice versa.
The Imam was right in his case because it was his duty as a muslim to spread dawah and the correct teachings irrespective if this offended anyone.
isnt the khutbah (speech) necessary for when performing the nikkah? why is this only practised in the West?
At my wedding, our Shaykh did the khutbah. It was long,yes, maybe around 30-45 min, but that is what we (hubby and I) wanted. We wanted the whole ceremony part of the nikkah to be "the main attraction". The Imam spoke in English, clearly and softly and made really good analogies comparing marriage to other matters. My dad (who isn't particularily religious) loved the khutbah, and to this day, people still remember as the best khutbah they ever heard :)
Hubby did a khutbah at my cousin's nikkah a couple of weeks ago. There was another Molvi that performed the actual nikkah, but he wasn't English speaking, so my uncle wanted hubby to do one in English where everyone, especially the kids coudl understand it. It was a short and sweet khutbah - around 15-20 min. He talked about how marriage is half your deen, hence your wife is like half your deen, and to treat with her respect, love, etc that she is entitled too. The speech was mainly directed towards the men (lol) and they were all listening intently. :)
i like your criteeria, but I'm not keen on keeping it short and sweet.
Totally agree with you on this, Nikkah is about the khutba which is the sunnah it's not about days of menhdis, dolkis, dances etc. That 30 min speech is the sole reason of marriage so why should anyone find it boring?
We had a crazy one at my brother's wedding which has made my family realise that from now on we'll be asking to hear the speech in advance.. He talked about AIDS, stds and homosexuality.. It was horrific..
Can I please say that both a 'Nikkah' and 'Church ceremony' are both RELIGIOUS practices not CULTURAL. There is no such thing as being half muslim or half christian, that's ludacris. You're one or the other or nothing at all. As 'Nomiii' has stated Culture and Religion should never be mixed it's extremely disrespectful and not the way anyone should go about things.
For example how on earth can a true Muslim believer say Christian vows where you believe Jesus is the son of God etc and at the same time perform a Nikkah. Utter insanity in my opinion. Allah knows best but as a muslim there is no such thing as adopting and mixing non-muslim religious practices into Islam and vice versa.
The Imam was right in his case because it was his duty as a muslim to spread dawah and the correct teachings irrespective if this offended anyone.
It is not "dawah" to say that every non-Muslim will burn in Hell.
If he did not agree to the sanctity of the marriage, he should not have performed the nikkah and he should have counseled the couple and their families in private. If what RP described is accurate, it was absolutely inappropriate.
isnt the khutbah (speech) necessary for when performing the nikkah? why is this only practised in the West?
At my wedding, our Shaykh did the khutbah. It was long,yes, maybe around 30-45 min, but that is what we (hubby and I) wanted. We wanted the whole ceremony part of the nikkah to be "the main attraction". The Imam spoke in English, clearly and softly and made really good analogies comparing marriage to other matters. My dad (who isn't particularily religious) loved the khutbah, and to this day, people still remember as the best khutbah they ever heard :)
Hubby did a khutbah at my cousin's nikkah a couple of weeks ago. There was another Molvi that performed the actual nikkah, but he wasn't English speaking, so my uncle wanted hubby to do one in English where everyone, especially the kids coudl understand it. It was a short and sweet khutbah - around 15-20 min. He talked about how marriage is half your deen, hence your wife is like half your deen, and to treat with her respect, love, etc that she is entitled too. The speech was mainly directed towards the men (lol) and they were all listening intently. :)
i like your criteeria, but I'm not keen on keeping it short and sweet.
This is true, Afshi. I like the khutbas, and went out of my way to get it done in Karachi for my wedding too (tho it didn't turn out as what I wanted).
I think I've heard so many imams read email forwards or make weird comments, that you just want them to stop. I like the ones that talk about specific Quran and Hadith references and explain how to apply them for young married people today. And it's nice to sit in the audience and make faces at your spouse as s/he is reminded of her/his duties after so many years of marriage :p
usually Imams/Shaykhs would agree to the marraige before they perform the nikkah in the first place. Some of them have certain restrictions that they want in order for him to perform the nikkah. . if the couple does not agree, then they are free to find another imam. For example, my Shaykh doesn't do short and speedy khutbahs, so he tells the couple upfront this, he also wouldn't marry a muslim woman with a non-muslim man.
^ I don't know what you're referring to.
last night, i had replied to the same thread but i do NOT see my posts...i wonder if you posted another thread with the same title...remember i asked you if you meant QAAZI instead of Imam and then you replied YES.
**
Naabigh had also replied to the same thread that i did.**
It is not "dawah" to say that every non-Muslim will burn in Hell.
If he did not agree to the sanctity of the marriage, he should not have performed the nikkah and he should have counseled the couple and their families in private. If what RP described is accurate, it was absolutely inappropriate.
Dawah can come in many forms and at times it's not what we always want to hear but that is a given. As long as it's correct factual information then there is no harm in saying what is Islamically correct to do so. Yes I agree it's not 'NICE' to say this and not the right place however the information was correct as he was referring to authentic texts. I agree that the Imam should have not agreed to the nikkah in the first instance and slating non-muslims and muslims alike in an environment like that is of course harsh and inappropriate.
^ must have been awkward 
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