Re: Physical relationships and marriage
He's not the only attending with that problem. :@:
bechara
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
The same way you seem to be so sure/convinced that your friend will be able to control his urges and remain faithful to this girl....even though he himself has doubts.
I agree. If someone truly wants to change, it is possible. But that's not what's happening here.
It doesn't look like your friend is the one who wants to change and commit to one woman. This is what YOU want b/c YOU believe this is what's best for him. I can't remember the last time a gora person I met had to be "convinced" that they need to marry. That desire to commit yourself to one person when you have been sexually active before needs to come from within. You friend himself is having serious doubts. Now if you and everyone else gang up and convince him how this is the best thing for him.....even though he's not sure himself......then there is a good chance things won't be so rosy afterwards not only for the guy....but also the innocent girl who is involved.
But hey what do I know? You are dead set on your own beliefs and nothing anyone says here will convince you otherwise. So good luck with your mission of getting your friend married so this girl right now so he doesn't potentially end up with a "horrible woman" in the future.
Paheli if your best friend were in a position like that wouldn't you want him/her to get out of it? No one wants to live the promiscuous lifestyle. Of course I want him to change, he's like a brother to me. I think in this case he needs the responsibility of a wife to change. All his life he has lived a carefree lifestyle, that's whats caused him to veer off the path of desisness i suppose. Once he gets married I think he'll start to settle down. But then again only time can tell. He's told me that he wants to change and that he can no longer continue on lest he catch a disease or worst he might get attached with a promiscuous woman. Then the cycle repeats, we must do our best to help people if they're willing to change then we should support that instead of discourage them.
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
Khulasa kuch Is tarah Hai Ke , in janab ka kehna Hai
" Hum ko Dushman ki Nigahon Se Na Dekha Kije Pyar Hee Pyar Hain Hum,Hum Pe Bharosa Kije Chand Yadon Ke Siva Hath Na Kuch Aayega Is Tarah Umr-e-Gurezan ka Na Peecha Kije "
muqaaraar muqaaraar...
NOT :D
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
Paheli if your best friend were in a position like that wouldn't you want him/her to get out of it? No one wants to live the promiscuous lifestyle. Of course I want him to change, he's like a brother to me*. I think in this case he needs the responsibility of a wife to change.* All his life he has lived a carefree lifestyle, that's whats caused him to veer off the path of desisness i suppose. Once he gets married I think he'll start to settle down. But then again only time can tell. He's told me that he wants to change and that he can no longer continue on lest he catch a disease or worst he might get attached with a promiscuous woman. Then the cycle repeats, we must do our best to help people if they're willing to change then we should support that instead of discourage them.
I strongly disagree with this. It will be better if you make your friend realize that his problem is within and not out there. He needs to take responsibility for his actions, instead of you trying to take a chance with a pious girl's life. You seem to assume that if he gets married to this girl he will come around and become better. What if the opposite happens and he ends up misguiding her too? You just need to find a different way to support and encourage him to change.
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
What if you have previous physical relationships and are going to get married to someone you don't know anything about. Would you tell your future wife? How to get rid of the guilty feeling that you're continue to do something that is not allowed but you're also trying your best to follow the correct path and get nikkafied (Nikkahed, whatever the damn word is). But how will you convince yourself to life a life of monogamy when you're so used to promiscuity. These thoughts are driving a friend of mine insane. I wish I would post it here to get some answers.
just lie. no need to feel guilty. Chances are, you won't be the only one lying. LOL
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
Paheli if your best friend were in a position like that wouldn't you want him/her to get out of it? No one wants to live the promiscuous lifestyle. Of course I want him to change, he's like a brother to me.
Don't assume what other people want. One of my husband's close friend (who I'm also good friends with) is currently living the "promiscuous" lifestyle. He was dating a girl but they broke up about 2 years ago. He's in his mid 30's, a surgeon who makes plenty of money, and right now has 0 interest in settling down. He's not an idiot and is fully aware of his own choices. He's happy and has no interest in getting into a serious relationship/marriage right now. Am I or my husband going to try to convince him otherwise? No. B/C he's an adult is capable of making is own decisions. If he was doing drugs or something that was physically putting himself in danger, that's another thing.
Speaking of siblings.....would you want your sister or daughter marrying a guy like this? A guy who is not 100% sure that he can be faithful to her after nikah?
I think in this case he needs the responsibility of a wife to change. All his life he has lived a carefree lifestyle,** that's whats caused him** to veer off the path of desisness i suppose. Once he gets married I think he'll start to settle down. But then again only time can tell. He's told me that he wants to change and that he can no longer continue on lest he catch a disease or worst he might get attached with a promiscuous woman.
Once again....all about what YOU think. The problem here is you're involving the life of a innocent 3rd party. YOU may think that the responsibility of a wife will change him and have no problem taking that risk but it's a very selfish (to put it politely) move b/c if you're thinking is wrong...then it's going to destroy that innocent girl who did nothing to deserve a husband that's not ready to commit to her and her ONLY.
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
Our elders say this sort of thing but I've seen first hand it's often just wishful thinking.. Isn't it a bit naive to think he'll change just because of marriage? If he wanted to change the guy could do it BEFORE tying the knot..
I'd be surprised if he's even "satisfied" with a very simple naive girl after marriage.. If anything that'll just make it easier and more tempting for him to carry on imo..
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
Paa jee sorry but stop justifying your friends actions. My advice is he might as well find someone himself and even at the same level not someone who might have to accept it even if she does because she can turn around at any point and use it against him and I wouldn't blame her his own fault. You can't say it's to blame the 'premiscious' society because that's untrue it was his choice his decision, him not thinking of consequences or the long term. A people think oh I'm young right now I will do anything but when marriage age comes i will marry a beautiful untouched wife. And this is evident as u said he doesn't have much respect for those girls hes been physical with. This is not fair for the good girls.
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
^Instead of telling him to disclose his sordid past to his fiancee, why don't you just push him not to get married. In the past he must have had the balls to dump women, so why is depending on his fiancee to dump him? Cuz he'd rather have his parents learn that SHE was the one to break it off and not him? Tell him to muster up that drop of dignity from within him and to call off the marriage on his own.
I know a man that wanted the woman to be the one to break it off/divorce even if he also wanted the divorce. It seemed odd to me but what is the reason that there are men that take this route to wanting "society" to see the woman as the one who took the step towards breaking it off?
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
I know a man that wanted the woman to be the one to break it off/divorce even if he also wanted the divorce. It seemed odd to me but what is the reason that there are men that take this route to wanting "society" to see the woman as the one who took the step towards breaking it off?
For two reasons. Firstly it eliminates feelings of guilt to an extent. The rejector is seen as the "bad guy" and if I am not the rejector...then I'm not the bad guy...or well...less of a bad guy....is what some people believe. Secondly, some guys think that if the girl is the one to dump them, then it places her in a position of more power...and gives/preserves more dignity/izzat. The person doing the rejecting is in a more stronger/stable position even if the act is awkward for them...while the person who is rejected feels embarrassed and maybe unworthy. So some guys...in an attempt to avoid placing the girl in that lower and more painful position of being the "rejected" one...will deliberately piss her off so that she's the one who does the rejecting. They believe it will make the breakup less painful for her if she initiates the rejection...a twisted form of "chivalry"...that is still not without pain for the girl. So, it's either the first or the second reason or a combination of both....or so I've heard.
Re: Physical relationships and marriage
kuch mazeed tafseel batai jay phir me mashwara day sakta hon :cobra: